quote:
Originally posted by smilinize:
quote:
Originally posted by DallasGal:
I believe for the most part that dating on the internet is wrong....
Dallasgal, yours is another beautiful love story. I wondered why you feel that meeting online is "wrong." Is there some Scripture that says it?
Just curious.
smile
Not wrong as in a "sin" - just the wrong way for most to go about meeting the love of their lives.

Conversing online provides a false sense of familiarity in which women often feel that they "love" some one just from words in chat and e-mails. Because of these premature feelings women, especially, tend to jump the gun, overlooking personality conflicts, character flaws and stick to the belief that the "real" person is the one they fell in love with online. This holding to the ideal person above the real person is a potential marriage buster. The false sense of familiarity also tends to lead couples into being more intimate, or sexual, than what is actually beneficial to the long-term relationship. The feelings of love also tend to get women and men caught up into cybersex, which is devoid of the powerful emotions and care for another person found in the intimate sexual relationships between a husband and wife. Ultimately, most women I have talked to have felt "cheapened" after the alure of cybersex had faded. "Logging offline" is no substitute for the feelings a wife has while falling asleep in her husband's arms after a good round of sex.

Hope that helps clarify why I feel online dating is wrong - ultimately the wrong way of going about dating and meeting people.

Granted, there are some online dating arenas that are better than others - Eharmony.com is the best one IMO. I have done research on many of these services for an article for Second-Time Single Moms, and was impressed with the system for Eharmony - however, I received this quote back from "Shawn", one of the guys who was part of my survey group. I think it shows online dating and some of the struggles from a "guy point of view" as it relays the conflict of how differently women and men view the level of a relationship established online:

(In Shawn's words)
"I joined eharmony in October I think. I have gotten over 400 matches. It seems like everyday I get a few matches. The only thing is I have only talked to just a few of them and met only two in person. Both of the matches I met where very nice people. I did notice that Eharmony can be a dangerous tool also. Although the intentions of Eharmony is good there are a few dangers. One thing I have noticed is that many of the people you meet in person are very serious about a committed relationship right away. What i mean by that is because you both know so much about each other before you meet there are definetly some dangers that can take place. One of those dangers is intimacy and the other danger is that many of the people you meet are already attached to you. I think some people build up a fantasy of what the person is based on the emails and correspondence that occurs. You being married you understand how important it is to get to know people at there best and see them also at there worst. This can only take place if two people spend time together. This can be hard because your match might be far away. So it is hard sometimes to get that quality time together. I am not sure how this will work in a marriage setting. I definetly think that both persons must spend allot of time together. I have a friend who married a girl from Eharmony. Like most relationship there had to be allot of marriage counseling after they where married. It is easier I have also found out to lie to the other person or stretch the truth a little. This can also harm a marriage. I believe that the most important years of marriage are the first few. Most people who have marital problems can trace them back to things that where done in the first few years of marriage. This can come from unforgiveness, bitterness etc..... I say this to say that I am not sure how stable this apporach is to the long term committment of marriage. Oh yea match makeing online can be very expensive also. Not neccessarly from Eharmony but the fact that many times you have to travel a great distance to see your match so that can make for an expensive date. I do like the approach of learning about a person. I know that eharmony says they have had over 6000 marriages but I would like to know how many of those people are still married today. Anyways as for me it has been nice to make friends. I think that ultimately the most important thing is that I give my desires and relationship to God. Sometimes people may feel like they are trying to play God on Eharmony by talking to so many matches. As for me I take the approach that I am makeing friends and trusting God for His greatest will in my life."
-Shawn B., Arkansas

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