"You're So Vain"...Celebrating Physical Changes - Getting Old, Getting Fat: What's Up With That?

Rhonda Hughes lives in Wichita Falls, TX, with her husband Jerry of five and a half years. She has been published in the Pentecostal Evangel, Woman’s Touch Magazine and the Long Story Short e-zine. She has finished two romance novels, waiting for publication and has started a third. She may be reached at jhughes5@sw.rr.com and also on the Writer’s Lodge of Long Story Short.

Getting Old, Getting Fat: What's Up With That?

I woke up the other day, thank God, and stared at my reflection in the mirror and swore it was my mother. But no, it was me. I’m not really sure how it happened, but last September I turned fifty-two. I'm glad I did, since the only other option is death, but it did sneak up on me.

When I looked at my mother’s reflection in the mirror (I mean mine), I wondered where that skinnier, perfect skinned little girl disappeared to. I knew she was still in my body somewhere but she sure didn’t look the same. For awhile I got depressed, as I was sure the little girl inside of me was, but then I snapped out of it and wrote down some thoughts I had about what I will and will not do as I age.

I’ve tried to keep dealing with age on the more humorous side, because laugh lines are a lot more becoming than just plain crow’s feet. I really don’t know how the wrinkles know if they’re a laugh line or just crow’s feet, but there seems to be a definite difference there. Here are some of my rules I am trying to grow old by:

1. Since I’m fifty-two, I will determine in my mind that I’ll never be, nor look, eighteen again. I’ve had to repeat this several times in a row to convince myself.
2. I won’t stop laughing because of laugh lines, but if I’m squinting I will get glasses.
3. I’ll drink less soft drinks and more water. Dr. Phil was being interviewed recently and a tip to weight loss revealed that one soda a day could add ten pounds a year…surely not.
4. If I feel tired, I’ll take a nap. I deserve a nap by now.
5. I won’t wear hip hugger pants if my stomach hides my belt.
6. When I bake a delicious dessert and there’s quite a bit left over, I won’t feel obligated. We all know what I mean.
7. If I find stray hairs in peculiar places, I will pluck them. “You can’t help where they grow, but they don’t have to take root!” – a quote from my husband.
8. If I thought I turned the burner off, but realized I didn’t, I’ll turn it off and won’t worry about it. I’m probably not getting Alzheimer’s.
9. When my husband looks too long at someone much younger, I’ll give him a poke in the ribs. When he gives me that baffled look and says, “What?” I’ll give him a baffled look back and repeat, “What?” I warn you, this process may have to be repeated several times.
10. I’ll still wear high heels, they make me feel sexy and my calves look great!
11. I’ll continue to wear a toe ring and an ankle chain in the summer as long as they keep fitting.
12. I’ll eat more vegetables and less sweets. There’s exceptions to this rule.
13. I’ll wear not quite so tight fitting clothes. The tighter the clothes the more my bulges show. But I promise you, I won’t wear moo-moo style either.
14. If I lose my waistline, I won’t wear a belt. No one will be able to see it anyway.
15. If I don’t look good with long hair anymore, I’ll cut it. This may take some convincing of my husband – I have to remind him once again that I’m not eighteen and most importantly, neither is he!
16. As long as I’ve got the legs for it, I’ll still show them. Although, I stop right above the knee. Any further and I have these little dimples…or something.
17. I’ll keep my skin moisturized all over. The greasier the better…hmm, Crisco?
18. I’ll exercise at least three times a week even though I don’t really need it. Hello?
19. I’ll keep getting manicures.
20. If I dislike my gray hair, I’ll color it. I did and I do.
21. I’ll ask my best friend if I look as old as she does…never mind, this is probably not a good idea.
22. I’ll keep buying new sexy lingerie. Husbands get older but their minds remain teenagers.
23. I’ll find someone older than me to stand next to…the older the better.
24. If I haven’t lived a full and exciting life by now, I may want to hurry or I just won’t worry about it.
25. I’ll accept the aging process with a smile. It won’t go away!