If I complain more about my mother, then I forget about the woman who she was and became to be.

So better, that I give a short portrait of this woman and her husband, my father:

She is 2nd youngest of 8 children-- 6 girls and 2 boys. She was born and raised in a village in southern China. She has gr. 10 education. Was a picture bride. My father chose her via a photo and they wrote letters. So when she stepped off the plane in 1957, she saw her future husband for the first time. And when she left China, she never went back to visit her parents or siblings. Airfare was too expensive and they didn't have much money.

Shortly she had me..and 5 more children within 10 yrs. Yes, she is an impatient person, in fact, I think she swore alot ...in Chinese. we didn't know it until we tried to imitate her words. A housewife her whole life except for a short stint as a daycare worker in Hong Kong before she immigrated. If life was different, she would have done well in technical field or applied sciences. She could do alot of mathematical calculations in her head...while my father patiently waited for her to do her math.

For the lst 10 years, she raised us in 1 bedroom apartment. That was 5 children. This is in Ontario, Canada. Before they bought there lst house and had no. 6 child. She taught all her daughters to sew. Sewing was probably the 1 activity we shared, actively sought her advice and help. She spent hrs. occasionally in evening fixing a botched sewing job for 1 of us. She was very conscious of cooking healthy meals for us. cutting off animal fat, etc. Having a coke was 4-5 times annually. A treat. And usually 1 coke was split amongst 2-3 children. The fact that I have a good petite weight and frame is probably evidence of my mother's style of cooking/diet. She herself is not in great health, hypertension, a bit of gout. However she is still conscious of cooking healthily for herself and my father.

She didn't have any family members from her side live in Canada until she was in her mid-40's. She didn't socialize much with other ladies. She was too busy and tired most of the time. She raised all 6 of us for about 5 years, when my father had to work in another city and we didn't have a car at that time. Not knowing English just compounded the isolation. And not understanding her children's chatter in English at the dinner table, didn't help either. However her children did step in to translate for doctor's appts., emergencies, etc. Once, someone said to me, people like her shouldn't stay in Canada because she didn't learn enough English. My response is: she raised 6 healthy children who are not welfare, who do not drink, smoke or are alcohlic/do drugs. That's what she gave back to Canada.

Portrait of my father:
He was sponsored by a great-uncle to immigrate to Canada in 1951. He worked in his uncle's restaurant for 7 years before he married my mother. Was a restaurant cook his wholel life and sole breadwinner for family. He really preferred his wife kept the house, not work outside of home.
He had big dreams for all his children. He demanded that we study every day...and we did. It is possible....but with incredibly hard work (and govn't grants for income-strapped families)...that all 6 children are university educated.

I used to think father was not masculine enough. He has a soft, patient voice, isn't mechanically -inclined. In fact, more artistically inclined though....he tried to squelch any art interest in me when I was young. Ironic. If he is upset..he will laugh. That's just a cultural tick to cover up bad feelings.

He taught himself most of his English. I remember large tapes he made for himself to improve his oral reading skills. You see, in a town of 2,000, they tried putting him, a 22 yr. old man in a school of gr. 2 children. He never returned of course. That was immigrant support services in early 1950's. Yes, he is fluently bilingual Chinese-English. and is constantly the middleman, translator, family mediator in relation to fiery mother.

So these are the portraits. These are the people who helped shaped me. I don't have to look far for inspiration...when I think of the best part of them.