Good morning Ladies~ Dotsie, to answer your questions... I think I am looking for it all - a place to reflect, share, and write, so please don't think that you're missing anything. My person IS my spouse and his drug addiction, when it's active, affects everything he does, much like when he is not taking anything, how this too affects everything around him. I read something recently, but I don't know where, that said that at least five people are affected by the user when they are "sick". And those same people, when the user decides to begin the healing process, begin to heal as well. I thought that was rather interesting because I have seen this and I've found it to be true-at least in our case. We have four wonderful, delightful children who range from 10 to 22...they are happy and healthy and responsible and I've had this love affair going on with them since the day they were born. My husband does too, when he's emotionally available. Maybe my story is "Why I Stayed"... I don't know yet. Maybe what I seek here is response, to measure my own motives, to seek validation of my own. Marriage and relationships are so different to each person, we all strive to glean something different from it, probably depending on where we've been in our lives and what our past familial experiences have been. For whatever reason, I evidently have a need to care and my husband (and he is really a good man, contrary to what your preconcieved notion might be) needs to be cared for... but... does that mean 'forever'? I haven't decided. I think I'm waiting for a sign. A sign that I've shared with God and no other living person... just so I know it's HIM I'm hearing from. So... you may email me at work during the day, I'm on California time, and you're always welcome to email me at home later too. I think I posted those on my profile. You have access to that, right? If not, I'll check when I get to work, where I'm going right now, and I'll send it to you.