I have avoided this thread because of my feelings and how strange I may sound, but,I decided that I want to participate in this discussion and be open, and also, they ARE MY feelings!

I have long idolized death. Throughout my childhood, as hard as it was, I thought that death would finally solve all my problems. I still feel death is a gift, if you will, a pain free place to be where it has to be better than this where we live.

I know this sounds very depressive but I love my life. I have a good life. I have great friends, a good career, a family that although small, is loving and special. I have about all I want and if I want something, most of the time I can get it. I am educated, well traveled and love people.

Still, when my death comes I am more than ready. I feel that I will get there when it is time and when I do, it has it's own rewards.

There is terrible suffering in this world. So many in pain, so much to feel compassion for. It hurts me so very much to see this. I hurt when I watch society move towards more and more evil in their hobbies.

My best friend, a very respected shrink, says I am "about truth, beauty and art." If this is true, then it explains why the crude part of the earth, of the people, is so hard for me to suffer.

I have so much fun at times and I am known for my sense of humor by anyone who gets to know me. I do not want to speed up my death.

Still, when it gets here, and I am to go, I will go willingly into the light and will have waited for it for a very long time, since childhood!

Strange, maybe, but the only sadness for me about death is if anyone I love may be hurt by my passing.

Dancer