A victim of abuse leads a shame-based life for many reasons. Let's face it, being abused by your spouse or partner is not normal and if married, it goes completely against the wedding vows. So, living this conflicted and confusing lifestyle creates many emotions.

Add to this mixture, the abuser placing the blame on her shoulders. Most victims come from dysfunctional families to begin with so it doesn't raise the flag that something is wrong with the man they married but a flag within themselves that keeps the blame in their hearts and soul. They, alone, have caused this nice man to become angry and violent. What can they do to fix it? Be quiet--become more submissive--pray more--have his meals on time--meet all of his demands? The list is endless and the really bad thing about an abuser is his demands continue to change. The woman will "fix" whatever it is that's making him beat her to only be met with another demand. It keeps her off-kilter.

I took the word "confuse" apart and came up with this. When living with an abuser, he will continually con her into believing it's her fault and when she accepts this as fact, it will fuse her to him and his false words and statements.

It is EXTREMELY difficult to get rid of this shame. Even after I had been in therapy for some time, I heard that the ex had remarried and it only lasted seven months because he was also abusing her. I remember thinking to myself, "Oh, so it wasn't just me...he beats all the women he's involved with." I still had that small glimmer of blame.

Being a victim is nothing to brag about although I've met women who have been divorced for 16 years who still talk about it like it happened yesterday. All the anger and shame are still there and many wear it like a designer wardrobe!