Once again I'm hearing both sides here...the side of the nurse and the side of the caregiver. Reading thru it I kept thinking, but LALA...you don't know what the other nurse TOLD the charge nurse. Maybe she blew your conversation out of proportion. You know yourself you can say something in one tone of voice, but when that same sentence is told to someone else, they can change the tone. I would check that out FIRST and foremost.

If it were me, and it isn't...but if it were, I would go directly to the charge nurse and request a short and meaningful meeting with her, the nurse who said you "reamed her out" and you. I would also have another family member present. I would start out by giving them all the reasons you have for thinking they are doing such a great job and thank them for it, but then I would outline your concerns, GO BACK OVER what you said to the nurse in question (the one you reamed???) and then tell them what you want or would like to have happen (good communications, listening, etc.)

Although the charge nurse is a good nurse obviously, she also needs to be someone who listens to both sides of the story and doesn't just assume you did what the other nurse said. If you feel you were misunderstood, then tell both of them so, IN FRONT OF BOTH OF THEM.

Miscommunication is deadly. It can start you off on the wrong foot and every time you voice a concern, it can be misconstrued...NIP IT IN THE BUD!

Also, DO NOT be intimidated by a Charge Nurse, a Doctor or anyone else. THEY ARE THERE BECAUSE OF YOUR MIL and your family. They are suppose to be providing a service to you and if they aren't, then you have every right to tell them so.

I am not saying go in there like a bull. On the contrary. I was ALWAYS soft spoken, calm, AND prepared. I had my journal, with dates, times, and record. I had names, incidents, and quotes from the nurses verbatim. I listened very calmy and then when it was my turn, I did not allow interruptions. I was nice about it, but firm. It's almost like you have to earn their respect by letting them know you mean business. Be kind and courteous to the staff, be a good listener, they deserve that.

But also have your facts lined up, speak calmly and rationally and don't be intimidated.

If I had to be an advocate for something, it would be the men and women in nursing homes. And too, it would be for the overworked and underpaid angels of mercy as well.

JJ

Lala,
So sorry to hear all of this but when I was reading your posts I too kept thinking call a meeting with the charge nurse especially since you respected her.
JJ put it so beautifully and I agree with she and smiles. It does help to be firm but kind with all the medical staff. Been There.
Love,
Maggie

Lala,
JJ is so right. There are so many issues surrounding nursing home and hospital care these days, it makes your head swim.
As Chatty said, the professionals are accountable to the patient and families, but they are also accountable to dozens of other entities including their profession, the legal system, Medicare, Medicaid, Nursing Home, Pharmacy, Laboratory, X-ray, Physical Therapy, Dietary, and a myriad of regulatory agencies along with financial concerns, time constraints, and their own conscience just to name a few.
The nurse is on the front lines. Even more than the physician, she must deal with everyone every day and also deal with her own conscience and her own emotions.

The impossibility of that situation is the reason I am not practicing nursing. It is the reason approximately half the licensed nurses in the country are not practicing nursing. It is the reason we now have a shortage of nurses.

I would neve advocate following health professionals without question or not taking authority for your own health and that of your loved ones. I just think understanding everyone's perspective can help you go into a situation armed with knowledge.
As I told my kids when they were young, It doesn't matter "who" is right. It matters "what" is right.
It is right that your loved one receive the best care possible.
smile

They have placed Mom on oxygen. Glenda (SIL) said she is looking really bad. I haven't pursued talking to anyone yet. I probably won't until Monday. I have found it sometimes better to wait until tempers cool and emotions are not running high before working through conflicts. Besides that I am exhausted.
Thanks to all of you who have posted. Hugs

Lala,
I am sending prayers your way. God bless you and your dear family.

Hi,

Mom is not doing well at all. She has had a fever (probably pnuemonia) and her blood sugar is pretty high.

I went to the nursing home today and I spoke with the administrator. He was very easy to talk to and was very supportive. He said the charge nurse had handled it the wrong way and he had already talked to her about it.

I didn't go in trying to skewer "Anne". I really like and appreciate her. So, I know it didn't come across that I was trying to "get" her. I told him the reason I came to him is because I don't know her very well, and I didn't know whether she was a person who blew up and was over it, or a low simmer, or a grudge holder. So, I was asking him how to approach it and he said just don't worry about it. She gets over things quickly and to just behave normally. He made sure that I understood that it had been handled improperly and it wouldn't happen again. I told him that I didn't want to be a problem to the staff and that I wanted to be a part of the "team" taking care of Mom. Anyways, it turned out well.
I spoke with "Anne" and she was very gracious and I could tell that she and I could work together again without hard feelings.

So, ladies, thanks for your prayers. Hugs hugs hugs!

I'm going to continue the prayers and send you best wishes!

Keeping you and your family in our prayers. Thanks for the update. Glad things turned out so well.
Maggie

Mom is not doing much better. Her feet are swollen and she still has a fever. If she doesn't improve by tomorrow they will send her back to the hospital. She is a little more responsive, so maybe the antibiotic IS kicking in.

Day before yesterday when my SIL was over visiting her mom started gasping for air. She was grinding her teeth and her chest was heaving. Glenda was able to call one of the nurses who came and put mom on oxygen again.

Thanks to all of you who are keeping her in your prayers.

LaLa,
Please know that you and your MIL are in our hearts. God bless,

JJ