Cathi, I'm so sorry that you've spent so many years with such a selfish man but I understand that a woman has to do what doesn't make her life worse. It's all in the timing.

A woman needs to keep important papers hidden, maybe at a friend's house. Her birth certificate along with her children's, ss cards, school papers, insurance cards, anything that she will need if she picks up and leaves quickly. Think of what she would need to start over in a new place.

Also, some men will charge a woman with kidnapping if she takes the children out of state so it's good to check with an atty about the correct way to do it. A woman can change her identity along with her ss number but that is usually in severe cases.

I always try to find a support group for a victim to attend and call 1-800-799-SAFE for a shelter near her area. Or, if she can afford it, a good counselor that will guide her.

If we try to help a woman, we must be sure that we are not putting our own lives in danger. If an abuser is violent, he might come looking for us too so we have to be very careful.