Seek

The sense I got from your words is that is exactly one of the things you learned...her strength and resourcefulness and those are powerful gifts indeed.

My DH grew up in a very abusive household...both verbally and physically...and carried a great deal of hatred and pain around his stepfather (and, in actuality, around his mother to for allowing that kind of behavior to her children). We ended up in a very interesting exercise one day where we both put ourselves in the situation that would create the kind of behaviors his stepfather and mother exhibited. It was quite enlightening and led to a great deal of compassion for this abused and hated man. As we've been together, he has been able to find more ways to forgive this abused man, slowly but surely. He has also realized how many of his behaviors he had adopted over the years, because that is what had been modeled for him. Learning to forgive has been a gift, to both our relationship and our children, because he has been able to reach out to them and give them new models to work from.

I spent so many years hearing "forgive and forget" and being unable to that it was a real gift when someone taught me a new way of looking at forgiveness and teaching me forgiveness prayers that continue to help me grow and forgive, even if I don't forgive the behavior. And I have, at times, chosen to move myself out of the situation.

During a sermon one day (I go to a Unity church), I heard the pastor say..."yes, forgiveness is important and recognizing the Light within each soul is too. That doesn't mean you stay in a situation where abuse is happening...you can recognize and honor the Light after you've gotten yourself into a safe place."

For some reason, that one really touched me and helped me look, once again, at things differently.

I in no way mean we stay in, near, or around our abusers. No one deserves that, no one!!!!! And it must be very hard to hear those kinds of things from your mother...I know it hurts, and hurts deeply and I most definitely don't condone abuse. It sounds as if you have made some shifts in your interactions with her and I congratulate you for that one.

One of the things that struck me as I read your post was that you learned you wanted to be different from her...to treat people differently, more kindly and respectfully.

My thought for the moment...blessings to you and lots of love coming your way.