It seems that every few years I get a "Houston, we have a problem" report regarding my annual mammogram. In 2002 the initial report resulted in more mammos, an ultrasound and a nightmarish stereotactic biopsy. Luckily, all turned out well in the end, but the waiting for results could have given me a heart attack.

I'm not supposed to get stressed, which has already taken the lives of my mom and sisters at far too young an age.

Now this year, my annual mammogram has once again resulted in the need for special view mammograms and an ultrasound, all of which I had done yesterday. The reports are again not so good, and I am once again scheduled for this stereotactic biopsy.

This time the biopsy procedure falls on the day before my son's wedding rehearsal dinner, and 2 days before his wedding. (It can't be done any earlier because certain technicians and the doctor will be on vacation)

I will have to do the acting job of a lifetime to make like the happy groom's mother, when all I can think of is what may be growing inside me.

Is my luck now running out? Will the heart defect found last month now REALLY start acting up because of the tremendous stress I am now under?

I'm trying so hard to be positive, but it's an hour to hour process. I cried in the parking lot after hearing about the need for this specialized biopsy. Thank God my husband had taken the day off to be with me, or I might have passed out from the shock.

I've suffered through so many tragedies over the years and I'm just plain sick/terrified of these post mammogram horrors. Right now I almost feel I should take a hatchet and cut both breasts off.

Another thought: Though my husband is extremely supportive and says he would love me no matter what, I already had one 20 year marriage collapse because my now-ex thought I was not perfect enough. So obviously right now my self-esteem is not in the best of shape when thinking of a chubby body shape minus breasts.

I'm normally the one who offers others comfort. Yet today I cannot. Thank you for taking the time to listen.