You're right, Chatty. As Dr. Phil is always saying, we teach people how to treat us...we've allowed this woman to manipulate us (using the children as pawns) for so long, because we've been afraid of losing contact with the children. Hubby has thought of just dropping in - he can probably get away with it and they'll probably be glad to see him. Not sure if I'm ready to show up unannounced the first time, I'm a wimp and not ashamed to admit it! But maybe if he paves the way...
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When you don't like a thing, change it.
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

(Maya Angelou)