Dotsie--

How wild! I had no idea you were going through the same thing today. And, yes, it's amazing how they grow up. Like you, I controlled myself when I gave Ev a tight hug this morning. (I shed my tears as I was posting my entry.) The bottom line is that even though the last of my children left today, being a mom never stops. I still worry about my 28 year old, even though he's doing great. I can't help it.

As far as the conference goes, thank you SO MUCH for your encouragement. It really helps. The conference is being sponsored by the Women's Center at the College of Lake County in Grayslake, Illinois. The theme is "Doing Gender Better: Rethinking Our Roles in Family, Work, Education and the Media." I'm comfortable speaking about late blooming, finding voice and even women's literature (I used to teach a women's lit course), but I haven't specifically thought about the issue above. I need to put together a one-page proposal today if I'm going to do it. If I accept, they'll pay me a stipend for my transportation and for the workshop. And, yes, I will be able to sell books there. Can you believe I would have even considered declining?

Which brings me to Unique's question/plea for advice. You're not going to like this, Unique. You specifically told me NOT to say it. But my advice is to just do it. Really. Just be bold. Start small. Four years ago I remember telling a friend who had extended me an invitation to a party that I loved her and loved coming to her house, but I hated parties and just didn't want to come. It sounds like such a little thing, but it was bold of me to say this. Before, I would have either gone to the party anyway or made some excuse not to attend. These days I accept almost all invitations--or at least seriously consider them--to stretch myself, make connections and meet new people. I really enjoy getting out there. But back then I was just starting practicing being bold (and, for me, it is a practice, it is a habit I've built) and it was scary to be so truthful. The cool thing is that the woman, her name was Lee, not only understood what was I doing (I told her I was practicing being bold), but was tickled.

So what I'm saying, Unique, is that I think you'll feel better about yourself and recapture some of that spirit you feel you've lost (did I articulate this right? am I "getting" what you're experiencing?) if you take some action. You don't have to do anything big. Being a mom of an 8-year old might slow you down--it certainly slowed me down when I was at that stage of my life--but it doesn't have to keep you from being the person you want to be.