kathryn, i always came right out and said what i wanted to to my mom. well, actually not always. most of the time i did. when she was dying i did because i knew i had to. have you ever told her the way you feel? whenever i told my mom the way i felt it made things easier. often times it was something misconstrued years before, that festered. our parents were raised in a time where things were not "talked about". things were better left unsaid. one thing i feel very settled about with my mother's death is nothing was left unsaid. think about talking with her. it may be something that could be very easily fixed. i have a sister that felt like my mom was mean to her sometimes and felt like she could nevedr please mom. it was never that...it was that my mom missed being so much like my sister that she had a hard time dealing with the fact that she had lost her youth and wellness and just could never admit it or deal with it.