Oh, absolutely, Jane Carroll. I've been hurt so many times. It seems I wear my heart on my sleeve sometimes surrounded by a huge neon sign that says "hit me". But there is always a reason and I just have to back down and trust that there is a plan and I'm not in charge.

I keep reminding my husband, who isn't a believer, that he just needs to understand that everything in our lives will play out in a way that is best for all of us.

I'm thinking more and more each day that I don't need anyone right now. All my life I've been used and abused and have taken care of everyone else but me. Now I'm starting to take care of myself and to understand that, indeed, I am very different from the norm.

My husband even said this morning that I shouldn't be a part of this forum because I'm so different from anyone else. He advised me to save face and bow out. I told him I have just as much right as a 57 yr. old woman to be a part of this forum as anyone else.

We were discussing music. He is a huge fan of doowop. I like doowop in its context and I like music from every era. I even went through a big band thing where I enjoyed Tommy Dorsey and the like. But now I like hip hop. He said people relate to the music that touched them during the formative years of their lives.

I reminded him that my formative years haven't even begun and I'm still being affected by music. I am a changling and so many things affect me and stir my passion. It takes many, many outlets of expression to paint my picture.