Lynnie, I think it depends on "how" a victim or survivor talks about it. Do they use it to help others or to stay in the victim mode and hope people will feel sorry for them? Does their tale of woe enter a room before their body does? Where does the value of sharing come into play and why?

Let's say you are sitting with people in a restaurant, having coffee, and stand up and announce, "Well, I have to go to my battered women support group now." What is the reasoning for sharing this information? Usually, to call attention to yourself for one reason or another.

I believe the opposite of shame would be acceptance. It happened to you but shouldn't define who or what you will be in the future.

Okay, the wardrobe analogy. Some women will wake in the morning and apply make up, fix their hair, put on jewelry and before they leave the house, don their "feel sorry for me wardrobe." Their full intention is to talk about what they've been through, how tough their life is, what the latest horror their husband did to them, yada. It becomes a part of their every day personality.

I'm 100% for women regaining their power and they can't do it if they remain trapped in the past.