Hi all
(This is Kathy from the ninewomen group.)
I'd like to add a couple of thoughts after reading all the posts.

I have been thinking about the "unwritten rules". The challenge of working in corporate America for me was that there wasn't any published rulebook, but it was a "learn as you go" way of operating.
I can remember that it took me a while to learn and figure out what was expected and I always felt like I was on the outside and I was guessing. I always felt at a disadvantage because I was sure that all the guys knew the rules and they left the women to guess. (This probably wasn't true, since there were a lot of men in the dark too, but it sure felt that way at times)

One of my first bosses, privately explained to me to dress like a "professional" if I wanted to be treated seriously.

At one point in my career (in my late thirites) I was adopted by a couple of guys who were in their middle to late forties. They decided to teach myself and another younger woman the ways of business. They thought we were smart but, they told us that we would never be successful unless they took us under their wing, because of what we didn't know. They became our friends and clued us in to such things as--is it okay to "drink" at business functions, what the expected dress was of the dreaded business casual, what do you do when you are caught in a politic battle between two warring bosses, how to "game' your boss into a good evaluation and a lot more. They shared with us the secrets of the good old boy's network so that we would know who was on the fast track and who wasn't and told us "stories" about our bosses. They even taught us how to play poker and the importance of a poker face. I really missed them when they took early retirement in their early 50's.

Even their advice wasn't sufficient to feel like I knew the "rules". I always felt like an outsider and I discovered after joining NineWomen that all the other women felt like outsiders too.

Kathy