You are a tremendously compassionate and understanding woman, and I think its a blessing that you know what kind of man your husband is when he's "sober" (for lack of better term) and that you've also nurtured your children's relationship with him.

My father-in-law is an alcoholic. I have no idea what kind of man he was like before he drank. I'm not sure my hubby even remembers anymore what kind of Dad he was before the drinking, and for that matter I don't think his wife does either. I'm not sure if he was ever a "nice" man. I'd like to believe there is some good in everyone. I understand alcoholism as a sickness and what horrible self-hatred this man must possess. I think deep down his family harbors the hope that one day he'll quit drinking and they'll be a somewhat normal family. For now, he's mean, abusive and controlling - so controlling that he doesn't let his wife have communication with her children or grandchildren if he's mad at them.

My grandfather also struggled with alcoholism, but for the better part of my growing up he was in AA and dealing with it. He left some wonderful poetry behind that really shows the struggle he had with alcohol, his feelings of self-worth, his loneliness, etc. He was a good man, loved his wife and family and my grandmother did a fine job of keeping it all "together".

So what was my original point in all this? I think I just wanted to say that I honor all that you have done with your family, I think you have a capacity to really teach and help others struggling through the same issues and that I hope you find a venue for your writing that will share that with those that need to hear it.

Or, maybe I was just trying to write a longer post than you (not really.....)