I've been way too busy to visit this site lately, so I missed the Ladybug story. But since many of you know that I did some research on this site, about whether an actual culture was forming online, I'd like to mention a couple of things.

I've been on this site since it began, and interviewed a number of you recently for a chapter I submitted for publication. What appears is that, yes, there is a group culture here, with its own mostly unspoken rules and behaviors. There's definitely a sense of belonging to something, as many of you are aware. And as Danita and Chatty point out, BWS is not for everyone. As Evie says above that there are all kinds of beliefs and values, I found that those who stay have more in common than you might think. Maybe some of this seems rather obvious to you. But to me it's remarkable that such a thing can occur when most of the participants don't even meet face to face.

What amazes me, is that I've felt more love and encouragement in the 3 weeks I've been here, than years of some of my "face to face" friendships...God bless this forum.

I have hesitiated and am still unsure but I throw caution to the wind.....

Here is my three cents. I missed the Ladybug incident and really do not know most of the women posting on this thread but I have been around for over 2 years and this forum got me through a period in life that has been absolutely devasting. It may turn out happy in the end and if I am sane it will be because of the women here. I am grateful every day for the soothing comfort and support I have received and most importantly, some one to talk with when I was the caregiver and had no one to vent to.

If you have ever been a caregiver you know what I am talking about. Thank you to all those women and you know who you are. You literally got my feet moving in the morning.

I left, backed out, whatever you want to call it, from the forums a few months ago. I felt slighted not by words hurled my way-I think I could take that. But by literally not feeling like I even existed. I felt like a ghost. I would post on a thread and the conversation would just keep right on going like I was not even there. I have fairly thick skin so this happened quite a few times. Then I started to pay attention to it and it happended almost every time!

Finally, I posted two new topics really looking for some day to day advice that was not rocket science but would be helpful. No action on one thread and 2 on the other.

Could be that no one had any advice to give-yes that could be the case but after the six weeks of being glossed over I became a bit skeptical and talked with Dotsie and explained my position. She respected it and we moved on.

Time passed and I realized I needed to give back to others what I had received. I did not like removing myself from the forum because I had received so much. I decided I would only post when I could offer some advice or let someone know I would keep them in my prayers.

So ladies, I came clean. You know where I have been and where, if you care. I just want you to know that it is not just nasty phrasing that turns people away, it is sometimes excluding people without thinking about it. I may have gotten caught in the "growth spurt" of the forum and if that is the case, so be it. I am a big girl and will continue to try to give back some of what I have received.

I hope healthy feedback is not offensive, it is not meant to be. DJ's post just motivated me to post. The culture does exist and is fascinating to watch. Don't fool yourselves in thinking it does not. Cultures exist everywhere and to see one unfold in cyberspace is pretty remarkable.

I will be around, hopefully lending a helping hand when I can.

Lynn

Lynn, I know that feeling of being a "ghost"...it hurts. I haven't experienced it here, but with my so called friends and family. I email them letters and pictures, I remember birthdays, etc. But most of the time I don't get anything back. What's worse is if I do get an email from them (and I get so excited when I see their names in the inbox) it's always a lame forward. I'm sure it was never intentional here.

Lynn, you are right, feeling excluded would make a person feel like not even bothering.

It's interesting because when I start a thread, I can't wait to see what others feel/think about whatever subject it is. If it dies off, I feel disappointed, as if I was waiting on a friend to call and she doesn't. Maybe that's something we should keep in mind; that we are having conversations and if we were doing it in person, we certainly would not ignore one of the participants. We would at least acknowledge with our body language or facial expression that we agree or at least understand what was said. This is the first time I've ever been involved in anything like this and I am learning as I go.

Daisygirl

Daisy, how are your cousins doing? Did they ever catch the guy or guys who hurt them? Sorry if you answered these questions already, but if you did, I missed them.

Lynn, I'm so sorry you felt ignored. I personally, never posted on caregiving because I'm completely clueless about it. So far, I haven't been put in this position. But please know that none of us did it intentionally and I hope you continue to come back...please!

One of the things I have taken upon myself is to sift through the topics every other day and anything not answered because someone posted over it or anything that has received only a few replies I pull them forward. Trying to give everyone a chance. And dear Lynn we have all felt ignored at one time or another. I've said numerous times that my name showing up on a post is its death warrant because countless times no one posts after I do. Someone jokingly said, whats to say after you tell it like it is??? We all have to remember to treat others as we want to be treated. So glad your back....

Lynn, I'm probably one of the ones who has inadvertently (NEVER intentionally) missed or not responded to some of your posts. Ironically, I usually saw you as being in deep conversation with others here and often didn't want to intrude, especially on topics that I have no clue about.

I know what it's like to feel invisible and am sorry to have contributed in any way to your feeling that here (and that goes for Chatty too!) It's hard to respond to every post and every thread, not just because of time and chore constraints, but because what wisdom I might have doesn't stretch very far and I just often don't feel I have even two-cents worth to offer in some circumstances. But that doesn't mean I don't care - and I lift ALL of my sisters here in prayer throughout the day, every day. This place, and every women here, is special to my heart.

Lynn, I am so happy you are back.

You are a wonderful writer, very articulate, and you gave us great stories about Jimmy Buffet and your adventures on the high seas, and also provided heartfelt responses to others.

You are a very valuable member of this forum and I do not know whether I personally ever made you feel unloved/unwanted or anything negative, but if I thought for a minute I did, I would be devastated. I have always held you in the highest regard. You are just so special to me!

JJ