Hi Jabber,

I've actually written blog posts about this topic. The experts I've referenced recommend getting everyone together during some family gathering, like Thanksgiving or Christmas - or even throwing a big birthday bash for yourself - and then feeding them nice meal. During the meal, you have the opportunity to tell people all the important things you need to have them know before your death.

Another good time might be a another family member's visitation, since it's also a time when everyone is together. But this might not be the best time, as the recently deceased, who you are there to honor, deserves to be "the main attraction."

But shortly after such a death, when your family member's death is still fresh on everyone's mind, is a good time to share your personal wishes.

For example, my husband's nephew died recently. At the visitation, everyone there eventually came up to the front of the room to view the body in the casket. I was reminded that I do not like this procedure. I again realized that when I die, I want a big celebratory party to be held in my honor, with my guests telling stories about how they remember me, and toasting our friendships. But I wish to only be there in the form of cremains in a nice urn. I DO NOT WANT to be embalmed, dressed up and put on display, so that everyone can say "how lifelike" I look.

So I tried to have this conversation with my husband. My desires are not his, so I need to make sure he knows what I want. And that my children also know. Because if I simply write this into my will, it will likely not be read before my funeral. And then things won't go the way I want them to go.

As for conversations during which I tell family members that I love them. And make sure that they know this: I do this every time I see or speak with them. After all, we never know when we are going to die...

How about other BWS members? What conversations do you think we need to have?