Do any of you have any dealings with narcissistic elders?

I believe narcissistic tendencies are normal for older people. Their world has become smaller, and they are in the center of it.

A couple of nights ago our family had a get together which included my mother. She did something that was very untypical of her. She turned on the television, and turned it up so loud, overtoning all of us. At first I felt upset with her, but then I turned the TV off, and gently told her we got action live here in our own living room...no need to watch television. She then smiled and even agreed. I think the problem lies with their hard of hearing. They are literally shut out of normal activities and seek their own world.

Believe me...I know that bite on the tongue feeling...it ain't easy.

I met narcissim and did not know what it was. Seems like a type of austistic behaviour where the narcissic person thrives and needs others suffering.
The more I reacted the more the person went for the jugular
It awakened me to this behaviour
I realise its a facet in human behaviour but when its dominant its almost evil.
I am grateful for my experience it wised me up..Munschusem is a similar facet.Inded it was only by researching Munschusen I saw narcissim explained.That was a eureka moment.
Maybe in the elderly it is the breakdown or social norms...
Mountain ash

You know, gimster, I spoke with a woman who dealt with the elderly in her job and she told me that age isn't always a factor but they were usually that way when younger and got away with it. I know my mom is like that and always has been and my dad has been the one who has allowed her to do it. They kind of feed on each other.

Are you having a problem with this?

Hannelore, what do you mean by "narcissistic tendencies" being normal for older people? When I read this thread, I took some time to review my understanding of narcissism before I responded. I think that someone who has been narcissistic throughout his or her life, continues with that personality characteristic in the aging process.
Did your mom turn the TV on because she wasn't being involved in the discussion that was happening or wasn't interested in contributing or wanted to get everyone's attention because she was being left out? Had she been asked to participate? Sometimes my Mom says that when the family gets together everything happpens so fast around her that she feels left out or she can't keep track so she doesn't know what everyone is talking about and she feels stupid. Due to her hearing loss, her TV is always louder than I'd like. Perhaps your mom wanted to watch TV while you all were talking?

My guess is that the aging process simply allows what is to be more so as well as reducing things like auditory ability, sight and physical coordination.

It was taught to me in sociology that we become "more like ourselves as we age"

Any input on this theory?
Mountain ash

I think that makes very good sense because aging allows us to let go of much of what we use to hide behind so that others won't judge us negatively. Personally, I care less about the things the stuff that use to bother me and more about what's really of value to me now.

Ash, I agree with "becoming more like ourselves when we age". I have several associates who work with the elderly. I asked one, once, "I wonder what I'll be like when I'm my mom's age?"
She answered, "You will be yourself now, times three. If you are a happy, fun-loving person, you will be much more so. If you are a crank, you will perfect it."

This, of course, is without any health crisis that changes the brain i.e. stroke, dementia. Some heart patients have changes in personality, to some degree.

Interesting. The way I am now; I should be organizing the wheel chair races in my assisted living facility in a few years...

Whittle, I meant that older people usually get more egocentric.

Oh yes, I think you are right about my mother feeling left out in the group. There are never any problems when I'm alone with her, but when with family;…I think she sometimes gets jealous. I wish I had a sister or brother that could sometimes just sit by her and hold her hand, when I'm conversing with another family member. I don't have that. But just this week I mailed my sons a letter, asking them to pay more attention to their grandmother when we are all together. Gee, children can be egocentric as well.

Ugh, where's that island when you need it?

dianne,
I do believe we're having a problem with it. Nothing we do for parent A is OK with parent B. Parent B always brings things back around to Bself. Besides that point, B is forever trying to share all about B - nonstop - to a degree of making others not wanting to come around. I realize there's not much, if anything, that can be done if B's personality is, as presumed, narcissistic/egocentric (interchangeable to me, even tho, I could be wrong). I've learned to ignore in a polite way, and try to get the subject changed with diverting questions, etc.. Usually works. I was wondering if anyone else saw this in parents, or other elders, they are dealing with or have dealt with.

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Gee, children can be egocentric as well. Hannelore

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Funny you should post this. My DH is constantly reminding me parent B should now be handled as a child. I don't agree completely, but sometimes it works.