HI, Dianne, this is really a good and important question. You’re absolutely right. I mean, you take someone like Susan Smith, who was sexually abused by her step-father, and she drowned both her sons, while others have a wide range of “safer” reactions, as you mention. In a general way, it seems some turn their anger outward, while some turn it inward. Why this happens, I’m not sure, either.

The only thing I might mention is that a friend of mine, a clinical psychologist, seems to think that for those of us who seem, eventually, to work through it, also seem to have some creative outlet, some strong coping mechanism as children until we can get “real” help—usually as adults. For example, one way of creatively dealing with child abuse is to create “alter” personas. (I don’t really call them multiple personalities, but you know what I mean.) And/or other children maybe draw a lot. With me, even though I only really started writing as an adult, still, as a child, I envisioned the world and found “magic” in it in many sensory ways—ways that eventually evolved into writing. For me, this was a coping mechanism.

But then you ask why do some children have these coping mechanisms while others don’t? And while I wish I had an answer for this, I’m afraid I don’t! It may just be what you suggest: personality traits. Sorry, I wish I could offer more insight on this! Oh, I just have to say that my sister sounds a lot like yours! Sue