Last night Hubby and I were invited to a huge 50th birthday party.
( Anaiya’s Dad babysat.)

We were sat at a table of 10 people. When Hubby and I sat down we said hello and introduced ourselves…and the response was a slight nod of heads followed be an entire group stare at things in the distance. I thought, Americans would say hi, smile, introduce themselves and ask where you are from and what do you do. Maybe they didn’t really hear me, so I tried several times to get some conversation going, but it was like work.

Okay, then we all lined up at the buffet, and like good little tin soldiers, we sat back in our places, plates filled sky high. I commented on the food how delicious it is, and how lovely everything is decorated. The nods came back with full mouths….but nothing else in return. I touched my cheek….geez do I have some horrible tattoo on my face or what?

Suddenly a huge heavy wave of sadness overcame me. I felt right down homesick. Homesick for Americans. I consider myself outgoing, a good conversationalist, and people friendly. So if I have a hard time making new friends, or just even connecting with people, then you can just imagine that it is sheer impossible in this neck of the woods. I live in a part of Germany that is known for close mouthed small world folk ( maybe something like Maine hicks…( not you Jane!), only 10 fold worse. In northern Germany or even in Muenich people are more open. But we are stuck here… Maybe it’s pretty country, …but what good is it without friends.

I yearn for happy faces; People who show a genuine interest in getting to know each other. Yes, people like my friends here. I thought of all you ladies several times while attacking my food, almost choking on it because of the lump forming in my throat. Honestly if you don’t have any complexes, you can develop them here.

I told Hubby what I was thinking , and his response was that I remember everything through pink glasses. He is sure there are stiff uncomfortable parties in America as well. Is he right? Have you ever been to one, where you just wish….eeeeeee … get me out of this place!

Edelweiss..I have not discussed the Austrian event with you.The cellar.Too rotten to go into again.But the media here went deeply into the pysche of the nation.
Then by chance a handout from a modern studies class was given to me..and some facts surprised me.How the Germans encouraged childbirth and even said married men should be "allowed" to father babies after their own large family was complete.Really a Patricical society and women were the house women.There was more and this handout may be on the web..so I will search.
Thus the fact that it was not so long ago and our generation will have been reared in that climate.So you being the vital passionate woman who grabs issues by the horns would be evident(before you even said a word)
We cannot here imagine a street where questions were not asked at a high level...when children were left by a "runnaway" daughter.in fact the tendency to gossip is a small town Scottish trait.Backed up by the authorities delving.Likewise Jersey...that scandal it appears that people knew some thing was going on.I believe many residents are deeply guilty in hindsight.
Have your own parties..start an exile group...in Northern Scotland where the oil workers live Aberdeen a thriving club meets.During the 9/11 time they met and supported themselves in a group.
Times happen that homesickness hits..same as the grief for a lost one.
Yes the forum must be helpful for you.
Mountain ash

I have never been to a party like the one you mentioned Edelweiss, and I have been to hundreds over the years. One thing about Americans, we are a friendly, party kind of people, loving and usually light hearted and eager to make new friends... Anyway, thats my take on the situation. I can't even imagine an evening like that, how sad for those people, they don't know what they're missing...

I live in Schwaben, between Augsburg and Landsberg. I'm sure your partner will know what I'm talking about...The "Shwab" is known as a penny pinching, unfriendly tight lipped German. It's funny how those cliché’s usually are true. I don’t like generalizing and putting everyone in one pot, but last night…this cliché was very true.

Orchid, the "Rheinländer", where your partner comes from, are another breed. I know them as outgoing party loving and openminded people. It's incredible how different folks are according to their location; even in this small country.

Edelweiss, this sounds like a truly awful party! I'm not sure what I would've done in that circumstance.

There are regional differences in the US as well. Some areas in the Midwest are very unwelcoming to outsiders or anyone just the slight bit different.

orchid, your place of employment sounds so interesting.

Edelweiss, we certainly have people who might treat one another like that in the states, but I don't imagine it would happen at one's 50th birthday party. You would think that if all of you were freinds with the hostess, then you would get along. How sad.

I need to invite you to one of my friend's 50th parties. You would fit right in.

EW, maybe it was that particular group? They sound downright rude, not to welcome you. After all, they are the host country. You are not an "outsider" but someone gracious enough to try to live and work in their country. They should be embracing the American with curiosity and energetic conversations in broken English. I visited my friend in Germany a couple of years ago. One brief anecdote: She and I flew to Rome for a 3 day girls only. At one dinner in Rome, there was a group of about 12 Germans at another table. They were loud, they all talked at once, and they were passing plates around so everyone at the table can sample, etc. My German friend said, "Germans can be so rowdy" Funny, the differences in behavior in different regions.

Just goes to show we can't stereotype in any country.

It's funny you mentioned this. Our first night in Disney earlier this month, we ate at the restaurant in Germany in Epcot. We love it there because they seat you at a long table with other people. We usually meet some nice people from all over the place. This time, a young couple sat next to us on one side. they seemed to be rather talkative, but mostly to the waiter. I couldn't hear all of their conversation. It turned out that the couple were visiting from Germany. The girl was the waiter's sister and he was telling her all about his job and the restaurant. He said that Americans eat fast and leave. He said that the concept of that restaurant was to take your time and enjoy the food. (big all you can eat buffet) Meet poeple. That is usually what we do, but of course, he was monopolizing the couple on that side. The couple on the other side had two kids with them and they were busy trying to feed the children. Usually, we have a better time because we talk to everyone. One time, we sat next to some who did not speak English and still communicated somehow. But, I've been to those boring parties at home. That's when you get a "headache" and leave.