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#63603 - 10/11/05 05:24 PM Re: topics that vanish?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Eagle, make the most of your endeavor. Enjoy those you are working with. I'm sure you will.

Danita, I have deleted posts, or a portion of a post in the past, but not entire topics. This is new to me too. I'm guessing that when the person deletes the first message in a topic, the whole post disappears. I'll check this out. My understanding was that you could only delete a post written by you. Hmmm...

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#63604 - 10/11/05 06:25 PM Re: topics that vanish?
Danita Offline
Member

Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 1550
Loc: Colorado
Ladies,

I don't think this was a case of people not being compassionate. I think it was a case of communication errors.

I talked to her offline because I saw it coming - she was VERY open to what I had to say - but in the end, I think she felt like she didn't fit in.

When people speak in "generalizations" and they use "fighting words" other people get offended. And when called on it - she began to feel picked on. She chose to take her ball and go home.

As the forums grow, situations like this will grow also. We will have people come and go.

I think we are very much an OPEN group, willing to accept people where they are at. I think it becomes difficult when people come to us - and myabe they aren't careful how THEY communicate.

You know Dots, I think we should have a sticky that shares "everything I learned about communication, I learned in Kindergarten". Maybe we could put some words of wisdom out there for new posters.

I have never been a part of a more active, positive, accepting group.

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#63605 - 10/11/05 06:41 PM Re: topics that vanish?
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Excellent idea and I think it might save some wounded hearts along the way.

Everyone has an opinion and a right to voice it... we just need to make sure we are not "categorizing" and lumping other people's feelings/opinions, dismissing them, and forcing or shoving our own to the front as gospel. Self-included!!!! Lesson learned.

I think we should, as Danita wisely put it, have the 10 Commandments of BWS, so to speak.

BTW Danita...your pm is full. Please empty and I'll respond to your last message.

JJ

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#63606 - 10/11/05 06:57 PM Re: topics that vanish?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Here is what everyone reads when they register for the forums:

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#63607 - 10/12/05 07:35 AM Re: topics that vanish?
Bluebird Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
I feel the need to speak my mind on this. First, we are all avoiding using this person's "name" and we shouldn't. She has an identity and here it was Ladybug. I could see that sometimes she appeared to be coming off as bragging or judgmental but each time she was called on it, she apologized and tried to explain what she meant. She never tried to hurt anyone and most of the time, she was sincerely trying to share her knowledge about health issues and her outlooks on life. I do think she was being "picked" on by some. There is a real human behind that screen name, a woman who wanted to be a part of something and feel safe to share. I understand how things get twisted and misunderstood and I know how it can hurt to feel like you're being picked on. I tried to stop her from leaving and to reconsider. But what is hurting now (and I do feel her pain) is that some don't seem to care that a soul is hurting, only that there are posts missing. It is sad.

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#63608 - 10/11/05 08:08 PM Re: topics that vanish?
Danita Offline
Member

Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 1550
Loc: Colorado
Bluebird,

I chose not to use her name, because she has chosen to no longer be represented here. So, my "not using her name" was in honor of her wishes.

I don't know how you could possibly know how "some people are" feeling about this situation. I for one liked her, and communicated with her off-forum.

If being "picked on" is being accountable for the generalizations that one makes...then so be it.

WHEN we communicate, we need to be careful that we speak for ourselves, and not a group at large. Generalizations tend to offend people. Wouldn't you agree!?

So, I noticed missing threads - topics I had poured my heart out on. I was just perplexed. That shouldn't be able to happen on this website - regardless of decisions that individuals make.

danita

[ October 11, 2005, 01:25 PM: Message edited by: Danita ]

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#63609 - 10/11/05 08:37 PM Re: topics that vanish?
Bluebird Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
Danita, I thought I was being careful not to speak for everyone, which is why I said "some"...
and I stand corrected on the missing thread issue. I wasn't seeing it as feeling bad after pouring one's heart out about a topic. You're right, that could be upsetting, thinking someone was "deleting" your thoughts and feelings. I don't think she knew the whole thing would get deleted, so I don't thik it was done vindictively.

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#63610 - 10/11/05 09:07 PM Re: topics that vanish?
Bluebird Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
BTW, Danita, how much snow did you guys get up there?? This is my first autumn in CO so just seeing the snow on the higher peaks is blowing my mind! We've just been getting rain down here, but it's chilly. The aspens are still gold, though and some are still turning.

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#63611 - 10/11/05 09:17 PM Re: topics that vanish?
Danita Offline
Member

Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 1550
Loc: Colorado
Bluebird,

I'm in the Denver area - the ground was too warm to hold the snow - so it's just been soggy!

You'll get some SNOW and COLD this year - I can almost guarantee it!

I love the winter - but hate driving on bad roads - it gives me knotts in my stomach....ugh!

danita

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#63612 - 10/12/05 12:23 AM Re: topics that vanish?
Sadie Offline
Member

Registered: 10/08/04
Posts: 1274
Loc: MD
Good reminder,
Dotsie thanks,

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