I'm also very careful who I share my writing with because it can kill the energy when and if something negative is said.

I have never read anything I've written to the hub. Just might share a thought I had but stopped doing that now. The man just can't go there. It isn't work where he can send it to the HR Department!

Now, if I have a business problem, he's all over it! Just don't bring in the emotional stuff or he's gonna run! He somehow got caught in the middle of a huge emotional problem at the office (not his fault but it happened) and I would have loved to have been a little mouse in his office, watching him sweat!

Thats men though, did you ever read that book 'men are from mars, women are from venus' or it may be the othe way around I can't remember right now! Men are wired up differently, they like to be practical rather than emotional.

Perhaps what he can't cope with really deep down is that he wasn't there for you during your harder times?

If you write from your soul, another persons opinion should not matter so much. If they don't get it, they don't get it and thats about them and where they are at, not your writing.

Keep smiling and they all will.

Dianne maybe it would be good to just allow him to excel in the areas you know he is able to handle and handle he will. It isn't necessary for a man to be all things to us and he seems to be there for you on so many levels. After all good men are just boys in long pants....

Oh, I'm over it. Don't go there anymore. That's the only way I know to get rid of the frustration. But sometimes, you just want to share, you know? I feel like it leaves something out of a close marriage.

The problem with me is if you tell them something, they think you want them to solve it for you. This is what the hub does for a living...solves business problems. I told him I would never try to help him do his business but I've sure listened a lot!

I read everyone of your posts and I should tell you ladies, you're being a great help to me. Many times I feel that there is something wrong with me. Reading your posts just ensures that it isn't me.

I have learned to just keep my mouth shut. Before I got married, I never let anything get in my way. Example: This is just one of many, but this one comes to mind. In my early 20's I worked for the Federal Gov in Germany. I remember a position I wanted and it was a promotion. Well, I was told I wasn't qualified. The reasons, I didn't have experience doing an itinerary. So, I heard that one of the Majors in the organization was going to a conference. I asked him if I could do his itinerary. He allowed me to do that. Then I reapplied for a similar position and I was promoted. This is the type of spirit I had most of my life. I was involved in community theatre at that time, and even there the competition is stiff. There were some musicals I wanted to be in and some of the roles required solos. I was told I could never sing like that or hit any of those notes. Well, I took voice lessons. I ended up about 10 years later playing the role I always wanted to play "Aldonza" in "Man of LaMancha" the role I was told I could never hit the notes in. I would've never done that had I listened to what others told me.

Since I married nearly 20 years ago, slowly but surely I forgot that drive I had. Richard is a very negative person when it comes to anything I want to do. I tried Mary Kay a couple of years ago. He sabotaged that by using the computer (we had dial up) at the same time I needed to call prospect. He didn't do that before. I couldn't use a cell phone because it cost more (that was before good calling plans came into play). In honesty, I lost my zeal and went into bankrupcy.

I learned to keep my mouth shut. I said before I was going to try to write about Greece. He doesn't know that, and I think it okay for me to keep that from him. I was doing well with that until my dad got sick and we had to endure another scare with Richard and his heart (that's alright now)

Speaking of his heart problems. I spoke to my therapist about it, and he said that it most likely isn't that earth shattering. I spoke to his cardiologist and while he wanted to make sure, he reassured me that Richard would've recovered nicely if he had to have that surgery. According to Richard, he was almost preparing for his funeral. This drives me to the point of guilt and anxiety. Therefore; losing focus with what I set out to do.

I am sorry this is long, but I felt the need to vent out a bit. I have wanted to do this for awhile, and thanks again for your stories. This is a reassurance and a trigger to my memories of past successes.

To those who have the opposite. I am truly happy for you!

Cheers,
Cathi

Cathi, that is amazing how you can turn things around re: the play and the promotion. Obviously, it is not you! You can build on your successes. I think it's true what Chatty said about not depending on our spouses or other to provide for all our needs.

Thanks Lynn, but I had forgotten that, like it was buried deep in my memory. This thread brought it out. Thanks Dianne for starting this thread. I knew Richard was a hindrance, whether intentional on his part or not I'll give him that, but nevertheless, a hindrance. I was so busy whining about it, I didn't stop to take a breather and try to come up with a solution. I didn't even bother to get cheese and cracker with the whining. Get it? Okay, 1..2..3..groan!

So true Chatty, I mean, we did fine without them before, right?

Excellent thread ladies, Excellent!

Cheers,
Cathi

I too love this thread for many reasons. If there's one thing I've learned it is that we cannot be responsible for other's happiness or their actions. We also cannot make that horse drink. If we focus on what WE desire, the rest will take care of itself. Or.....we can spend countless hours trying to make another person do our will and bidding.

It always comes down to choices.

JJ

I got it, Cathi,…that's cute; "whining without cheese and crackers".

Just want to give my two cents worth. I think your Richard and my Hubby must be related, or maybe it's just a general male thing. I think men are afraid of being pushed into the background.

My Hubby has had heart problems as well. The doctor told him it's psycho…he gets heart racing whenever we have the smallest disagreement. It's awful…like I'm always walking on raw eggs around him. You're not alone with this problem, and I know that guilt trip feeling. Like OMG, the last words he'll hear is us arguing. The last time he had it, I reacted completely cool. That sort of shook him, and you know what…he hasn't had any heart racing for the last six months now. Just want to say, Cathi, I feel with you, you aren't alone with this problem.

I read all the posts here too. I found it interesting because I never could read my manuscript to my husband since his English is just "tourist" English. Maybe that's a blessing. He can never read my posts here either, even if he's standing right behind me and staring at this screen. Still as Casey said in her post: "fortunately there's so much good going on." And I thank God for that.

Bye the way, JJ, I'm so glad I could read Trixie's 3 star rating...I thought she was some girlfriend. LOL

Well, I was very lonely when I met the man who I've been with since 1984. However, in our first conversation I said to him: "I was married before and I will NEVER get married again." We got married in 1988! Sure, there are ebbs & flows, and sometimes I get bored to tears with a mundane middle-class marriage. But I've learned that IS marriage. Try to draw on our spouse's strengths instead of seeking for them to offer what they just don't have to give. My husband has never read my book, because he can't bear the pain, although he knows the whole story. But he encouraged me every step of the way toward writing & publishing & speaking, without comments on money. To me, that's sharing our earthly path together on the deepest level. Yet, if I have certain problems and he's just not capable of meeting me where I am at, I might go to my own self, a girlfriend, this site, a counselor. I just can't expect MH to be all things at all times. Life is too complicated. I think we have to stretch our spheres of support, figuratively speaking. Or maybe I expect too little. Maybe not, since whatever we are doing seems to be working! Dianne, you did a good job of meeting him where he is at, literally, and you also did a good job of getting OUT THERE to support others. Who is your support besides YH?