quote:
Originally posted by Vicki M. Taylor:
I'm always afraid of when it's going to come back again. Me too! It's a constant fear...and I'm not bi-polar.

How should I prepare myself for those times? Should I build up a small support system with hubby and friends so that I can let them know when the cycle is coming and be prepared for their help during the low/depressed time? What kind of help can they give me?
YES! That's one of the keys to learning how to manage depression...prepare yourself during the good times. Arm yourself with whatever you know you're going to need to fight off what you fear the most.

For me, the thing I fear the most is the suicidal thoughts coming back...I ALWAYS fear that next time they'll be too strong and I won't be able to resist. But now they won't be, because I've armed myself with three things:

THE TRUTH: I AM LOVED and My Life is Worthwhile simply because I exist...therefore, I choose LIFE - those are the Truths I keep flinging at the lies that try to suck me down into despair;

KNOWLEDGE & COMPASSION: I know now what those sirens of suicide sound like, I know their MO, so I know to fling that truth at them the moment their destructive whispers begin to appear on my horizon. And I know now that it's part of my illness; they will come back. But instead of beating myself up for feeling those thoughts, I embrace myself with compassion and love myself through the fear and anguish of those long dark nights;

SUPPORT: Yes, build up a small support system for yourself now, with people you KNOW to the core of your being love you and will be there for you. I didn't have anyone this time around except hubby and my therapist. I hadn't had time to build up that network here in a new city. It made it so much harder. If you have such people in your life, ask them if they're willing to be there for you when that depressive cycle hits you. Tell them what to expect. Tell them how it specifically hits you...mangled thinking, self-ostracism, whatever. Tell them how to be there for you.

In this last bout, I went through a disastrous detox from one anti-depressant while switching to a new one. I was in agony, both physically and emotionally. There was one day when I was so antsy and skitterish, I could barely hold on...my husband didn't know what to do. I said the first thing that ran through my mind: run me a warm lavender bath. He did, he gently bathed me for about 20 minutes, and the crisis passed and I was able to call the therapist and get help the next day.

As to what kind of specific help they can give you, it really depends on how the depression hits you. The number one thing would be to ask them not to give up on you, no matter how much you withdraw from them. Ask them to keep loving you and to keep reminding you that their presence and friendship will still be there for you when you're ready for them again.

Other than that, figure out what you most yearn for in those depressive times...to be left alone or to be gently surrounded by quiet caring people who will accept you just the way you are? Ask them to understand that this quiet downtime is essential to your mind being able to heal itself.

Casseroles, homemade cookies, ice cream and/or fresh fruit? Ask them to help you with keeping your comfort foods in stock, since you won't feel like going out to the grocery store.

Try and remember what you most anguished for during your last depression, write those things down, and ask your network of people to help ease that specific discomfort or meet some of those special needs with/for you during that time.

[ September 03, 2005, 05:08 PM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]