Well Dianne, you know what I thought of your book personally, fantastic and iluminating. It showed me and several friends I lent it to that even beautiful women can be and are abused. The abuser doesn't discriminate between beautiful, plain or homely. Your strength helped me in another way, it helped me to turn my back on a job that was abusing my mind, my heart and my soul. I have become a successful Editor and have you to thank for part of the decision I finally had the courage to make. Thank you lady!

Dianne, I've tried many times over the past year to order your book from Amazon, but each time the delivery date was continuously delayed until finally the order was cancelled by Amazon. I've tried again - Amazon tells me it will be here by Oct 10.

I've read Dianne's book and consider the book a must read. A 'hands on' approach by traveling to Australia and South Africa will provide hope and proof positive that there is a better life after DV for women of these countries. I sure am glad you went, not only for the party and guest, also for yourself and women who need to hear your message.

Dianne, I'm sitting on the edge, what did the psychic have to say?

Thanks gals. I'm humbled. Deeply humbled and Chatty...my book played a part in your decisions? I stand amazed! I'm so proud of you.

I spoke with the psychic but we only talked about how he found this talent and how he never charges for his readings. Said he just can't do that when people's hearts have been broken. He gets paid through his books and touring the country. And...he wore the most beautiful kilt! Black wool crepe with beautiful pins. It was unbelievable. I really like him and he wants a copy of my book as he was raised in a very violent home as a child. He's the nicest man.

Eagle, you could have ordered it through my publisher. I'm sorry you had such a hard time getting it. Heck, I would have sent you a copy!

Anyway, I'm excited to share with all of you this month. I will be leaving to go to AZ for the birth of my new grandson but they have a computer so I can log on and chat while there.

Dianne,
IT sounds like you had a wonderful time. IT must have been a lot of fun and interesting conversations at such an event!

I have always loved spending time with writers. It is such a blast and the words never stop!...no matter what the conversation is about, each group is talking about something different.

I read your book also in two days and you did a good job!
Very nice thoughts and descriptions of the emotions that you just can't get from a statistical book huh?

I am also looking forward to seeing peoples questions and answers.

Nancy

Bathbuddys, welcome! Hope you'll stick around and let us get to know you better.


Dianne, all this from a gal who recently shared that she was becoming reclusive. I believe in the power of prayer!

You'll have to tell us more about your trip and duture plans for your book, but I want to start getting into the nitty gritty.

The first text I underlined was:

I also knew I had nothing to be ahamed of. I was the victim. I didn't abuse another person - I was abused.

Do you think shame is the main reason women cower in the background and rarely share thier secret?

A victim of abuse leads a shame-based life for many reasons. Let's face it, being abused by your spouse or partner is not normal and if married, it goes completely against the wedding vows. So, living this conflicted and confusing lifestyle creates many emotions.

Add to this mixture, the abuser placing the blame on her shoulders. Most victims come from dysfunctional families to begin with so it doesn't raise the flag that something is wrong with the man they married but a flag within themselves that keeps the blame in their hearts and soul. They, alone, have caused this nice man to become angry and violent. What can they do to fix it? Be quiet--become more submissive--pray more--have his meals on time--meet all of his demands? The list is endless and the really bad thing about an abuser is his demands continue to change. The woman will "fix" whatever it is that's making him beat her to only be met with another demand. It keeps her off-kilter.

I took the word "confuse" apart and came up with this. When living with an abuser, he will continually con her into believing it's her fault and when she accepts this as fact, it will fuse her to him and his false words and statements.

It is EXTREMELY difficult to get rid of this shame. Even after I had been in therapy for some time, I heard that the ex had remarried and it only lasted seven months because he was also abusing her. I remember thinking to myself, "Oh, so it wasn't just me...he beats all the women he's involved with." I still had that small glimmer of blame.

Being a victim is nothing to brag about although I've met women who have been divorced for 16 years who still talk about it like it happened yesterday. All the anger and shame are still there and many wear it like a designer wardrobe!

Dianne, do you think talking about being a victim of abuse helps to reduce the inherent shame? What word or value would be the opposite of shame? Also, what do you mean by wearing it like a designer wardrobe? (I don't get the analogy, sorry.) I like the "confuse" analysis: right on!

Lynnie, I think it depends on "how" a victim or survivor talks about it. Do they use it to help others or to stay in the victim mode and hope people will feel sorry for them? Does their tale of woe enter a room before their body does? Where does the value of sharing come into play and why?

Let's say you are sitting with people in a restaurant, having coffee, and stand up and announce, "Well, I have to go to my battered women support group now." What is the reasoning for sharing this information? Usually, to call attention to yourself for one reason or another.

I believe the opposite of shame would be acceptance. It happened to you but shouldn't define who or what you will be in the future.

Okay, the wardrobe analogy. Some women will wake in the morning and apply make up, fix their hair, put on jewelry and before they leave the house, don their "feel sorry for me wardrobe." Their full intention is to talk about what they've been through, how tough their life is, what the latest horror their husband did to them, yada. It becomes a part of their every day personality.

I'm 100% for women regaining their power and they can't do it if they remain trapped in the past.

Amen to that!! No matter how hard it may be to move on past the horrors of ones abuse, until they can say, "Yes I was abused and now I'm not." Same concept as 'A sore will never heal if one keeps picking at the scab'. What I have seen all to often when someone tries to speak openly about their past abuse is that LOOK, she gets, like I told you so, or well that would never happen to me. Usually thats from a friend or relative, which makes hiding the abuse easier.
We have come a long way and yours and Lynnies books and this BWS and your EADV site are a God send for abused women.