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#63613 - 10/12/05 12:40 AM Re: topics that vanish?
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
If I'm remembering right, isn't there info on deleting your messages and isn't there a warning that if you do, it could clean out the entire thread. Or, did I dream that?

I have my own feelings about her departure, which I will keep to myself. We all make choices and she, for whatever reasons, made the choice to leave and take her messages with her. I'm sorry that her or anyone else is in pain. There are many of us here who are suffering right now and it isn't fun. We just need compassion for each other.

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#63614 - 10/12/05 01:35 AM Re: topics that vanish?
Bluebird Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
Yes, we do need compassion...I guess I made a big issue out of this because I've always tried to be a peacemaker. It doesn't work in my own family either. I have to learn I can't change people's feelings and I can't make everyone get along. I just like when everyone's being nice to each other. [Smile]

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#63615 - 10/12/05 02:51 AM Re: topics that vanish?
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
You're right WB however many people were disturbed by the words ladybug posted time after time, and felt maybe there was more going on than any of us knew. I personally avoided answering any of those posts except one and then was deemed 'over sensitive' which is preposterous because if I were my answer would have been much different. I was asked by someone if they thought sending ladybug a PM letting her know as kindly as possible that her post were harsh at times and others were getting upset, would be a good thing to do. I said it couldn't hurt so long as done with compassion, and it was done that way, as one sister to another. Her reply was oh, thank you and I will be more careful or something to that effect. Thought all was well and then there she was again doing the same thing. Ladies when theres a large group of women all in one forum this type of thing happens, you win some and you lose some, its inevitable. Usually however what I have observed is that there are those that can dish it out, but can't take it. Hopefully this forum is about truth. When I ask for advice I pray for the answers I receive to be heartfelt and above all truthful. I think we all try to be considerate but sometimes you have to call a flower a flower. Except for Dotsie and JJ I have the most posts on the site and have seen this before and will see it again, because no matter how hard we all try you can't please everyone. I myself had a post deleted because it appeared insensitive. I took time off to think about it for a few days and decided to just be more careful. Some come here loaded with baggage and no matter how we try they can not nor will they let loose of it. Theres a pertinent saying that goes:

"Flexible people never get bent out of shape."

Maybe with time to reflect ladybug will return, maybe not, but we all are still here and life goes on...hugs! [Smile]

[ October 11, 2005, 07:56 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

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#63616 - 10/12/05 03:00 AM Re: topics that vanish?
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
You're so right, Chatty. I considered leaving this site because it suddenly became negative and hateful. I never wanted or expected this site to be that way and I even complained to Dotsie about it. I don't want to focus on what someone or myself hates. I don't want to judge others. So, instead of leaving, I stopped answering the posts that ran along that nature. For me, that was the easiest way to handle it.

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#63617 - 10/12/05 03:03 AM Re: topics that vanish?
Bluebird Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
Thanks for explaining your point, Chatty. I guess when you have so many women, with so many different situations, it's hard not to offend or hurt someone unintentionally. We all have our own opinions and we need to be careful that we voice our own without trying to impose it on another.
I really like that "flexible people" quote! It is right on.
Peace.

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#63618 - 10/12/05 03:59 AM Re: topics that vanish?
Evie Offline
Member

Registered: 08/27/03
Posts: 791
Loc: Nipigon, Ontario Canada
The only thing we all have completely, absolutely in common here is that we are women (unless you are a man who managed to sneak past chatty's radar LOL [Smile] ). Other than that, we have different personalties, backgrounds, cultures, faiths, countries, politics, moral viewpoints, problems, etc. etc.

Learning compassion, voicing opinions without imposing them, allowing others to vent - all of this is an ongoing process. Some people will grow with it, others will leave. Chatty's post put it well.

Really, it's a credit to Dotsie and to all the women who make BWS their "home", that there isn't MORE negativity. I've seen email lists blow up and disintegrate over much less.

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#63619 - 10/12/05 04:55 AM Re: topics that vanish?
Danita Offline
Member

Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 1550
Loc: Colorado
Well said ladies. I think we have a very unique and gifted group. We all want women to find this a place to safely share, and just be.

Personally, I hate to see anyone go away wounded, but I understand that this place is not the perfect fit for everyone.


Danita

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#63620 - 10/12/05 05:04 AM Re: topics that vanish?
Eagle Heart Offline
Member

Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
Chatty, I really appreciated your post here. And like Evie, I see being able to be here in an authentic, listening, compassionate way for/with each other as an ongoing process...to use Daisy's comment from another post, each of us comes here as a unique "work in progress", with wounds and wisdom that are sometimes unexpected and difficult to delve into, but nevertheless real to the person suffering and sharing.

I choose to stay because I choose to grow and evolve. I also choose to "pay forward" everything everyone here has done for me. You all know what a difference you've made in my life. You have continuously supported and carried me through some very painful moments and issues. The healing you have helped happen here through your care and wisdom is immeasurable, and no matter how tough or painful it gets at times, I find it impossible to leave. Partly because I want to do for others what you all have done for me.

Losing someone we've come to care about is always a difficult thing to grapple with. I always hope for the best for each woman who comes here, and it's painful to realize that it isn't - and won't be - "home" for everyone.

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#63621 - 10/13/05 12:12 AM Re: topics that vanish?
Daisygirl Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 1052
Loc: Ohio
I feel that I should add my 2 cents to this post since I was probably the person who challenged ladybug's posts more than anyone. I hope I didn't seem too harsh when challenging her statements. My intent was only to correct a statement which seemed to include me (or all women my age) when it was not true, or at least not true for everyone.

I agree with Chatty, that every single woman will not be compatible with this site. I'm sorry to see ladybug go, but at the same time I don't regret my words. I guess I shouldn't have read that Boundaries book.

Daisygirl

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#63622 - 10/13/05 12:28 AM Re: topics that vanish?
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Ahhh...excuseeeee meeeee..are we all bout done? Hmm? Aren't you all forgetting a LIT-TAL something here? Gees louise!

Hell-O? IT'S ALL ABOUT ME, ME, ME! k? Are we clear on this?

Ahem...Now, let's see some bowing and scraping, and get things back to normal, shall we? Wouldn't hurt none if you chanted a little of the "I love da Queen" thing too...

Line um up girls, and-a one, and-a two, and-a... (Evie...I saw you roll your eyes...careful missy)

What? what?

JJ

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