Dear Chick, thank you for the lovely welcome. I agree with you that it’s shocking and amazing how people don’t want to believe that child abuse happens. Why?

One reason, I think, is that frequently there’s such a disconnect between the (public) man people think they know…and the dark soul of the man who is a secret. In other words, frequently these men (such as my father or Marilyn Van Derbur’s) are, professionally, very successful. They seemingly have lots of friends. Oh, you know, as part of my father’s business, my parents always entertained a lot. So I think it’s difficult for people to totally re-think their vision of these men. But of course we know that people lead double lives all the time. And, in fact, my family’s seemingly normal life was a mask or a façade that hid the dark, incestuous reality.

Another reason for this denial is that I think child abuse (in one form or another) is so prevalent that, for people to admit it happened to someone else, forces them to look at themselves—at their own families—and, therefore, maybe admit that their families aren’t/weren’t as “happy” as they want to believe. Our society seems so seeped in denial. It’s frightening.

Plus, sadly, children’s (and women’s) voices have traditionally been so discounted—not heard. Children are treated as “property,” owned by parents. They have no rights. And when those of us have no “rights,” our voices aren’t heard.

I wrote an article a few years ago for the Chicago Tribune (unfortunately I don’t have an e-copy), about how child abuse should be seen as a human rights issue. After all, children living with abusive parents are like prisoners of war, their parents terrorists holding them captives. So, my sense is that we're a society, a culture, that's used to silence, to keeping secrets. And I think the breaking of silence threatens many people!

That’s so important that you’re supporting your friend in this most profound way. I know this means so much to her, to have you hear her voice. We all need friends like you! Sue