Okay, here goes, after much thought and being inspired by Meredith's response. I'll preface this by saying that I've been plagued by suicidal thinking since I was 13 years old. Those thoughts can still whisper in my ear when I'm overwhelmed by sadness, grief or clinical depression. After years of therapy, I've resigned myself to the possibility that those thoughts will be a constant companion for as long as I live. So I've worked hard to educate and arm myself, through self-knowledge, love, forgiveness and a vigilant awareness of their presence on the periphery of my mind. Now whenever they appear, I immediately fling truth (that they are symptoms of an illness) and choice (I choose to live) at them...it seems that the more truth and choice I fling at them, the more powerful that truth and choice become.

Do you fear death?
I used to fear the pain of dying, but after having watched so many loved ones die, I’ve realized that there seems to be a special buffer between one’s spirit and the pain at the time of death…so I no longer fear the actual process of dying – I know that my God will send me all the help I need (Jesus, angels, my loved ones) to cross over. What I DO fear is dying before I’ve really learned how to live.

Do you look on death as a reward to life?
No, just passing through to another facet of being. I see LIFE as a much-to-be-cherished gift from God – the chance to experience the joy and power of creation, love and existence as a spirit-being in human form.

Do you wish it didn’t have to be a part of life?
I wish we didn’t have to say good-bye (even if only temporarily) to the people we love and who have been such a vibrant, significant part of our lives. But I know it’s an unchangeable reality, perhaps necessary in order for others to be allowed to come and experience life-on-earth in their own turn and time.

When you really think about it, does it paint life differently for you?
The more death I experience, the more it teaches me about life. I realize what a gift it is to be alive for another day. So death paints each new day with its own wondrous kaleidoscope of colours, discoveries, encounters and callings. Death urges me to search out what I’m meant to discover and weave into my life today.

Does it challenge your feelings of personal significance?
No. Every day when I wake up, no matter how sad, crappy, sick, joyful, glad or anything in between I may feel, I know without a doubt that I’m meant to be alive today. I matter. My life matters, to God, to my husband – to me! I’m glad to be alive. And I’m glad to be me, even if I don’t always know who “me” is or like what that “me” does. I’m learning to embrace my life in all its shades & colours, in all its pain & glory and even in all its sometimes tedious mediocrity – because I know I’m a work in progress and I’m just choosing to embrace –and be grateful for - the journey itself.

Does it render your earthly endeavors meaningless making you realize how insignificant we each are in the grand scheme of things?
NO, each death makes me realize even more that my existence here-and-now is not only significant, it’s ESSENTIAL. Maybe I can’t see how my piece of the puzzle fits, but God can, and somehow my life, my ability to get out of bed and live today fits into His “grand scheme of things”. And that’s enough for me.

I have to echo Meredith, because she says it so beautifully: “Everything/one is small in the grand scheme of things, and everything/one is essential. We are put here for a reason. I believe that everything that is, everything that was, and everything that ever will be -- is connected through time and space and energy. Our significance lies in our being a part of the whole. I believe my/our purpose here is to further that connection and to help others.

A sweater with one piece of yarn missing -- is a sweater with a hole, and the hole grows larger unless another piece of yarn is added. We are all pieces of yarn. Life is the sweater.”