Wow, Gims, this is so me too! How well you articulate it!! Have you ever heard of "scrupulosity"? It's the religious cousin of OCD. I went through several years of struggling with severe scrupulosity, to the point where it very literally almost killed me. It was meeting face-to-face with the mercy of God that saved me. Then it seemed that the faith-filled people that God brought into my life after that encounter affirmed that we are meant to live full, joyful and abundant lives...not without difficulty and struggles, because they teach us and evolve us into being able to love others better, which is (IMO) what we're ultimately here for, to love each other through it all.

My opinion these days is that when our beliefs make us sick or worse, make life so miserable that we want to die, that's a good clue that we're not truly living the beliefs that God meant us to. Our faith is meant to bring courage, hope, light and joy, even in the midst of our darkest nights of sorrow, struggle and tribulation.

Gims, I too really enjoy your posts here, your articulations and ponderings are a much-treasured part of my life and journey.