Artlady, I don't suppose you have one of those big toy punching bags lying around in your house anywhere, do you? If you do, I'd be very tempted to go and punch the living daylights out of it. I know, I know, rather uncharacteristic of me, being such a gentle, peace-making soul...but there are times when you just gotta get it all out of you, and this sounds like one of those times when a punching bag would be REALLY useful to have around!

I suspect that under the grief and depression is some anger - if it were me, I'd even go so far as to call it rage. You lost so much, including the dreams you had for your life and relationship - having all of that loss rubbed in your face like that has to have hurt you right to the core of your being. I'd be so livid to have had to endure that unexpectedly like that.

I strongly recommend (and I'm no expert, so I could be wrong) that instead of turning that anger inward into depression, find a (healthy and non-destructive) way to outlet it - pound the feathers out of one of your pillows, get a hammer and pound some nails into a piece of wood, pound the h*** out of a piece of meat, scream, throw a basketball against the garage wall - others might have other suggestions, like going to a gym - just find a way to let it out.

And come here often and let us help you through this.