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#71567 - 02/04/05 01:07 PM Re: Self-Doubt/Self Marketing
meredithbead Offline
The Divine Ms M

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
Lynn329, everything you accomplished is awesome, especially considering what you had to go through to get there. You don't have to "explain" yourself. Just state whatever facts you feel like stating and never apologize.

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#71568 - 02/05/05 01:32 AM Re: Self-Doubt/Self Marketing
Princess Lenora Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Hi you kind women, this phrase crossed my mind yesterday: "I no longer escape my past, I now embrace it." Have you heard that before? Somehow it sounds cliche to me, although it also sounds original. Anyway, that's how I feel because I did everything I could to escape it. Maybe Sugar feels like I did sometimes, what with all the educated people in my family. When I went back to college I was taking a lot of courses at once. If anyone questioned my course load, I would say, "I am making up for lost time." So, yes, sugar, one inch a day is better than the paralysis that smile mentioned. Each of you had to overcome obstacles to be who you are today. And I am proud to be in your midst! Love and Light, Lynn

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#71569 - 02/05/05 01:41 AM Re: Self-Doubt/Self Marketing
Princess Lenora Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Dear Friends, still in regards to Sugar's post about self-doubt: 10 years ago I moved from California to Kansas. An acquaintance recommended that I join the "New Neighbors Club" which goes a step further than the "Welcome Wagon." NNC offers get togethers for any kind of hobby. So, I joined, and went to a luncheon. At the luncheon, every woman would ask, "So what do you do? What does your husband do?" Here's an example of how those conversations DIED on the spot. I would say, "My husband is the opening GM for 'eat a lot' restaurant." She (whomever) would respons, "Oh, my husband is the President (or CEO) of the National Bank and Trust of the USA and the World." Geez, did I ever feel small. Then, in answer to what I did, I'd say I was an artist. "Oh," she-whom-ever would say, " I was in Tahiti just last week and I saw the most gorgeous watercolor show of the Global Artist of the Year..." blah blah blah. I went home feeling just like Sugar explained, full of self-doubt. I felt worthless when comparing myself to them. I had to regain my worth by comparing myself to myself only, and asking, what does God want me to do (higher power). One of my personal life lessons: don't compare. Maybe not all NNC were like that (superficial and uppity) but I didn't have the energy at that time to be myself amongst them, so I dropped out. No big loss to me or them! Love and Light, Lynn

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#71570 - 02/05/05 01:54 AM Re: Self-Doubt/Self Marketing
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Seems like a lot of women's events turn out to be a contest for the title of 'best husband', 'best kids', 'best career' or whatever. Very often I am way out of my league, but I usually really enjoy them.

I can "almost" always handle things by simply sitting out the race. Unless I'm having a really rotten day, I try to tell those lead the contest how much I admire them (and I really do admire them) then I leave feeling good about myself for making someone feel good which is easy to do because I know for sure that I am the all time grand champion of the 'Best Me I can Be' contest. That's the only competition that counts anyway.
smile

[ February 04, 2005, 05:56 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

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#71571 - 02/05/05 02:02 AM Re: Self-Doubt/Self Marketing
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Sug, another book for you to read. I wish you lived closer so we could share. You must check out Lynn329's book, Beyond The Tears. It's listed on the Boomer Books page on this site. I'm almost finished and I've got to tell ya, it's awesome.

I have never been physically, sexually, or verbally abused so when I've listened to women who have I just didn't get it. Lynn's book has allowed me to GET IT. It's brutally honest with lots of therapeutic words thrown in. I've learned a tremendous amount that will allow me to be a much more compassionate person when listening to victims of abuse.

I mention this because you mention healing. I don't know exactly from what you need to heal, but I think anyone who reads this book would be inspired. I know I am.

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#71572 - 02/05/05 05:30 AM Re: Self-Doubt/Self Marketing
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Really great input and comments here.

Lynn, you certainly can attest to what I felt. Smile, my confidence level fluctuates. Sometimes I feel like you, but most of the time it's like I described here, especially lately since I'm older w/no real accoplishments that generate income. I'm extremely proud that I've overcome, for the most part I believe, the childhood trauma, at least to the point that I function w/o 'all' of the effects it had on me.

Of course those PTSD symptoms come and go, but not so that I'm baracaded inside trying to avoid any sort of confrontation that may trigger some ill-memory. Anyhow, that sort of healing leaves the scars that are present now. Trying to pick up the pieces or patch together some type of semblance of being an intelligent self-sufficient adult. Bottom line talking here, the $$ that makes the home go 'round.'

Lynn's title alone sounds like something I would and need to read. Anyone that's been down the abuse lane could appreciate understanding what to do next. Picking up the pieces aftward is what causes these types of inadequate feelings, at least for me. I believe that if it had not been for 'healing' I would be much further into a more practical life. But, I'm not a mind reader so of course that's all speculation...smile.

We all have our days though. Some people have reported that they feel 'inadequate' (for lack of a better term) around lil' ole me. However flattering that is, I often wonder why.

Dotsie, I'm glad that you learned something from Lynn's book, especially compassion. Most of us aren't looking for sympathy, just some compassion. When it all boils down, it really doesn't matter because we are the ones that have to contend with those inner-conflicts, but it sure does help not to be judged when we already have been so condemned by society.

JJ, if you're around, I stayed up until 5a.m. working on what I gathered from Kelly James-Engen's article in NAWW! Whew, I had a blast too. Of course I paid for it later on today but it was well worth it. If you're interested, I can share my findings off loop.

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#71573 - 02/05/05 10:40 PM Re: Self-Doubt/Self Marketing
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Sug, have you been to Sher's site? I know you're trying to make a little more cash. Maybe there's something there for you.

www.momandhermoney.com [Wink] Maybe something you can do from the comforts of your own home.

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#71574 - 02/08/05 08:12 AM Re: Self-Doubt/Self Marketing
Prill Offline
Member

Registered: 08/24/04
Posts: 201
Loc: Connecticut
quote:
Originally posted by Sugaree:
Oh Dotsie, you are right. Prill's book sounds wonderful and like a must read. Somehow or another, I kept skipping over that particular topic because I thought the title, 'Defying Gravity,' pertained to our 'female body parts defying gravity (LOL). Not that I don't have those issues, Hehehe, but that just seemed like a subject I didn't want to discuss. Boy of boy was I wrong!

I went to her site and sure enough, there are several women featured with my same issues that have success stories etched in them. Great! I'd love my story posted like that one day, soon too.

Good stuff there, Prill! Congrats 2 you!

Hi Sugaree!

I don't want to disrupt the conversation here, but I didn't realize you gals were talking about me last week. Just want to thank you, Dotsie, for recommending Defying Gravity to Sugaree, and thanks, Sugaree, for your congrats. I think the book will inspire you, provide some realistic role models, and in the context of the stories, give you some hints about how to deal with some of the issues you're facing.

P.S. I understand your confusion about my title. My pubilsher was worried about the same thing. (I wish my knees would defy gravity! They're sagging more and more each day! [Razz] ) But it's the emotional gravity of aging I'm encouraging us boomers to defy, not the physical one.

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#71575 - 02/07/05 11:22 PM Re: Self-Doubt/Self Marketing
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Prill, that's why you have to read ALL the forums. Exhausted yet? Thanks for jumping in.

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#71576 - 02/08/05 12:07 AM Re: Self-Doubt/Self Marketing
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Yep, we sure were talking about you, Prill. Isn't it great to peak in on a conversation about yourself and find such great comments?

You're welcome!

[ February 07, 2005, 04:09 PM: Message edited by: Sugaree ]

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