Any suggestions on how to get rid of guilt? I feel guilty about everything.....I should be spending more time with my mother, I should work less and be home with the kids more, I should pay more attention to my husband, my house should be cleaner, I should be more organized, I should write those thank you notes I never wrote two years ago, I should make more effort to keep in touch with relatives and friends, I forgot to send a birthday card to....(a lot of people!), I should have done more when someone close to me was going through such a rough time,etc.,etc. I use to think that only Catholics grew up with guilt until I met my roommate in college who is Jewish. I'm not sure which one of us is worse....it's really a toss up. Then when you throw in being a mother...we're doomed! Any advice?

egads!!! thanks lasik! i was feeling great now I feel guilty as hell!! i do all of the same things as you. my true pont is, i think all of us do. you are not alone. if you were, then you could feel guilt. being that it is most of us, there should be no guilt, or all of us would feel like hell all of the time. we were put on this earth for a purpose and the things we most worry about are truly the things that just bog us down during the time spent to fulfill that purpose. so don't feel guilty just think of it as being super busy on your life's quest! it's the one's that never feel a tinge of guilt that should feel it because they are obviously not making the most of the time they have on this crazy place we call earth. so the next time you feel guilty, just smile instead and realize that it is great to busy while fulfilling your purpose in life.

I used to be the Queen of Guilt. It was so bad that I felt guilty for getting up in the morning. After eons of doing this, I finally heard something go off in my brain that said, "GUILT IS A SHEER WASTE OF TIME!!!" If I had nickel for everytime I felt guilty about something, I'd be wealthier than Bill Gates (or almost, anyway). You can't live you life on "should haves," "what ifs," and the like. Start moving forward today. Your friends and family will love you even if you don't send birthday cards. Doing something really nice for them will show them how much you care about them, not the words that Hallmark writes. Manage your time so you can take care of those things that you're feeling guilty about. I wish you well.

Had to bring this topic back. Not so much to talk about guilt, but to talk about all the demands placed on women by society/selves.

Who in here has all the balls in the air at once and is doing a great job of not letting one hit the floor?

How are we managing to stay healthy in spite of caring for our spouses, children, homes, work, parents, and all the other little tasks that go with it?

Guilt truly IS a collosal waste of time.
To feel guilty is to assume that you knew, ahead of time, precisely how things would come out, with all the ramifications, blah blah blah.

Methinks that "letting the ball drop," so to speak, is one way that our unconscious minds try to tell us we're doing too much for other poeple and not enough for ourselves.

But of course, that inner critic tells us we are not allowed to take care of ourselves. We're not supposed to want anything. We're not good enough to give ourselves little indulgences like not trying to nurture every single individual in the whole wide world. We should feel guilty about that little kid over in what's-a-call-it-land with the dirty face, because we got toast and tea and she has nothing. I can't control what goes on overseas... I can't even control what goes on in my own household....

Guilt assumes a God-like perspective. To expect yourself to be right on time, with the right card, the right words, the right bowl of chicken soup, every time, 24 hours a day... is ASININE. God is the only one who possible CAN do that sort of thing... but even God refrains from doing it every single moment that someone is hurting. Why is that? Maybe because the times when everything is going 100% "right" for us, we're not acting on faith, we're just having fund, which is also good. But isn't it the times when you feel covered by a whole mountain of *&^%$&#@^!#@* that faith is forged?

We can't kiss away everybody's boo-boos, my dears. And if we set out to do so, we will die trying. Guaranteed.

"Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof," right? And I know there is another verse, somewhere, that speaks of doing one's own work day by day.... We can't go back and change what we forgot, or were too tired todo, before.

OK, so maybe I wasn't as kind yesterday or the day before as I could have been. What can I do today? I can open a door for someone struggling with a package... I can give up my seat to a little old lady on the bus, even though there are several young thugs sitting across from me who won't move their buns for anyone... I can smile and say hello... I can do what's put in front of me, today, and not worry about the seeds I didn't sow yesterday. 'Cause not one of my ulcers will make anything better for anyone else, and they certainly will keep me from being all that I can be right now.....

Please stop beating yourself up, my dear. We all screw up sometimes, and some of us do so in really spectacular ways (moi, perhaps?). But if you are alive, right now, then God probably has something pretty cool in mind for you. Try to concentrate on what cool things Godhas in mind, today, instead of worrying about how you "failed" awhile back....

Please have a wonderful holiday, y'all. And thank God I'm healing inside and out.
Love,
Lil

I am woman, hear me squeak...

Boomers have learned a couple of things if they haven't learned anything else...and that is to prioritize your life, AND to stop comparing yourself to other...a great poem says "there will always be persons greater and lesser than yourself."

Things that use to drag us down are pushed to the side and room is made for bigger and better things/life. I think something clicks at our boomer age and we finally get it. We realize or have learned to appreciate our own weaknesses and strengths and more importantly, accept them.

For instance, I will never be Martha Stewart. Who cares? She's ugly and her mamma dresses her funny. But...leave me alone in the room with that diva and bet I could make her laugh. Just once. But she couldn't tell a joke if she tried.

So...what I am saying is that we shove guilt aside and make room for the REAL self to shine in our boomer years. As Mikee, the cereal guy says...try it, you'll like it! LOL!

Here's a little something that has been around the internet for a while...author unknown... thought it was worth Xposting here.....

LADIES VS. REAL WOMEN

LADIES- If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking; drop
in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant
"fix-me-up."

REAL WOMEN- If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking; that's too damn
bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will
eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."
*************************************************************
LADIES- Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your
forehead. The throbbing will go away.

REAL WOMEN- Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might
still have the headache, but who cares!
*************************************************************
LADIES- Stuff a miniature marshmallow at the bottom of a sugar cone to
prevent ice cream drips.

REAL WOMEN- Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for
Pete's sake. You are probably lying your ass on the couch, with your feet
up anyway.
*************************************************************
LADIES- To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the
potatoes.

REAL WOMEN- Buy boxed mashed potato mix and you don't have to worry about
the potatoes growing arms and legs.
*************************************************************
LADIES- When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of
the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the inside of
the cake.

REAL WOMEN- Go to the bakery - they'll even decorate the sonofabitch for
you.
*************************************************************
LADIES- Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a
beautiful glossy finish.

REAL WOMEN- Sara Lee frozen freakin pie directions do not include brushing
egg whites, so I don't do it.
*************************************************************
LADIES- If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing
gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

REAL WOMEN- Go ask the very HOT neighbor guy to do it.
*************************************************************
And finally the most important tip....
LADIES- Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for
future use in casseroles and sauces.

REAL WOMEN- Leftover wine??

My favorite...the one with the ice cream cone. Been there, done that...and I don't mean using the marshmallow either.

This post reminds me of a saying I once heard:

I don't know the secret to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

We just can't do it all the time. I'm talking to myself here ladies!

With age I'm learning to take care of myself. If I don't love and care for myself first, how can I love and care for others?

Love thy neighbor as thyself...but we first have to love ourselves.

Make sense? Any thoughts from the ladies in the neighborhood?

I couldn't agree more. Whenever I see someone being unkind to another person, I immediately think "hmmm...they must really not like themselves very much."

Be nice to yourself...it will be reflected in the ones your know and love. A Queen original...