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#83392 - 07/21/06 08:07 PM A private question
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
Not so private since it's out here for all to see.

Dotsie started this site so we could connect, encourage and support. But, I'd like to know how many of you get that at home and maybe, come here for what you're missing?

Especially you writers. Do you share your work with the hub or SO? My hub is the last person I'd share it with. One, he's a man and I write about womens issues and two, he isn't supportive. Oh, he will act like he might be interested but it usually ends in a huge argument. I finally stopped sharing anything I'm even thinking about writing because he's zero help as far as support. Let's see...it's only taken me how many years to arrive at this point? Too many.

And although I'm currently working on a new book I'm always hesitant to even share here. I think this comes from being raised in a family where dreams were discouraged, ideas smashed and hopes killed. You learn at a very early age to just keep everything in. So, for me to even risk opening up and sharing with the hub is a big step but he's shown he just isn't interested.

If you want to PM me instead of sharing openly in this forum, please do so. I just wondered how many of you gals were going through the same thing.
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice.
www.eadv.net



Boomer Queen of Shoes

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#83393 - 07/21/06 08:41 PM Re: A private question [Re: Dianne]
positiveliving Offline
member

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 123
Loc: Wiltshire, UK
Hello Dianne

I am pleased to report that I am in the opposite experience. It is Steve's faith in me that has given me the strength to move forward at such a rate over the last few years.

We are on a spiritual path together and he gets equal if not more joy from watching the work I am doing and seeing the changes I help create in peoples lives.

I jokingly call him my Manager.
_________________________
Love and blessings
Samantha

'because life is not about the challenge' ?
www.positivelivingprogramme.com

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#83394 - 07/21/06 09:37 PM Re: A private question [Re: positiveliving]
Dancing Dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 2529
Loc: Southern California
My hubby's supportive, but not really involved in what I do. I like coming here to get ideas, share my experiences, and learn what all the ladies are doing in their lives.

If I make a business decision to, say, add more styles of hot flash pajamas, he'll say "That's fine dear". He trusts my judgement, but doesn't really get involved in things. I kind of like that, actually.

Kathy

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#83395 - 07/21/06 09:56 PM Re: A private question [Re: Dancing Dolphin]
Bluebird Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
Samantha, your husband sounds wonderful!
_________________________
Jackie

In My Father's house are many mansions...John 14:2

http://www.myspace.com/westernbluebird

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#83396 - 07/21/06 11:57 PM Re: A private question [Re: Bluebird]
Casey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 789
Loc: Aptos, California
My husband's very supportive as well. He read every chapter of my latest book (Who Am I?) and gave me feedback -- as well as a little light editing. We've even worked it where I can ask him to read it and not be critical. He's cool that way!
_________________________
Casey Dawes
Wise Woman Shining
Supporting women business owners to step into their power as business leaders.

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#83397 - 07/22/06 12:52 AM Re: A private question [Re: Casey]
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Trixie thinks I'm a good writer. JJ

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#83398 - 07/22/06 03:09 AM Re: A private question [Re: jawjaw]
Princess Lenora Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Hello Dianne, before I answer the question, I wanted to discuss semantics. You said you write about "women's issues." I don't know what you are working on now (last I heard it was a screenplay, maybe a collaboration? or a novel, sorry, can't recall at the moment) anyway, if you are referring to "Whose Face..." Dianne, you know that is not a women's issue. You write clearly about emotional, verbal, and physical abuse, as well as the control your father had over you and your mother's weakness. DV in any form is not only a women's issue. It is the responsibility of both genders. Domestic violence is everyone's issue, but I'm preaching to the choir, just trying to make all things clear. My husband has always been supportive, and in some ways involved. He has never read TEARS. When I was writing it, I had to force him to listen to certain paragraphs just to I could hear how they sounded or what impact they would have. He would fall asleep while I was committing suicide on the page. So I learned to read into use a tape recorder and play it back to myself for self-evaluation. Later he told me he could not listen to the pain I was in. On the other hand, he was willing to go to counseling sessions with me when what was on the page crossed over into our marriage. I am spinning my wheels here, buying supplies to make A Drop for TEARS (the pendant) to sell as fundraisers, and buying boxes of books wholesale to sell at the rape crisis center after the speech in October. All this investment comes from his paycheck. So, in those ways, he is supportive. He'll ask me how a networking meeting went, but he would never go with me. He'll help me hang 12-20 paintings at an exhibition. So yes, I guess he is interested and involved as much as he can be after working his 60 hours a week. I don't have what Samantha has on a daily basis, but I know I have it for the long run. Dianne, it sounds like you are saying a certain need or expectation is not being met. What is it that has you frustrated? Does he ask you for help with his jobs? If so, do you offer it? Or do your paths just not cross in offering problem solving in each other's work lives?

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#83399 - 07/22/06 02:11 PM Re: A private question [Re: Princess Lenora]
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
If I walked into his office with a Platinum American Express Card under my Rolex and had hundred dollar bills rolled up and stuck in both ears and said, "I have a business that's in trouble..." he'd understand. If I bring up anything that involves female emotional feelings, he turns pale and looks like a deer caught in the headlights. He just can't go there!

He doesn't understand dv. It's so foreign to him and that's good. When I return after doing a support group at the shelter he'll ask me how it went but I just say, fine. He doesn't want details and I don't offer them up.

This is what happens to me when I'm writing (not a screenplay, by the way). I lie down and relax with deep breathing, whisper a prayer and wait. This may sound strange to some of you who have never experienced it but...words start flowing in my mind, just like I was sitting at the computer, writing. I will, in my mind, have a complete chapter. I mean, it's complete, in my mind, with inner editing! I just have to open myself up to listen, hear and do it.

So it happened the other day with the topic being aging and how some women are so scared of it. I was telling him about it and for some reason, he decided I was talking about plastic surgery and how he'd read that only one percent of the female population can afford it and the ones who can't afford it are out of luck.

I tried, several times, to tell him it isn't about cosmetic surgery...it's an inner fear. I was so frustrated with him because he wasn't listening and I felt like Matt Lauer interviewing Tom Cruise!

I refuse to go there again because he just won't get it and I think I finally learned. I have to take these thoughts to outside sources but I feel like it stops a true closeness with us.
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice.
www.eadv.net



Boomer Queen of Shoes

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#83400 - 07/22/06 02:24 PM Re: A private question [Re: jawjaw]
Dancing Dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 2529
Loc: Southern California
Quote:

Trixie thinks I'm a good writer. JJ




Trixie's latest review of JJ's work:

"Woof-woof! Rowlf-grrr woof. Bark Bark Bark!!"

I think it's good to get a "3-bark" rating...

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#83401 - 07/22/06 07:16 PM Re: A private question [Re: Dancing Dolphin]
Princess Lenora Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Dianne, thanks for sharing a real clear example. I get the dynamics of your communication (or lack of) in regards to your work. It sounds like he is about logic and statistics. He turned the angst of aging into a stat about surgery! Your comparison with the interview re: TC & ML is a good one. By the way, it does not sound weird about your pre-writing ritual. Some people have a glass of scotch or a joint first! I use an affirmation, stillness, a warm up with journal writing or letter writing. I also see that you clarified "female emotional issues." Does he understand male emotional issues? Or some universal emotion, such as grief or fear. Would he be able to be in touch with those emotions? Or is he unaffected, or flat. If so, it would be so difficult to stay connected and close If however, "all" you are missing is someone to get feedback in regards to your work, yes, outside sources are the way to go, but that should not interfere with closeness between you and your husband. You do a lot of work in all you do. Buy any new shoes lately?

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#83402 - 07/22/06 11:52 PM Re: A private question [Re: Princess Lenora]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Possibly Dianne he is a strong man who doesn't have thus does not understand these emotional crisis's. He sounds like he has come a long way from the man he was when you first began posting about him and the step kids. YOU seem to be his passion now besides his work, which is an admirable quality that allows you to live and have a good life with few wants. I say appreciate him the good things and allow him to have the weakness of not understanding some of what you do. He's come a long way baby!!!
_________________________
Take a peek at my BLOG:

http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#83403 - 07/23/06 12:08 AM Re: A private question [Re: chatty lady]
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
He knows grief. He talked about what he went through when his mother passed. But, he doesn't open up very often. I mean, we were out to dinner with some people one evening and he shared two stories. One about being marooned (sp) on a little island with two fishing buddies for four days and then, being picked up by some foreign coast guard and being thrown into their prison until their identity could be proven and how their id had been on the boat when the anchor broke and all their families had been notified that they were probably dead. I mean, he never even told me that story! And another one about being bit by a rattlesnake. To him, it wasn't that important or interesting and that's why he never shared it with me.

His picture is next to the word, logical, in the dictionary. He's a good guy. A very good guy but sometimes, I just get frustrated with him. I guess I just can't take him into my female world because he doesn't understand. To his way of thinking, you just look at everything from a logical standpoint and that's it. Me, I'm nothing but emotions and proud of it.
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice.
www.eadv.net



Boomer Queen of Shoes

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#83404 - 07/23/06 06:00 AM Re: A private question [Re: Dianne]
positiveliving Offline
member

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 123
Loc: Wiltshire, UK
Sounds to me like you are two halves of one coin Dianne!
_________________________
Love and blessings
Samantha

'because life is not about the challenge' ?
www.positivelivingprogramme.com

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#83405 - 07/23/06 06:55 AM Re: A private question [Re: positiveliving]
meredithbead Offline
The Divine Ms M

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
My husband claims to be supportive of me, but on many levels he "doesn't get it." He doesn't read poetry at all, and didn't even want to come to my inauguration because "it's about poetry, isn't it?" He hasn't read any of my cancer essays, and doesn't want to. He doesn't get creativity, he doesn't get passion, and doesn't get wanting to share with other people. Luckily, I have a good in-person critique group and a lot of supportive friends. If anything, I come to BWS to support others.

Now as to my jewelry -- he gets that it makes money, so he's happy when I'm beading and selling my work. He attends most but not all craft shows with me. He drives, he helps load and unload my 500-lb. set-up, and he's fairly good with customers. He's stated a bunch of times, that if he didn't help me with the set-up, I'd probably leave him because that's all I think he's good for. Many days, that's about correct.
_________________________
My handcrafted jewelry:
limited edition designs
more jewelry, plus bead supplies

Poet and essayist

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#83406 - 07/23/06 01:27 PM Re: A private question [Re: meredithbead]
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
My hub knew I was writing but didn't question it too much. Probably thought I was passing time or something. When I was accepted for publication, he showed happiness but never read my manuscript until the hard copy was on the kitchen counter, waiting to be mailed to the publisher the next day. He sat up and read it until 2 AM. Did he give it glowing reviews. Absolutely not!

Meredith, I would never want my hub to be anywhere near when I give a talk. It would make me nervous and probably make him nervous too. He has been with me when I've received awards but that's because I made him go. He's proud of me but I'm not sure he's proud of my work and I'm fine with that. He just doesn't understand dv and most people don't. That's why we have more animal shelters than shelters for battered women in our country.

If I'm having an issue with one of my kids I have to tell him, "This is emotional so just listen for a minute." I warn him so he doesn't get that look in his eyes.
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice.
www.eadv.net



Boomer Queen of Shoes

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#83407 - 07/24/06 02:37 AM Re: A private question [Re: Dianne]
Princess Lenora Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Dianne, it isn't you. You already said it. Most people don't understand DV.

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#83408 - 07/25/06 09:35 PM Re: A private question [Re: Princess Lenora]
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
I posted a long response and it disappeared. Most of my response from before the site crashed, are gone.
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice.
www.eadv.net



Boomer Queen of Shoes

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#83409 - 07/26/06 01:29 PM Re: A private question [Re: Dianne]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Dianne, here I go apologizing again. I pray we never miss another post. I'm so sorry. I know what's it's like to pur your heart and soul into a post and now it's gone. It's happened to me too. Unfortuantely, some posts from the 19th to the 23rd are all gone due to the error made by my programmer. Again, I'm sorry.
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com


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#83410 - 07/26/06 03:07 PM Re: A private question
Casey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 789
Loc: Aptos, California
When I work with people in relationships I often see frustration with partners who can't meet another person's need for one thing or another. Whether the relationship can survive depends on how important that need is and if it can be safely met outside the relationship. Each of us is along a path towards spiritual growth. It's a continuum. If we can love the other person for where he/she is and get our needs met, more growth will occur. If we can't, it's another problem.

My ex- is an alcoholic, smokes and is way over weight. Needless to say, our sex life went down the tubes. I happen to need sex in my life. Well, you can see where that all goes.

My current husband is a sweety, but not much of a striver. He works hard, but isn't the entrepreneur I am. Sometimes it's frustrating. He also doesn't talk about spiritually very much and there's some definite emotional walls. Fortunately, there's so much good going on, that I can love him as he is and get those needs met elsewhere -- safely.

Peace

PS: Dotsie, after 20+ years in the tech world, I know this stuff happens. At UPS we lost our whole tracking system one time because someone forgot to change a line of code. That brought a lot of heat until we fixed it!
_________________________
Casey Dawes
Wise Woman Shining
Supporting women business owners to step into their power as business leaders.

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#83411 - 07/26/06 03:17 PM Re: A private question [Re: Princess Lenora]
starting over Offline
Member

Registered: 06/30/05
Posts: 383
Loc: Illinois
Diane, when I was married I also stopped sharing my writing with my husband. Although he was supportive in theory, it was only supportive from the angle that it might provide income. My writing, my voice itself was not supported.

I have found that I only share my writing with a few select people in the beginning simply because it is so easy for one well meaning but wrong remark to 'kill my baby' before its had time to grow and mature enough to stand on its own.

It's hard when we can't share that deepest part of ourselves with the one we should be able to share anything with. But perhaps, with time he will be able to come back to you to discuss this. Perhaps he is uncomfortable because you are waiting for his reaction in the moment. Perhaps he needs time to process what you've written and wants to bring you a thought out supportive measured response.... ?
_________________________
starting over

How we handle change determines our Destiny. P. Trapp
www.pattiswriting.com
www.marykay.com/ptrapp777

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#83412 - 07/26/06 09:07 PM Re: A private question [Re: starting over]
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
I'm also very careful who I share my writing with because it can kill the energy when and if something negative is said.

I have never read anything I've written to the hub. Just might share a thought I had but stopped doing that now. The man just can't go there. It isn't work where he can send it to the HR Department!

Now, if I have a business problem, he's all over it! Just don't bring in the emotional stuff or he's gonna run! He somehow got caught in the middle of a huge emotional problem at the office (not his fault but it happened) and I would have loved to have been a little mouse in his office, watching him sweat!
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice.
www.eadv.net



Boomer Queen of Shoes

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#83413 - 07/27/06 07:50 PM Re: A private question [Re: Dianne]
positiveliving Offline
member

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 123
Loc: Wiltshire, UK
Thats men though, did you ever read that book 'men are from mars, women are from venus' or it may be the othe way around I can't remember right now! Men are wired up differently, they like to be practical rather than emotional.

Perhaps what he can't cope with really deep down is that he wasn't there for you during your harder times?

If you write from your soul, another persons opinion should not matter so much. If they don't get it, they don't get it and thats about them and where they are at, not your writing.

Keep smiling and they all will.
_________________________
Love and blessings
Samantha

'because life is not about the challenge' ?
www.positivelivingprogramme.com

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#83414 - 07/28/06 12:38 AM Re: A private question [Re: positiveliving]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Dianne maybe it would be good to just allow him to excel in the areas you know he is able to handle and handle he will. It isn't necessary for a man to be all things to us and he seems to be there for you on so many levels. After all good men are just boys in long pants....
_________________________
Take a peek at my BLOG:

http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#83415 - 07/28/06 01:38 PM Re: A private question [Re: chatty lady]
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
Oh, I'm over it. Don't go there anymore. That's the only way I know to get rid of the frustration. But sometimes, you just want to share, you know? I feel like it leaves something out of a close marriage.

The problem with me is if you tell them something, they think you want them to solve it for you. This is what the hub does for a living...solves business problems. I told him I would never try to help him do his business but I've sure listened a lot!
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice.
www.eadv.net



Boomer Queen of Shoes

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#83416 - 08/09/06 04:44 AM Re: A private question [Re: Dianne]
Wisdom&Life Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 724
Loc: Chesapeake, VA
I read everyone of your posts and I should tell you ladies, you're being a great help to me. Many times I feel that there is something wrong with me. Reading your posts just ensures that it isn't me.

I have learned to just keep my mouth shut. Before I got married, I never let anything get in my way. Example: This is just one of many, but this one comes to mind. In my early 20's I worked for the Federal Gov in Germany. I remember a position I wanted and it was a promotion. Well, I was told I wasn't qualified. The reasons, I didn't have experience doing an itinerary. So, I heard that one of the Majors in the organization was going to a conference. I asked him if I could do his itinerary. He allowed me to do that. Then I reapplied for a similar position and I was promoted. This is the type of spirit I had most of my life. I was involved in community theatre at that time, and even there the competition is stiff. There were some musicals I wanted to be in and some of the roles required solos. I was told I could never sing like that or hit any of those notes. Well, I took voice lessons. I ended up about 10 years later playing the role I always wanted to play "Aldonza" in "Man of LaMancha" the role I was told I could never hit the notes in. I would've never done that had I listened to what others told me.

Since I married nearly 20 years ago, slowly but surely I forgot that drive I had. Richard is a very negative person when it comes to anything I want to do. I tried Mary Kay a couple of years ago. He sabotaged that by using the computer (we had dial up) at the same time I needed to call prospect. He didn't do that before. I couldn't use a cell phone because it cost more (that was before good calling plans came into play). In honesty, I lost my zeal and went into bankrupcy.

I learned to keep my mouth shut. I said before I was going to try to write about Greece. He doesn't know that, and I think it okay for me to keep that from him. I was doing well with that until my dad got sick and we had to endure another scare with Richard and his heart (that's alright now)

Speaking of his heart problems. I spoke to my therapist about it, and he said that it most likely isn't that earth shattering. I spoke to his cardiologist and while he wanted to make sure, he reassured me that Richard would've recovered nicely if he had to have that surgery. According to Richard, he was almost preparing for his funeral. This drives me to the point of guilt and anxiety. Therefore; losing focus with what I set out to do.

I am sorry this is long, but I felt the need to vent out a bit. I have wanted to do this for awhile, and thanks again for your stories. This is a reassurance and a trigger to my memories of past successes.

To those who have the opposite. I am truly happy for you!

Cheers,
Cathi
_________________________
Proud member of National Association Of Baby Boomer Women!
www.nabbw.com

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#83417 - 08/09/06 07:34 PM Re: A private question [Re: Wisdom&Life]
Princess Lenora Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Cathi, that is amazing how you can turn things around re: the play and the promotion. Obviously, it is not you! You can build on your successes. I think it's true what Chatty said about not depending on our spouses or other to provide for all our needs.

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#83418 - 08/10/06 03:43 PM Re: A private question [Re: Princess Lenora]
Wisdom&Life Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 724
Loc: Chesapeake, VA
Thanks Lynn, but I had forgotten that, like it was buried deep in my memory. This thread brought it out. Thanks Dianne for starting this thread. I knew Richard was a hindrance, whether intentional on his part or not I'll give him that, but nevertheless, a hindrance. I was so busy whining about it, I didn't stop to take a breather and try to come up with a solution. I didn't even bother to get cheese and cracker with the whining. Get it? Okay, 1..2..3..groan!

So true Chatty, I mean, we did fine without them before, right?

Excellent thread ladies, Excellent!

Cheers,
Cathi
_________________________
Proud member of National Association Of Baby Boomer Women!
www.nabbw.com

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#83419 - 08/10/06 04:21 PM Re: A private question [Re: Wisdom&Life]
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
I too love this thread for many reasons. If there's one thing I've learned it is that we cannot be responsible for other's happiness or their actions. We also cannot make that horse drink. If we focus on what WE desire, the rest will take care of itself. Or.....we can spend countless hours trying to make another person do our will and bidding.

It always comes down to choices.

JJ

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#83420 - 08/10/06 07:15 PM Re: A private question [Re: jawjaw]
Edelweiss Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe
I got it, Cathi,…that's cute; "whining without cheese and crackers".

Just want to give my two cents worth. I think your Richard and my Hubby must be related, or maybe it's just a general male thing. I think men are afraid of being pushed into the background.

My Hubby has had heart problems as well. The doctor told him it's psycho…he gets heart racing whenever we have the smallest disagreement. It's awful…like I'm always walking on raw eggs around him. You're not alone with this problem, and I know that guilt trip feeling. Like OMG, the last words he'll hear is us arguing. The last time he had it, I reacted completely cool. That sort of shook him, and you know what…he hasn't had any heart racing for the last six months now. Just want to say, Cathi, I feel with you, you aren't alone with this problem.

I read all the posts here too. I found it interesting because I never could read my manuscript to my husband since his English is just "tourist" English. Maybe that's a blessing. He can never read my posts here either, even if he's standing right behind me and staring at this screen. Still as Casey said in her post: "fortunately there's so much good going on." And I thank God for that.

Bye the way, JJ, I'm so glad I could read Trixie's 3 star rating...I thought she was some girlfriend. LOL

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#83421 - 08/10/06 08:27 PM Re: A private question [Re: Edelweiss]
Princess Lenora Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Well, I was very lonely when I met the man who I've been with since 1984. However, in our first conversation I said to him: "I was married before and I will NEVER get married again." We got married in 1988! Sure, there are ebbs & flows, and sometimes I get bored to tears with a mundane middle-class marriage. But I've learned that IS marriage. Try to draw on our spouse's strengths instead of seeking for them to offer what they just don't have to give. My husband has never read my book, because he can't bear the pain, although he knows the whole story. But he encouraged me every step of the way toward writing & publishing & speaking, without comments on money. To me, that's sharing our earthly path together on the deepest level. Yet, if I have certain problems and he's just not capable of meeting me where I am at, I might go to my own self, a girlfriend, this site, a counselor. I just can't expect MH to be all things at all times. Life is too complicated. I think we have to stretch our spheres of support, figuratively speaking. Or maybe I expect too little. Maybe not, since whatever we are doing seems to be working! Dianne, you did a good job of meeting him where he is at, literally, and you also did a good job of getting OUT THERE to support others. Who is your support besides YH?

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