This is the title of a book written by NABBW member Diana Kircschner, PHD. She did a teleseminar with us and I thought it was well done. She's not into simply finding a lover. SHe begins with working on yourself; working on your deadly dating patterns and why you have them in the first place. She helps you do the inside work before stepping out and getting serious about finding someone. I like her approach.

The teleseminar and transcription is now available on the NABBW Members Only page.

This is a book all high school girls and boys should be made to read. Then tested on!I wish I had had something like it when I was young and falling in love. We learned everything back then by the seat of our pants, so to speak...

Dotsie, Chatty,
Dotsie some people can't find true love in 90 years.

Chatty,
That [seat of the pants] reference, is funny! Love the play on words!

True jabber, but I think if you're a boomer and have made mistakes in love, Diana might be able to get you on the right track. Getting to know one and why we're attracted to a certain type can be very helpful.

It sounds as if her advice is golden. I love WB, so I think I'm on the right track. I must admit, I'm very good at mistakes.
But a person has to be good at something! LOL...

I have to disagree in one instance Dots because for me all the three men I married were as different as night and day, as were other men I was involved with.

I believe we are in different circumstances at different stages of life and choose men accordingly...For instance:

#1, I was young, wild, and sex crazy and so was he.

#2, I was older, had a child, and more into security being a business man and loaded, he was a natural choice for me.

#3, I picked when half crazy from five years of being a caregiver 24/7 for my sister with MS and dementa. I grabbed the first slug that slithered by.

So you see I don't think women are necessarily drawn to a specific type, we change our perceptions and expectations as we mature...

Anne, I have an extra copy of the book. Want me to send it to you? Email me your address if you like.

Anne, I had no intention of upsetting you with my post.

Maybe if you get wrapped up in your work and totally side-tracked, someone will come along. I know. Sounds hokey. Sorry, but I just want to make you feel better!

In a sense, chatty though you have experienced at least 1 good love relationship/marriage.

Anne, since I do have a number of close female friends who are still single and around my age (50), plus 2 siblings (out of 5) who are single also, I do think sometimes it's just happenstance.

But I also know that for some of these women, their patterns and activities have not changed a whole lot in the past few decades. They have tried to do different activities. And it's really important to engage in activities and groups that one loves to do, regardless of the mate-search thing. After all, a full-time job takes up alot of one's time.

Over time, a woman grows in confidence, knowledge and self-sufficiency. To me, that is the no. 1 priority for any woman. Regardless of whether or not she is married. It is important for her long-term mental and physical health.

It is useful over time to understand how one changes over the years. I know for myself, I have become far more outspoken, even more direct in my communication where my dear partner has gently told me that it just might be abit much occasionally to others. Even though he is used to it/understands why I have changed abit.

It is advice that I do appreciate hearing from him, because it is important how I convey myself to loved ones and others who want to know me. If it wasn't my partner, it would be my siblings who would tell it to my face. Do you have anyone in your life that could tell anything you might not be aware of yourself?

It is doubtful your parents wanted to hide anything from you about marriage If they were the sort of parents that did disagree in front of you: they were showing the reality of marriage.

It's abit complicated to have had parents who were so protective. Mine were too, but quite different...none of us were allowed to date until after high school.

But our parents were generally honest if there was discussion about any of us...it was not hidden much from us. That's okay, as long as they didn't start comparing their children...which again can be abit hard with several children and parents under stress at times.

Which believe me, Anne there is a price to that too...sometimes resulted in terrible arguments between child and parents (my parents usually united in principle on many things, which was probably good thing in most cases.). But eventually things kinda worked out..might take a long time, even years for certain issues. There are many complicated examples from family to illustrate this. But no point, boring folks here with details.

I'm glad you do have a coterie of trusted pals you can ask for an opinion. Do you have fun with this group doing certain things together?