I read everyone of your posts and I should tell you ladies, you're being a great help to me. Many times I feel that there is something wrong with me. Reading your posts just ensures that it isn't me.

I have learned to just keep my mouth shut. Before I got married, I never let anything get in my way. Example: This is just one of many, but this one comes to mind. In my early 20's I worked for the Federal Gov in Germany. I remember a position I wanted and it was a promotion. Well, I was told I wasn't qualified. The reasons, I didn't have experience doing an itinerary. So, I heard that one of the Majors in the organization was going to a conference. I asked him if I could do his itinerary. He allowed me to do that. Then I reapplied for a similar position and I was promoted. This is the type of spirit I had most of my life. I was involved in community theatre at that time, and even there the competition is stiff. There were some musicals I wanted to be in and some of the roles required solos. I was told I could never sing like that or hit any of those notes. Well, I took voice lessons. I ended up about 10 years later playing the role I always wanted to play "Aldonza" in "Man of LaMancha" the role I was told I could never hit the notes in. I would've never done that had I listened to what others told me.

Since I married nearly 20 years ago, slowly but surely I forgot that drive I had. Richard is a very negative person when it comes to anything I want to do. I tried Mary Kay a couple of years ago. He sabotaged that by using the computer (we had dial up) at the same time I needed to call prospect. He didn't do that before. I couldn't use a cell phone because it cost more (that was before good calling plans came into play). In honesty, I lost my zeal and went into bankrupcy.

I learned to keep my mouth shut. I said before I was going to try to write about Greece. He doesn't know that, and I think it okay for me to keep that from him. I was doing well with that until my dad got sick and we had to endure another scare with Richard and his heart (that's alright now)

Speaking of his heart problems. I spoke to my therapist about it, and he said that it most likely isn't that earth shattering. I spoke to his cardiologist and while he wanted to make sure, he reassured me that Richard would've recovered nicely if he had to have that surgery. According to Richard, he was almost preparing for his funeral. This drives me to the point of guilt and anxiety. Therefore; losing focus with what I set out to do.

I am sorry this is long, but I felt the need to vent out a bit. I have wanted to do this for awhile, and thanks again for your stories. This is a reassurance and a trigger to my memories of past successes.

To those who have the opposite. I am truly happy for you!

Cheers,
Cathi