Hello all,

Sorry I haven't been here in a while...life has been catching up to me.

I am now dating a 45-year-old man who lives in Arizona. He is sweet and gentle and low-key, not like my hyper, competitive ex-boyfriend. He comes out here from time to time, most recently for my 40th birthday last weekend. I really hope that we have a great future together.

But I think he's depressed. He hasn't had a job in 5 months, and he says he feels unmotivated and not sure what to do next. (I don't think the brutal Arizona heat helps his energy level, either.) He is afraid that things are going to get worse for him before they get better. He thinks that people won't want to hire him because they can take one look at him and see that he's a "flake." Plus, his family is not supportive at all, despite his being the only one who has a college education.

I told him that I would stand by him, that he deserves everything good that life can offer. I have sent him positive e-cards and will mail him a box of self-help books.

What else can I do for him? Realistically, I know that I can only do so much; he will need to do most of the work himself. He says he doesn't want to take drugs (I don't blame him) or go to therapy, and we are both agnostic so religion won't help.

Thanks for "listening".