What are your concepts of NORMAL? How do we define NORMAL? I noticed that my book has many references to the word “normal” and the state of being as “normal.” What are your thoughts about NORMAL? The following are some excerpts from the book to help start the discussion.

***As a child, my father disparaged my interests. After reading the encyclopedia’s entries about horses and dogs, I memorized the characteristics of each breed. My father called me a “bookworm” and scolded, “Go outside and play like a normal kid,” implying that I was not normal. Instead of appreciating my intelligence, he was afraid of it. Perhaps he was afraid that I would figure him out for the phony he was. Like counterfeit money, I did not know how deceiving he could be until I was emotionally bankrupt.

My mother had a knack for first-class cooking, using common recipes clipped from the newspaper to make gourmet meals. She would have me set the table with placemats indicating who would sit where. As we ate salad tossed with homemade vinaigrette and lasagna layered with ricotta cheese, we agreed that she was the best cook. The family functioned around food and mealtime made us “normal.”

One Christmas, I observed my family decorating a tree. I wrote: A spell had been cast over the family that made us look like normal. What if I put a decoration in the wrong place? I could shatter “normal” into pieces like a glass ornament that slipped off a branch and fell to the floor.

In college, having an apartment, a course schedule, a backpack, a new bike, and a checking account all seemed so “normal.” Normal seemed like a state of being I ought to achieve, like wearing a costume to a masquerade ball. I felt as if I was merely conforming to society. If I let go of those standards, my perfect normal might lie bare naked, and unwanted by others.

In counseling, I told Karen: “I can’t discern excitement from anxiety because emotions are all the same to me. If a real feeling rears its head, it’s ugly and scary. I don’t even remember what a normal emotion feels like.”
She responds: “Your normal self was altered by abuse.”
I said, “I felt normal only when my consciousness was altered. [by drugs/alcohol] So, what is normal?”

Karen said, “Normal is having the skills to identify, express, and manage your emotions. I’ll help you learn those skills. Keep your commitment to changing your life!”

I’d once thought that reincarnation was required to change my life. Karen was inviting me to embark on a journey in the here and now. I could use my inner resources to reestablish normalcy or invent a new normal in this life. I could call upon my courage reserves to navigate the hurdles and overcome an obstacle course of adverse circumstances.***

Boomer friends, counseling and medication has made me feel normal, and I have no doubts or insecurities about how good normal feels. How about you?