I seem to be going through a real funk. I am one year away from 50. I wonder if this is normal. I still get my period like clock work but wonder if I have pre-menopausal symptoms. Here is my situation, maybe some of you can relate and help me to realise that I am not crazy. I am hours away from calling my doctor and going back on anti-depressants. I haven’t been on them for five years now and it took me so long to wean myself from them so I don’t want to go back on them but am getting desperate. I’m stuck, I can’t
move forward. I live in the past. I have even reconnected with old friends and ex boyfriends. I have been divorced for 10 years but still mention my ex husband in some conversations. The other day when talking with a friend something she said made me mention him and she said “How long have you been divorced”.
That really hurt my feelings but her point was well taken.
I did write in another post about how I met up with an old boyfriend this past summer and wanted advice about reconnecting with lost loves. It brought about some great discussions. Anyway here is basically what is going on. I left a very abusive relationship over 10 years ago. I have three children and they all came
with me. My eldest son was 11 at the time and as a teen got into drugs. He is now a drug addict but is trying to stop. He recently moved out of my home and now I find myself having a difficult time living without the
chaos. You would think I would be happy to have a break after years of heartache and stress but I find that I have nothing to focus on. His problems took up so much of my time. I spend far too much time worrying about him. Another problem, I have been at the same job for over 6 years. Instead of appreciating it I am
always looking for something else. I don’t know if it’s the job or me. The main problem is I work alone most of the time. There is just me and a part time person who only comes in once a week for a few hours.
Other than that I am on my own. I’m in sales and lately cannot make any calls as I’m too down. I’m trying to figure out if I should leave but for the most part, other than the loneliness I like the job and am good at it when I’m not depressed. I have friends but don’t see them much and I don’t feel a real connection with
any of them anymore. Everyone is so busy. I miss having an intimate partner that I can talk to. It’s been ten long years on my own and I don’t know if I will ever meet anyone. I guess the real problem is trying to figure
out if I need professional help. I know that I should get out, join something, do things for me, but I can’t get myself out to do anything. I love art, have four boxes of supplies, paints, books, paper etc. but it stays in the boxes. Is this a pre-menopausal thing or am I in need of medication/counselling. My other two children
are having a wonderful time, spending loads of time with friends, going out swimming etc. while I stay home and do nothing. I'm happy for them but wonder what will become of me if I don't do something about my situation. I am actually worried about myself. I have been very
depressed in the past (when I was in my marriage) and came dangerously close to loosing it. I don’t want that to happen again. I seem to be really mixed up and can't think straight. I've never been this mixed up before. I feel lost. I'm wondering if this is part of pre-menopause or if it is something else. Can anyone relate?