Dianne

I apologize for leaving out the second n in your name in my last message. I didn't proof read the message before I posted it.

Another kind of gossip is about one's personal life. I wasn't really into the gossip circle, so that may have had an impact, because most of what I heard was true. The most memorable situation was when a female sales director became pregnant and she wasn't married. She was responsible for a multi-billion dollar territory. She had twins and returned from maternity leave. She was very upfront about the situation, except for identifying the father. Her career seemed to continue to go well. Then she had a second pregnancy and after her third son was born, she left the company. I have no idea if she was asked to leave. There was no gossip that she was. But, she handled herself like a lady over the three year period. She acknowledged the situation and mantained her dignity.

Nothing happened to the person who was said to be the father. He continued to stay married and he continued to be promoted. He did have a break down at work, but it was publically attributed to the stress of the job.

Most of us have done something, although not as radical as this, that we wouldn't want people to gossip about. But if they do, and it's true, there's not much you can do except carry on with dignity. If it's not true, then I think you should go out of your way to demonstrate via your actions that it couldn't be true. For example, say the gossip is that you stole a pencil. Make a point of borrowing pencils and immediately return them with thanks. Then mention it later:"Sue was so nice. She let me borrow her pencil. I told her how appreciative I was when I returned it at the end of the meeting."

Another kind of gossip is about your career. If someone is saying bad things about you to make you look bad, then we're back to the first situation I mentioned in the first message on this topic. Confront them privately, if they don't stop, make the corrections publically in a positive manner. The key here is to not get angry, be firm, be polite, and a little humor always helps. If the gossip is true, mantain your dignity and work on changing the impression the gossip has created. Suppose you got demoted. Ok, you got demoted. Don't bring it up in conversations unless someone asks. Most important, don't let it color your picture of yourself and work extra hard to demonstrate your competence in your new job. If it's not true, demostrate that it's not through your actions.

Hope this makes sense. I'd be interested to hear if it does.

Carol K