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#72083 - 12/12/04 07:49 PM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
chatty lady Offline

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Daphne, to answer your original question, I literally live by my calendar, never make a move without it. So if and when I do buy a gift for someone early, like in June. It's marked down and even a check mark if it's wrapped or not. I have a stack of Christmas cards on my desk and as they come in I write one back, stamp it and toss it into the mailbox. Personally I HATE MALLS so do most of my shopping from catalogs via email or the phone, no crowds here!! I do really enjoy cooking and baking so do that as gifts as well, and believe it or not, it relaxes me. Last but not least, I have given up the task of having all the family over for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. My son and daughter-in-law bought a new home and wanted to do it there, YES!!! so now all I have to do is BE A GUEST and bring a dish or two. [Embarrassed] This so far have been the easiest and best holiday season ever.... [Wink]

#72084 - 12/14/04 03:50 AM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
Dotsie Offline

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Daphne, I'm following my vision for Boomer Women Speak. I'm prayerful about it and feel blessed as I continue to watch it evolve. Through prayer I have brainstorms about what to do next. So far, so good.

Now that my kids are teens, this project is my baby. [Wink]

Another question about Star Publishing:
Do they only accept certain topics?
Is there criteria that must be met before they decide to work with you?

Also, in chapter 3 you wrote:
"When duty overshadows the joy of life, resentment is never far behind".

I have always found this to be true. As a stay at home Mom there were times I felt like I was serving the world, and doing nothing for myself. I could take a resentful attitude which I didn't like. Being the communicator I am I would explain this to my husband and kids and ask for more of their cooperation. I found that when I spoke up I felt much better and often got the help I needed. All I had to do was ask. I did everything because staying home WAS my job, but there was no reason I should have had to do EVERYTHING in the house. Through the years I've learned to delegate.

Fortunately my husband picks up on my stress level/attitude of resentment and asks what he or the kids can do to help.

I once attended a retreata about this. It was titled Servanthood vs. Servitude. Servanthood is a much better way to live. [Big Grin] It's when we do things with an attitude of gratitude as opposed to being one's slave.

#72085 - 12/13/04 05:08 PM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
That surely answered some of my questions, but gave me only the "pros" of self-publishing. What about the "cons?" Hey, maybe there aren't any?

I was particularly interested in why you choose AuthorHouse as opposed to other ones.

I couldn't agree more with having control of your book. I DO like that aspect of self-pubs...


#72086 - 12/15/04 01:48 AM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
Daphne Offline

Registered: 07/30/04
Posts: 40
Loc: Macon, GA
Chatty, I love these ideas. I heard a long time ago that living by a calendar reduces stress, especially when you have lots of balls in the air. I plan preparations dates for events--an evening penciled in to bake cookies for the church cookie exchange, an afternoon for reading prior to making a presentation, etc. And I never to look at my calendar more than a week in advance--unless I need to pack for a trip, in which case I note "Pack for Asheville" or wherever, the week before so I can start getting things together. As I've gotten older, however, I enjoy the sweep of time a bit more. I resist calendars and schedules, except for setting times with clients, because I lived with an appointment book strapped to my wrist for so many years.

I like the idea of using the calendar for Christmas shopping through the year, though.
I'd also add the possibility of keeping a file somewhere, noting what gift you gave to whom. It prevents that embarrassing midlife phenomenon of buying the same thing for the same friend two years in a row! And sometimes it's fun to find a "follow-up gift--" something to match or complement a gift the receiver particularly liked before, or something to complete a set.

I think avoiding malls is the best thing we can do for ourselves. Yes, I know it's un-American, but I support retailers plenty throughout the year, and I don't see the need to do it in December when the entire population of south Georgia converges for a bumper-to-bumper Consumer Fest within a one square mile radius--and how many merry people do you ever see at a mall at Christmas, after all? The collective anxiety that congregates there would be enough to keep me in hot flashes until next July--but I digress.

Dotsie, I think your vision is the best I've heard in a long time. I'm impressed by any mother of teenagers who can pursue a vision anyway. I couldn't even think about much until mine were out of the house and all the repairs were done!

Speaking of which, mine are arriving home for the holidays. I'll answer your questions tomorrow, Jaw-jaw. Good night.

#72087 - 12/15/04 02:01 PM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
Daphne Offline

Registered: 07/30/04
Posts: 40
Loc: Macon, GA
Okay, I just looked at last night's hasty entry. I'm reminded (to my chagrin!) to respond to your question, Jaw-Jaw, about the down-side of POD publishing. It's EDITING! I carefully edited my book, chapter by chapter, as I wrote. I used a word-processing program that marks spelling and grammatical mistakes. I had two colleagues edit the finished product. And I still went through about 4 galley proofs--and POD galleys aren't cheap to do.

Part of the problem with self-editing is the temptation to re-write with each new proof. You see nuances that could be said just a little better. You get hypnotized by your own Muse. It's a sure way to NEVER get your book out--and to spend a lot of money not doing it. And still, in the final edition, you see typos that "should" have been obvious to you in the first place. I hear that complaint from authors who go through publishing houses, too, but it seems to be less of an issue when a professional copy editor has had the final say. Copy editors not only help with the nuts and bolts-- good one can make the manuscript sing louder. I'll hire one if I publish another POD work.

I'm reluctant to read my own publications because my inner editor wants to go back in gear. It's much more productive to have readers who resonate with the work's message. A book is really an ongoing project between the writer and the reader anyway--that's what makes it such a blessing to the author.

Which brings me to your comment, Dotsie, about duty and resentment. Servanthood vs. servitude says it well, whether we are serving an art form like writing or clients or readers or family or community. The servant is exquisitely conscious of whom or what is being served. She feels privileged to do holy work. The slave, in bondage to servitude, is duty-bound, and prone to resentment. She loses consciousness of her real worth, and feels no choice--only the numbing autopilot that we keep talking about here. As a beast of burden, her humanity is constantly violated. In midlife, we either get conscious with our choices or we fall into mindless duty which leads to resentment which leads to bitterness--and bitterness ultimately petrifies the soul.

#72088 - 12/15/04 08:13 PM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
Princess Lenora Offline

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Hello Daphne and everyone: I have a lot I'd like to comment on, but for now I'll stick with print-on-demand publishing. I too used Authorhouse for the same reasons Daphne did. Instead of saying that I am self-published, I consider that Authorhouse was a partner in my publishing endeavor. I had my book edited by freelance editors 2 times before submission. Then, upon publication, I noticed typos. I just finished reading "Self-Matters" by Dr. Phil. You wouldn't believe the typos! Even text books have typos. I had to "let go" of the desire to make corrections post-publication. JJ: I am having a good experience with Authorhouse. I've even done a presentation about POD with Authorhouse to a local Press Club. The down side is that book stores have to special order the book. The other down side is this: Authorhouse will provide review copies to reviewers at no cost to the author. However, when I send a copy for review, I also send 1) press release 2) articles I've written 3) copies of print interviews 4) presentation resume. I haven't figured out how to get Authorhouse to send the free review copies plus all my materials. So I send the copies myself at my cost. What does this have to do with a soulful midlife? I am in mid life, and I put my soul into my book! I am also a watercolor artist. Daphne, did you do the illustrations? I can't wait to get your book! Love and Light, Lynn

#72089 - 12/15/04 08:16 PM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
Princess Lenora Offline

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Dotsie, what is Star Publishing as referenced in your post? What you've done re: your mid life vision (creating this site) is amazing. Thank you so much! Love and Light, Lynn

#72090 - 12/16/04 05:58 PM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
Dotsie Offline

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Lynn, Star Publishing is the book our last Featured Author used.

You can read back over her information by clicking on the left side of the forums where it says Featured Author. then pull lup carolyn Howard-Johnson.

Hope this helps.

#72091 - 12/18/04 02:37 PM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
Joyce Faulkner Offline

Registered: 11/26/04
Posts: 15
Loc: Pittsburgh, PA
Originally posted by jawjaw:
p.s. What's "cottonhead?" Is that where we eat our young? If so, I'm all for it...

Am I going thru menopause? Why yes, how did you know?

JJ are such a stitch. I'm always laughing when I read your posts.


Joyce Faulkner

#72092 - 12/18/04 02:58 PM Re: Daphne Stevens, Ph.D. soulful midlife
mrsmuzz Offline

Registered: 11/05/03
Posts: 113
Loc: Orange, Texas
Mid-life has absolutely been a time of immense change for me and my family. I fought it tooth and nail for a long time. But God has taken time to show me that he has a plan and that when I go with the flow I cope much better. Not that I have given up on my dreams you see, I have gone back to school this past semester. I am working on the prerequisites for a degree in Medical Lab Technology. I was so scared that I had forgotten how to learn, how to do homework and not to mention being the oldest in my class! But you know what? I made it! I received 2 A's and 1 B this time! I have already enrolled for next semester in our new home town. I have let the holiday's slide and ya know what? I don't feel bad at all...I haven't even opened the flour bin this year and guess what? the world is still spinning! I did not even do Christmas cards to those who sent them to me....I feel almost wicked, but also so unfettered. We have always had huge Christmas commitments and this feels good for a change. I bought stuff for the grandkids and that was it. I told all my other friends, no gifts this year. Their support throughout my hubby's illness, my school struggles, etc. makes me feel I have already been gifted with the best gift of all their friendships. I pray that they will honor my request, but if they do not I have decided to accept whatever comes.

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