Jane, anger keeps us attached to the abuser on an emotional level. In a way, we're still involved with them without them ever knowing it. We've left physically but remain stuck with them on another level, and it isn't a good one.

I believe this happens when the victim has never had the chance to confront him. She doesn't know how or where to vent her feelings of anger and pain and they stay trapped in her spirit. Not that venting would change the abuser but it might give her a chance to start healing. She lost her voice as an expression of how he made her feel.

But, these women need to know that we can forgive from a distance. I don't mean that the abuse is right in any form but to forgive releases her from the anger. It's a deeper understanding. And, a lot of their anger is really directed at themselves for tolerating so much and they haven't directed it toward the right area.

I forgave my abuser in my heart because I knew he was a very sick man and to hate him only hurt me and you just can't heal with animosity in your heart. It would stop my life from being full and rich and he certainly wasn't worth that!

This is why I feel therapy or a support group is so important to women who have left abusers. They need to change the focus from him to what they will now do with their lives of freedom.