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#83392 - 07/21/06 08:07 PM A private question
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
Not so private since it's out here for all to see.

Dotsie started this site so we could connect, encourage and support. But, I'd like to know how many of you get that at home and maybe, come here for what you're missing?

Especially you writers. Do you share your work with the hub or SO? My hub is the last person I'd share it with. One, he's a man and I write about womens issues and two, he isn't supportive. Oh, he will act like he might be interested but it usually ends in a huge argument. I finally stopped sharing anything I'm even thinking about writing because he's zero help as far as support. Let's see...it's only taken me how many years to arrive at this point? Too many.

And although I'm currently working on a new book I'm always hesitant to even share here. I think this comes from being raised in a family where dreams were discouraged, ideas smashed and hopes killed. You learn at a very early age to just keep everything in. So, for me to even risk opening up and sharing with the hub is a big step but he's shown he just isn't interested.

If you want to PM me instead of sharing openly in this forum, please do so. I just wondered how many of you gals were going through the same thing.
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice.
www.eadv.net



Boomer Queen of Shoes

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#83393 - 07/21/06 08:41 PM Re: A private question [Re: Dianne]
positiveliving Offline
member

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 123
Loc: Wiltshire, UK
Hello Dianne

I am pleased to report that I am in the opposite experience. It is Steve's faith in me that has given me the strength to move forward at such a rate over the last few years.

We are on a spiritual path together and he gets equal if not more joy from watching the work I am doing and seeing the changes I help create in peoples lives.

I jokingly call him my Manager.
_________________________
Love and blessings
Samantha

'because life is not about the challenge' ?
www.positivelivingprogramme.com

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#83394 - 07/21/06 09:37 PM Re: A private question [Re: positiveliving]
Dancing Dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 2529
Loc: Southern California
My hubby's supportive, but not really involved in what I do. I like coming here to get ideas, share my experiences, and learn what all the ladies are doing in their lives.

If I make a business decision to, say, add more styles of hot flash pajamas, he'll say "That's fine dear". He trusts my judgement, but doesn't really get involved in things. I kind of like that, actually.

Kathy

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#83395 - 07/21/06 09:56 PM Re: A private question [Re: Dancing Dolphin]
Bluebird Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
Samantha, your husband sounds wonderful!
_________________________
Jackie

In My Father's house are many mansions...John 14:2

http://www.myspace.com/westernbluebird

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#83396 - 07/21/06 11:57 PM Re: A private question [Re: Bluebird]
Casey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 789
Loc: Aptos, California
My husband's very supportive as well. He read every chapter of my latest book (Who Am I?) and gave me feedback -- as well as a little light editing. We've even worked it where I can ask him to read it and not be critical. He's cool that way!
_________________________
Casey Dawes
Wise Woman Shining
Supporting women business owners to step into their power as business leaders.

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#83397 - 07/22/06 12:52 AM Re: A private question [Re: Casey]
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Trixie thinks I'm a good writer. JJ

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#83398 - 07/22/06 03:09 AM Re: A private question [Re: jawjaw]
Princess Lenora Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Hello Dianne, before I answer the question, I wanted to discuss semantics. You said you write about "women's issues." I don't know what you are working on now (last I heard it was a screenplay, maybe a collaboration? or a novel, sorry, can't recall at the moment) anyway, if you are referring to "Whose Face..." Dianne, you know that is not a women's issue. You write clearly about emotional, verbal, and physical abuse, as well as the control your father had over you and your mother's weakness. DV in any form is not only a women's issue. It is the responsibility of both genders. Domestic violence is everyone's issue, but I'm preaching to the choir, just trying to make all things clear. My husband has always been supportive, and in some ways involved. He has never read TEARS. When I was writing it, I had to force him to listen to certain paragraphs just to I could hear how they sounded or what impact they would have. He would fall asleep while I was committing suicide on the page. So I learned to read into use a tape recorder and play it back to myself for self-evaluation. Later he told me he could not listen to the pain I was in. On the other hand, he was willing to go to counseling sessions with me when what was on the page crossed over into our marriage. I am spinning my wheels here, buying supplies to make A Drop for TEARS (the pendant) to sell as fundraisers, and buying boxes of books wholesale to sell at the rape crisis center after the speech in October. All this investment comes from his paycheck. So, in those ways, he is supportive. He'll ask me how a networking meeting went, but he would never go with me. He'll help me hang 12-20 paintings at an exhibition. So yes, I guess he is interested and involved as much as he can be after working his 60 hours a week. I don't have what Samantha has on a daily basis, but I know I have it for the long run. Dianne, it sounds like you are saying a certain need or expectation is not being met. What is it that has you frustrated? Does he ask you for help with his jobs? If so, do you offer it? Or do your paths just not cross in offering problem solving in each other's work lives?

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#83399 - 07/22/06 02:11 PM Re: A private question [Re: Princess Lenora]
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
If I walked into his office with a Platinum American Express Card under my Rolex and had hundred dollar bills rolled up and stuck in both ears and said, "I have a business that's in trouble..." he'd understand. If I bring up anything that involves female emotional feelings, he turns pale and looks like a deer caught in the headlights. He just can't go there!

He doesn't understand dv. It's so foreign to him and that's good. When I return after doing a support group at the shelter he'll ask me how it went but I just say, fine. He doesn't want details and I don't offer them up.

This is what happens to me when I'm writing (not a screenplay, by the way). I lie down and relax with deep breathing, whisper a prayer and wait. This may sound strange to some of you who have never experienced it but...words start flowing in my mind, just like I was sitting at the computer, writing. I will, in my mind, have a complete chapter. I mean, it's complete, in my mind, with inner editing! I just have to open myself up to listen, hear and do it.

So it happened the other day with the topic being aging and how some women are so scared of it. I was telling him about it and for some reason, he decided I was talking about plastic surgery and how he'd read that only one percent of the female population can afford it and the ones who can't afford it are out of luck.

I tried, several times, to tell him it isn't about cosmetic surgery...it's an inner fear. I was so frustrated with him because he wasn't listening and I felt like Matt Lauer interviewing Tom Cruise!

I refuse to go there again because he just won't get it and I think I finally learned. I have to take these thoughts to outside sources but I feel like it stops a true closeness with us.
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice.
www.eadv.net



Boomer Queen of Shoes

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#83400 - 07/22/06 02:24 PM Re: A private question [Re: jawjaw]
Dancing Dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 2529
Loc: Southern California
Quote:

Trixie thinks I'm a good writer. JJ




Trixie's latest review of JJ's work:

"Woof-woof! Rowlf-grrr woof. Bark Bark Bark!!"

I think it's good to get a "3-bark" rating...

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#83401 - 07/22/06 07:16 PM Re: A private question [Re: Dancing Dolphin]
Princess Lenora Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Dianne, thanks for sharing a real clear example. I get the dynamics of your communication (or lack of) in regards to your work. It sounds like he is about logic and statistics. He turned the angst of aging into a stat about surgery! Your comparison with the interview re: TC & ML is a good one. By the way, it does not sound weird about your pre-writing ritual. Some people have a glass of scotch or a joint first! I use an affirmation, stillness, a warm up with journal writing or letter writing. I also see that you clarified "female emotional issues." Does he understand male emotional issues? Or some universal emotion, such as grief or fear. Would he be able to be in touch with those emotions? Or is he unaffected, or flat. If so, it would be so difficult to stay connected and close If however, "all" you are missing is someone to get feedback in regards to your work, yes, outside sources are the way to go, but that should not interfere with closeness between you and your husband. You do a lot of work in all you do. Buy any new shoes lately?

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