Oh Di, I am sure most women consider the children in a decision to divorce. I know I did. And I ended up deciding that divorce was justified.

And, considering the verbal, emotional and physical abuse each one of us (three kids and my mother) experienced -- generally in front of the others -- I certainly wish my mother would have decided to divorce my father while I was still living at home. (She waited until the youngest kid was in college.) She says she chose not to file sooner because she didn't think she would have been able to support us as well as could be done if she stayed married. Instead, we all walked on eggshells as we all feared his temper - and never knew what might happen to set if off.

Then again, there are situations where one or the other parent up and leaves - abandoning the family. Sometimes drugs, alcohol or mental illness are involved in these sitautions.

Now in the case of my divorcing my first husband, alcohol and infidelity were involved. And he refused to quit either. The kids were 5 and 2. The marriage counselor told us NOT to tell the kids anything. She said they were too young to notice what was happening. Bunk!!

We told our daughter, the 5 year old, together, and it did not go well. We didn't tell our son -- I just moved out into an apartment and once moved, came and got both kids. Well, he certainly noticed that his surroundings had changed, and as a result, he refused to go to sleep alone. He needed to have me there, even during naps. And he would situate himself so that his leg was touching me, so that he could try to be alerted if I got up to leave!

I refused to tell the kids their father was cheating on me, but during their visitation times, they certainly noticed the woman and similarly aged girl who eventually moved in with him. (I had it stipulated in the divorce that she could not move in with him for 6 months, but that didn't mean that they didn't meet her and her daughter.)

So when you talk about justifying divorce to young children, I guess I'd say the need to justify depends on the situation. And many times, no justification is needed, the evidence is out there for all to see.