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#62086 - 04/30/05 10:38 PM Internet Relationships...do they work?
Barbara Jones Offline
Member

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 4
Loc: Cullman, Alabama
Hi everyone,

I'm new to this forum and I would like to share an interesting topic with you. Internet Relationships. Many people from around the country are meeting online everyday.

People are changing their jobs and living locations just to be with the person they now call their soulmate. Some of these arrangements are successful with results of marriage. Some not to pleasing to the ear or eye.

People are using the internet for dating over the traditional forms of dating like the bars, clubs, parties and other social gatherings.

One lady told me....
"Why marry your high school SweetHeart when you can marry a complete stranger."

My question is...is it safe?

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#62087 - 04/30/05 11:02 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Vicki M. Taylor Offline
Member

Registered: 01/06/03
Posts: 2196
Loc: Tampa, FL
Barbara, I wrote a book about a fictional internet relationship. The book is called FOREVER UNTIL WE MEET.

For anyone who ever thought they found their soul mate online.

A woman faces a lonely life in a small town after her daughter leaves home and decides to spice up her life by letting loose on a computer bulletin board. An innocent to computers and messaging, she falls prey to a career "knight" of the computer realm.

Feel her love, pain, and disappointment as she meets this man and discovers what so many others have already known, that for this man love is only skin deep.

Follow her tormented path from small mountain town to sandy beaches as she finds out that to love someone you must find that love inside of yourself and then it's only a short sprint to forever.

Sigh, laugh, and cry with her as she makes peace with her past and puts it behind her, forever.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/159113045X/qid=1114884152/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/102-1593308-9343317?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

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#62088 - 05/01/05 01:16 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Barbara its not only NOT safe its actually stupid. Hey if you want to diddle around on the Internet thats fine but to actually meet one of these men. To me its not much different than phone sex. Whats not a bold face lie is usually fantasy. My friend and groomer of my dogs was married for 25 years to a man who became addicted to the Internet, he told her a year or so ago he was in love with a woman in Kansas City. He packed up his car and off he went to meet this person. They apparently did move in together for three months then he showed up on my friends doorstep saying the woman was not what she pretended to be and was only looking for a work horse for her farm...strike 1. Because he had desereted her ands she was a long time resident here she had gotten a divorce while he was gone, oops strike 2...then there was a bill forwarded to my friends home stating he owed several thousand dollars for things this other woman put on his credit cards....He stood on my friend porch begging for forgiveness, suitcase in one hand, "laptop" in the other, strike 3 and YOUR OUT!!! Beware ladies because if it sounds to good to be true, it is! [Eek!]

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#62089 - 05/01/05 02:39 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
lionspaaw Offline
Member

Registered: 11/28/02
Posts: 887
Loc: SW Florida
As you ladies know - there's always two sides to a story [Smile] so I will share one for the "other side"

My sister-in-law was married (unhappily) and met a man online. After many months of emailing and chatting (and verifying his facts such as home address, phone, work) she decided to fly to California (from Florida) to meet this man. She came home long enough to file for divorce - pack her things and go back to California.

That was 15 years ago and they are still married and VERY happy to have found their soul mates [Smile]

Would I personally trust it ??? I think I would have to lean towards Chatty's thoughts on the matter -- [Smile]

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#62090 - 05/01/05 03:00 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Lionspaaw good for her she was the one in a thousand that lucks out. If your that one then its fine but if you're the other 999 then its a disaster or could be. I wish it was the answer to meeting your soulmate BUT....we apparently do think alike about the odds. [Wink]

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#62091 - 05/01/05 06:17 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
lionspaaw Offline
Member

Registered: 11/28/02
Posts: 887
Loc: SW Florida
I was actually giving her odds more one in several thousand ;-)

and for her -- I'm very glad she didnt run into Ted Bundy !!!

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#62092 - 05/01/05 07:02 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Prill Offline
Member

Registered: 08/24/04
Posts: 201
Loc: Connecticut
I'd tread carefully when walking down this road. I don't think one needs to be closed entirely to the possibility of finding love on the Internet, but I'd be awfully wary.

Speaking of the Interet, I've re-connected with a number of childhood girlfriends via Classmates.com. It's been heartwarming and wonderful. But these are women I've known since I was eight years old and for one reason or another lost touch with. A whole group of us got together last fall to celebrate our 50th birthdays. Some of us hadn't seen each other for 32 years!

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#62093 - 05/01/05 11:44 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Whirlwind Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/05
Posts: 261
Loc: Atlanta, GA
I'll admit I've met a few men from online. BUT - Until I've known them for a LONG time, I always meet them at a public place and drive my own car. NEVER get in a car with a stranger. NEVER let somebody from the internet know where you live. Be CAREFUL.

My "online" experiences have been 99% good, and I've got some great friends because of the internet (both male and female). But then, I'm not "looking for love", I'm looking for friends.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think meeting a person online is that different from meeting a person in the produce section of the grocery store. People can lie in person, just as they can lie online. We just need to be smart enough to spot the "losers" wherever they may be.

I do NOT believe that you can "fall in love" with a person that you've only met online. Lust is definately possible, being "in love with the idea of being in love" maybe, but true love? Love has to grow over time.

I've got a friend who has fallen "victim" to internet romances, she's been heartbroken numerous times. Once over a guy who proposed marriage (when they'd never laid eyes on each other in person). Once over a guy who was going to move in with her (again, never met in person). Sometimes I just want to shake her silly, but she's lonely. And loneliness can be a wicked feeling. That I DO understand.

Whirlwind

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#62094 - 05/01/05 08:02 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
ariadne54 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 233
Loc: WV
Hello, again, all,
I think I've probably had more experience than most of you in the Internet dating thing. In fact, that is how I met the fella I recently posted about in "He's just not that into you," on this forum. Chatty...I apologize for my resentment about your and Smile's statements...They are true! You women have a lot of wisdom here, and I have benefitted from your feedback...truly.
The Internet is a vast jungle....Meeting a man that way is akin, in my experienced opinion, to throwing a hook into the ocean and coming up with who knows what kind of monster...and I've pulled up several!
I am a middle school teacher, living in a small town, don't go to bars, do attend church...(it's a fallacy that you can meet men there, in my opinion...most who attend are married), and even the Christian singles sites are full of weirdos!!!!
Chatty, I just received the Solo Bliss book about which you posted. I am now striving for that..
I could recount story after story, but the concensus here seems to be....BEWARE!!!, and I agree.
ARI

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#62095 - 05/01/05 10:07 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Vicki M. Taylor Offline
Member

Registered: 01/06/03
Posts: 2196
Loc: Tampa, FL
Whirlwind, you hit the nail on the proverbial head. It's loneliness. Our society isn't as "social" as it once was. People are working more, spending more time on their computer instead of getting out and about. We're feeding our need for socialization by using the computer instead of getting out and about. With that socialization we're using the computer as a way to meet people of the opposite sex and develop intimate, even sexual relationships with them.

Plus, we've fallen into that trap where it's easier to "say" something in writing, than it is to say it in person. People will open up and tell some of the most personal, intimate details of their life to perfect strangers on the Internet. If they were speaking in person, they'd probably be much more withdrawn and withhold those kinds of details.

There is a sense of safety there as you sit behind your computer screen that can't be carried forward when people meet in person. I don't care how long you've spoken on the telephone, or how much you've written to each other, if you meet in person, you're still meeting a stranger.

Most every child knows, A Stranger is Danger.

I understand that there are success stories when it comes to meeting people on the Internet. It happens. And when it does, people gush about how serendipitous it was that they found each other. But for every one success there are thousands of heartbreaking failures.

Why do they fail? For one, because people are not as truthful as they could be when hiding behind the safety of their computer screen. For another, because developing a relationship with someone takes time and work and a compliment of all the senses. See, Hear, Touch, Taste, Smell and Perception. It's difficult to experience all those senses when you're sitting at a computer screen typing on a keyboard. For most computer relationships, time and work is left out as well, because the "relationship" moves so quickly into intimacy without following a natural progression of getting to know someone and developing a trust.

Now, with all that said, there are other kinds of relationships (non sexual) that people develop online that can be healthy, like the ones we've developed here at BWS. This is a great example of where people desire to socialize with likeminded folk and a means to a need was developed.

However, even meeting people you've met here should still follow general safety guidelines. Meet in public, tell someone where you're going and when you should be back, etc.

I shall step off my soapbox now and stop talking. I think I've made my point. [Wink]

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#62096 - 05/02/05 07:31 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Great points too Vicki.....Ariande54 you have no need to apologize to me, I can dish it out and I can take it as well. Glad you're back feeling better and posting again.....Now ladies, we all do what we feel is right at the time and we all make mistakes, but we must grow and mature from these mistakes and not wallow in them. I find it a sad situation when we as a nation have to turn to computers or phone sex or dating services to meet someone to love, someone to love us. They say things get better as time goes by but this to me is the biggest of backward steps. What happens next? Throw a thousand names into a large hat, pick one and live with it? God help us all!!!! [Roll Eyes] [Eek!]

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#62097 - 05/02/05 07:43 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
ariadne54 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 233
Loc: WV
LOL, Chatty..."throw a thousand names in a hat and pick one and live with it,"....that really is pretty much what you get with the Internet singles sites. I want to share one experience I recently had thru Yahoo Personals. I corresponded with this man sporadically for several months, touching base in a friendly manner. We finally, about a month ago, met for dinner. "Vince" didn't appeal to me at all, but he stated he wanted to continue seeing me. I went online to do a search to see exactly how many singles sites he had his profile posted on. On one of the singles sites, I think it was Mingle, there was a link to "adult" singles sites. I had never looked on something like that before, but there was Vince, showing his face stupidly with the same picture he had posted on Yahoo Personals. This adult sites, called Adultfriendfinder.com is a pornographic site in which men (and women!!!) display their genetalia! I had no idea such a thing even existed on the Internet, but the data said in my state alone there are over 80,000 members.
Vince continued calling, leaving messages on my answering machine, since I didn't answer, and emailing. Finally, I wrote him a brief note telling him I had discovered his posting on the porn site, and not to contact me again. It is really hard to tell how many men who post on the "legitimate" singles sites also have their profiles on pornographic sites, but I am thinking there are many, many.
ARI

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#62098 - 05/02/05 07:58 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Oh Lordy and thats a perfect example of what I mean. I am one of 40 women that work for the service that employes me, there are probably over a hundred phone sex services out there with the owners all getting rich from men who call, women don't call. That is a drop in the bucket of whats out there on line. I recently called about an ad where you go into the office once so they can see you and you show them you can typed fast. If you want to work from the office thats fine or you can work from home. You pick a models picture and you become her, typing messages to these men. A trial day of their service is $4.95 but if he wants to join its much more a month and you make a $20.00 fee when he joins..Don't know much more as it didn't interest me at all. Now these men think they are typing messages to the woman they are seeing online....I truly believe that the good Lord is going to put an end to all this Sodom and Gamorra crap and sooner rather than later.. [Eek!] Never checked Ari but I imagine there are thousands, all garbage...Good think you checked this guy out...I'm staying single and alone, its safer. Take care ladies.

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#62099 - 05/02/05 08:10 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
ariadne54 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 233
Loc: WV
Yes!!!! "single and safer" is a good mantra!
ARI

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#62100 - 05/02/05 06:10 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Here's some more food for thought...

Think of our children and grandchildren who have grown up on computers. As boomers we are cautious because we are older and wiser. These kids delve in with impulsivity and without thought.

Do any of you have AOL? Have you seen what happens when you click on someone's away message? This whole list of screen names appears for you to consider chatting with...and their screen names ain't all that purty. Some are disgusting. This is at the fingertips of children the second they know how to read. God help us.

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#62101 - 05/03/05 07:33 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
It depends what type relationship U R talking about? I've recently met some extremely nice people at www.survivors-n-thrivers.com and consider them new friends. They're helping me heal from past hurts and, I hope, I'm helping them by listening and passing along some understanding. Yes, I think U can cultivate beautiful and meaningful friendships via the net. And I don't see why lifelong soul mates couldn't be brought together via this median, as well. Happy, www chatting. [Wink]

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#62102 - 05/02/05 10:20 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
As often happens, I am the total antithesis of all good advice.
I had been divorced for several years and was really having a lot of fun. I had just ended an engagement and was dating two other men who wanted to marry me so I wasn't really lonely, but I needed to make some decisions when I happened onto a local chatline to ask for advice from a man who was seeking advice about ending a relationshnip of his own.
There was a place to post a photo and we both did so. I thought he was a doll and he said he thought the same.
We chatted once and exchanged advice. He never left my mind, but we went our way for a few weeks. We both ended relationships and returned to find each other again.
The second time we chatted online, we discovered that he lived only a few miles from me and we both had tickets to the same outdoor concert. We decided to meet at a restaurant outside the amphitheater for dinner and sit by each other at the concert. He still did not have my full name, my home phone number, or any other contact information about me. And I did not ask for it about him.
When I drove into the parking lot of the restaurant, he was waiting by a light pole. I knew him immediately and I smiled. I parked the car and walked toward him. He smiled and held out his hand, but on instinct, I walked into his arms.
It rained at the concert and I had an umbrella that we snuggled under. We exchanged a wonderful, but brief kiss and talked until they threw us out of the park.
It turned out that he had grown up a few miles from where I was raised and we had a lot in common including a strong faith.
After a week of being together every possible moment, but only in public places, I went away for a vacation and he called me on my cell phone every day. When I returned, I gave him my home number and we dated every evening. He took me to meet his family and he met mine. The next week, he took me to a wonderful restaurant where a musician played our favorite songs.
Over a candlelight dinner, he took my hands and told me he loved me. I told him I loved him too. We were both surprised at what we were saying, but we just knew and we had from the first.
When the restaurant closed, we stood on the curb and he asked me to marry him. Withoug a single thought, I accepted. We were married a few days later without ever having been sexually intimate.
We have been married now for almost two years and they have been the happiest years of my life. I know marriages end and things go wrong, and I am half afraid to trust, but either way we are making beautiful memories and it seems as if we have always been, and will always be - together.

So eventhough I was half afraid to communicate with anyone online, I believe internet relationships, like any other, can work or not depending on what you put into them.
My kids were terrified when they heard what I was doing and insisted on knowing where I was every moment. I told them it was definitely better than meeting someone in a bar where they were already across the table from you and you have to make decisions under the influence of alcohol. And the men I had met at church were such weirdos. Most of the men I had dated previously, I met through work, but I didn't really know them either.
I told the kids, it's not like they're going to put "Axe murderer" on the appointment book or in their personnnel files or something. But the girls called on my cell phone several times when I was out to see if I was okay and threatened to call the police if they couldn't reach me or I wasn't home when I said I would be.
Of course when they met Dan, they felt as comfortable with him as I had so they slowed down on the surveilance somewhat.
I think caution is very important in any new relationship and I believe men respect that. If I were a man I would think a woman too desperate if she threw caution to the wind too quickly.
I was lucky and blessed and I don't advise anyone else to do what I did. But I would hope that everyone else can find someone as special as Dan in any way they can.
smile

[ May 02, 2005, 03:43 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

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#62103 - 05/03/05 12:47 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
ariadne54 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 233
Loc: WV
That is a wonderful story, Smile. If I had followed your example with this last dating relationship, maybe I too would be happy. I don't feel inclined to date at all now, but if the occasion should arise in the future, I plan to use you as a model!
ARI

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#62104 - 05/03/05 01:50 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Prill Offline
Member

Registered: 08/24/04
Posts: 201
Loc: Connecticut
Smile, let me second Ari. What a wonderful story! Just goes to show that there are no pat answers to difficult questions like these. And even though your relationship progressed at warp speed, it sounds like you exercised many of the conventional precautions. I applaud you for being brave enough to follow your heart. [Wink]

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#62105 - 05/03/05 05:47 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
smile, I never knew you two met on the internet. [Wink] How about that.

Your post makes me smile.

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#62106 - 05/04/05 07:43 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Goosebumps for everybody! What a story!

I don't even know Dan and now I want to marry him.

JJ

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#62107 - 05/03/05 08:04 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Hey JJ, I didn't know him either and I 'did' marry him. Just goes to prove, sometimes insanity pays off. [Smile]
smile

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#62108 - 05/03/05 11:21 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
well...its a beautiful love story and I couldn't be happier for you both. Thanks for sharing it with us all.

JJ

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#62109 - 05/03/05 11:32 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Maggie Offline
Member

Registered: 02/19/03
Posts: 765
Loc: Oregon
Smile,
What a lovely story.
Maggie

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#62110 - 05/04/05 12:24 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Vicki M. Taylor Offline
Member

Registered: 01/06/03
Posts: 2196
Loc: Tampa, FL
Smile, what an awesome story and a good example of a successful Internet relationship. I hope the two of you spend a lifetime getting to know each other. I'm happy for you.

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#62111 - 05/04/05 10:15 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
newwriter Offline
Member

Registered: 04/05/05
Posts: 28
Loc: Las Vegas, NV (for now)
Well, what an interesting topic...

You see, I met my husband through an online dating service. That said, we were both local people. I don't believe I would ever have gotten involved with someone who was clear across the country. As an earlier poster said, I met him in public at a restaurant for dinner. We both drove to the restaurant--that way if we absolutely hated one another, or if he turned out to be some sort of idiot I would have an escape. I would NOT recommend that any woman be picked up at her home by a guy she met online. One's home address should not be given out at all until one knows the other person well, IMHO.

All that said, I believe that dating services are a far cry from just going online in a chat room and meeting someone, although anyone can lie at any time. However, if one has to pay for the service it cuts some of the scum out.

I did have guys approach me through chat rooms, although I never went into many of them (I'm not a fan of chat rooms.) I even had a guy from Russia try to hook up with me---and he was married!

I do believe that if one uses one's head, meeting someone online (i.e. Matchmaker.com or something of that sort) can work. It did for me! One just has to weed out the idiots...and don't meet anyone anywhere except in a public place!

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#62112 - 05/04/05 05:54 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Newwriter, Please tell us more. Surely there's a great love story here somewhere.
Though my husband and I met in person almost immediately after we met online, we also exchanged some beautiful emails.
Even now, we sometimes email each other love notes just for fun. I print them all out and save them.
I think what we write shows an aspect of us that is not evident in what we say or do. It must show our humanity because only humans do it.
Tell us more.
smile

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#62113 - 05/04/05 11:46 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Barbara Jones Offline
Member

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 4
Loc: Cullman, Alabama
Hi everyone,

Sorry for the delay in responding. I've been on the road promoting my book titled: INSTANT MESSAGE (IM)

Some people think it's a waste of time trying to hookup with someone from the internet. Some people think meeting someone online is not much different than meeting him or her at a bar, club or any other social gathering.

People do lie and hide behind the monitor and people lie and hide infront of our face too!

People are people where ever we meet them. We just hope for the best when searching for that special someone....or for a better term....soulmate!

I was at a Barnes and Noble bookstore location the other day and many people have found the love of their life online.

So maybe it depends on the person. People will find love where ever they may find it!

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#62114 - 05/05/05 12:52 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
ariadne54 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 233
Loc: WV
I said I am thru dating for a while...but I had met and corresponded with a man not to far from my location for over a month and he had called me several times as well. He was recovering from a recent divorce and then another breakup after that, and we agreed to meet...as friends...for dinner. He is a former Green Beret, Airborne, Vietnam vet, age 52. I met him in the local parking lot of our shopping center in my small town. I felt comfortable enough to take him on a tour of my little town, showing the school where I work, and even where my house is located. Thru dinner, I realized I was dealing with someone with serious emotional problems. He actually broke into tears a couple of times, talking about his past, and kept referring to his lost love. Though his conversation revealed that he is very intelligent, his demeanor and body language was disturbing...not looking me in the eye when he talked, and apologizing profusely for almost everything he said. I drove us back to his car in the parking lot and said a polite good night. I had asked him to email me when he arrived home safely, since he had an hour drive to his home. I also sent a polite email to him saying the dinner was pleasant, and I had enjoyed meeting him. The next day, Sunday, I received a nasty email from him, obviously resentful that the evening didn't result in sex! Since then, on Monday night, I received a message on my answering machine that he was in my town (I didn't answer the phone), and had driven by my house. I live on a dead end street, and it is not easy to just drive by! Also, another message on my machine when he finally arrived home. Then the next day, two emails, posted at 3:30 and 5:30 a.m. saying he was going to sell his house and move here! All this from one "friendly" dinner date. It freaked me out! I sent him a polite email yesterday saying I had decided I wasn't ready to date anyone at this time, preferring to spend the time on my own recovery, and attending to my responsibilities. If the roles were reversed, and I was the one driving by his house after just one friendly date, I know I would be viewed as a potential stalker. I haven't heard from this man since my polite email declining future contact. I think I hooked up with a weirdo.
I'm thru...Chatty!!! Better safe and single.
ARI

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#62115 - 05/05/05 01:18 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Barbara, Please tell us more about your book. I'm sure inquiring minds want to know. Is it a novel? Fiction or non-fiction? It sounds intersting.
smile

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#62116 - 05/05/05 02:44 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
ari, just reading your email scares me. Why did you show him where you live?

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#62117 - 05/05/05 02:50 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
ariadne54 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 233
Loc: WV
I know, I know!!!, Dotsie. I felt he was safe!
ARI

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#62118 - 05/05/05 03:32 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
I was wondering the same thing Barb, and as Smile said it does sounds interesting.... [Big Grin]

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#62119 - 05/05/05 07:31 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
newwriter Offline
Member

Registered: 04/05/05
Posts: 28
Loc: Las Vegas, NV (for now)
smilinize,

There is a great love story attached...to be sure!

Larry happened to be watching the TV show 'Prime Time Live' on a Thursday evening. Now keep in mind that he could never get the station it was on in clearly, but that night it came in very clearly... Anyway, the story was about Matchmaker.com. Friday evening he couldn't sleep so he got on his computer and filled out the profile and joined Matchmaker. He then got his 'matches.' Our compatability was 80% or so...they tell you if you match 40-50% it's great! Anyway, he e-mailed me to check out his profile and provided his phone number if I was interested. So I called him. This was on Saturday morning. We got together that evening (I almost cancelled because I was tired, but at the last minute I decided to go) for dinner at Applebee's. Then we went dancing and then talked until about 4 AM. Sunday we went out to dinner with two of his friends; he gave me a tiny green package tied in gold with a beautiful saying attached. Monday I got a gorgeous bouquet of flowers. Then he said he got cold feet and I didn't hear from him Tuesday. Then Wednesday we got together again...and never parted. I moved in with him that weekend, and we got married seven months later on a dinner cruise in Tampa Bay.

Although we have had our moments, we rarely argue and truly respect one another. We can talk about anything, we like almost all of the same things, we both love to read and dance and have fun.

Now you know our story. In fact, I wrote a story about it called 'Thank You, Matchmaker.com.'

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#62120 - 05/05/05 06:25 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
I can't get over these internet romances. It's nice to hear about some of the good ones. All I ever hear about are the rotten ones on the news. I'm amazed.

Newwriter, wehre can we read your article?

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#62121 - 05/05/05 08:08 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Prill Offline
Member

Registered: 08/24/04
Posts: 201
Loc: Connecticut
I agree, Dotsie. What a mixed bag of stories here. Ari, yours is a cautionary tale for all of us. (I tend towards being too trusting myself.) But I love hearing about the on-line relationships that have worked.

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#62122 - 05/05/05 08:27 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Prill,
I think there are many more positive online meetings than we know about. When asked by people we don't know well how we met, Dan and I just say we met at a concert in the park. People think meeting online is freaky and they look at you weird. But the friends who know the whole story tell us about others who met online and are happy together. Many of our single friends are online now looking for what we found.
I think lots of people meet online nowadays and possibly don't speak of it because everything on the news is bad.
The key is probably to first of all, always be safe, always be a lady, and meet in person at the earliest possible moment.

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#62123 - 05/06/05 12:04 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Prill Offline
Member

Registered: 08/24/04
Posts: 201
Loc: Connecticut
Smile-- Sounds like a plan, especially the meet-in-person part, so long as you do it on neutral territory. It's easy to get swept away by someone when your relationship only exists in two-dimensional cyberspace and words are your sole connection. But within a few minutes of meeting someone face to face, I think you often know whether there's any real chemistry there.

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#62124 - 05/06/05 01:16 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
DallasGal Offline
Member

Registered: 04/14/05
Posts: 218
Loc: Dallas, Texas
I believe for the most part that dating on the internet is wrong - and is often a false sense of familiarity that can lead to all sorts of problems when you meet face to face.

BUT having said that.

I met my husband on the internet.

Sometimes it is a God thing, but my story is not a common one and have only met one lady (Dana Zini) with one similiar.

Here is my story:
Following my divorce, I hit a very low point in my life where I in many ways I turned my back on God and my faith and every thing that was good in my life. I had failed miserably - or so I thought at the time. I didn't think I could do anything right again, in love - even as a single mom to my little girl. I logged onto AOL around 10 at night and did a search on members' profile currently logged on for the phrase "I can do all things through Christ" (which is part of Philippians 4:13). One guy was logged on in the whole internet world of AOL, MikeActs18.

I instant messaged him and just laid it all on the line - every horrible thing that I had done and everything my ex had done to me and I asked a question "Can God forgive me?"

I knew God could - but I needed some sort of affirmation from an outside source. Mike delivered the affirmation through verse and verse of positive scriptures. Over the next two months, Mike held me accountable to studying my bible, memorizing scriptures and attending a "sister" church to his that was on opposite sides of the same little town of El Paso.

I was heading out of town to visit family for the holidays and during this time, he was going to move before I would return. I didn't know where he was moving too - frankly, I was just focused on pulling my head out of the sand and getting back to God and bringing up my little girl alone.

We decided that under the circumstances we would meet for lunch. We met, and I was shocked. The moment I saw him I started to cry - tried to compose myself- and then laughed deliciously at God's sense of humor. It turned out that my online mentor and friend, who I credit with restoring my faith in God and Men, was the same "Jesus Freak" who had lived in the apartment complex I lived in almost five years earlier - me as a newlywed, him as a fresh divorcee and single dad to the little girl I watch from my porch daily...same guy with the Schnauzer who almost daily became kibble for my German Shepherd.

We were both overjoyed to realize this connection, but still we moved on - him moving literally and us simply keeping in touch over the web and through e-mail in "accountability" e-mails and "hi, how are you" stuff.

I decided that I needed to move and start a new life with my little girl. I wanted to stay in TX so I put a map of TX up on the wall and threw a dart - I hit Corpus Christi.

I put up my resume for jobs in Corpus Christi, Houston and San Antonio and got call backs from Corpus Christi only.

In passing in a e-mail, I let Mike know that I was moving and it looked like I would be moving to Corpus Christi.

"Oh really, wow, that's awesome...because I live in Corpus Christi."

God, really does have a sense of humor. I had no interest in guys and dating, trying to keep my wits about me, move on past the divorce and he keeps crossing my path with Mike? =)

I got the job, packed up a full-size Ryder, loaded my then two year old into the cab, my two Siberian Huskies into the car on the car carrier behind the trailer and drove from El Paso to Corpus Christi myself.

Anyways, to make a long(er) story short(er), I decided to take a chance on Mike. I went out on a date with him and walked down around the bayfront in Corpus Christi and ended up walking around the Rose Garden at Heritage House. There was just something very "different" about him, the way he loved God and the way we kept crossing paths.

I am glad I did. Almost two years after our "initial" online meeting we were married in the Rose Garden at Heritage House near the Bayfront.

Now we travel the same path together and I couldn't be more happier and daily enjoy loving Mike whose favorite verse is "Acts 1:8", hence the reasons for his old screen name MikeActs18.

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#62125 - 05/06/05 03:03 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
newwriter Offline
Member

Registered: 04/05/05
Posts: 28
Loc: Las Vegas, NV (for now)
Dotsie:

Go to www.writing.com. At the top of the page there are three blocks. The first is blank. The next says 'Genre', the next says 'Any type.' In the blank, type in 696711 and hit search. That should bring up the item. Click on the name of it and it should bring up the story.

Let me know if that doesn't work...

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#62126 - 05/06/05 03:06 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
quote:
Originally posted by DallasGal:
I believe for the most part that dating on the internet is wrong....

Dallasgal, yours is another beautiful love story. I wondered why you feel that meeting online is "wrong." Is there some Scripture that says it?
Just curious.
smile

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#62127 - 05/06/05 05:40 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Dallas, your story has miracle written all over it. From your signature, I take it you had two children with Mike? How old are your children?

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#62128 - 05/06/05 06:17 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
DallasGal Offline
Member

Registered: 04/14/05
Posts: 218
Loc: Dallas, Texas
Dotise,

Actually, we have three children total.

I consider my 18 yr. old stepdaughter to be my daughter also. We both claim each other as our own. =)

Kayleigh, 6, is my daughter from a previous marriage, and Mike, my husband, is the only Dad she has ever really known.

Andrew, 23 months, is the first, and last, only child Mike and I have together.

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#62129 - 05/06/05 06:53 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
DallasGal Offline
Member

Registered: 04/14/05
Posts: 218
Loc: Dallas, Texas
quote:
Originally posted by smilinize:
quote:
Originally posted by DallasGal:
I believe for the most part that dating on the internet is wrong....

Dallasgal, yours is another beautiful love story. I wondered why you feel that meeting online is "wrong." Is there some Scripture that says it?
Just curious.
smile

Not wrong as in a "sin" - just the wrong way for most to go about meeting the love of their lives.

Conversing online provides a false sense of familiarity in which women often feel that they "love" some one just from words in chat and e-mails. Because of these premature feelings women, especially, tend to jump the gun, overlooking personality conflicts, character flaws and stick to the belief that the "real" person is the one they fell in love with online. This holding to the ideal person above the real person is a potential marriage buster. The false sense of familiarity also tends to lead couples into being more intimate, or sexual, than what is actually beneficial to the long-term relationship. The feelings of love also tend to get women and men caught up into cybersex, which is devoid of the powerful emotions and care for another person found in the intimate sexual relationships between a husband and wife. Ultimately, most women I have talked to have felt "cheapened" after the alure of cybersex had faded. "Logging offline" is no substitute for the feelings a wife has while falling asleep in her husband's arms after a good round of sex.

Hope that helps clarify why I feel online dating is wrong - ultimately the wrong way of going about dating and meeting people.

Granted, there are some online dating arenas that are better than others - Eharmony.com is the best one IMO. I have done research on many of these services for an article for Second-Time Single Moms, and was impressed with the system for Eharmony - however, I received this quote back from "Shawn", one of the guys who was part of my survey group. I think it shows online dating and some of the struggles from a "guy point of view" as it relays the conflict of how differently women and men view the level of a relationship established online:

(In Shawn's words)
"I joined eharmony in October I think. I have gotten over 400 matches. It seems like everyday I get a few matches. The only thing is I have only talked to just a few of them and met only two in person. Both of the matches I met where very nice people. I did notice that Eharmony can be a dangerous tool also. Although the intentions of Eharmony is good there are a few dangers. One thing I have noticed is that many of the people you meet in person are very serious about a committed relationship right away. What i mean by that is because you both know so much about each other before you meet there are definetly some dangers that can take place. One of those dangers is intimacy and the other danger is that many of the people you meet are already attached to you. I think some people build up a fantasy of what the person is based on the emails and correspondence that occurs. You being married you understand how important it is to get to know people at there best and see them also at there worst. This can only take place if two people spend time together. This can be hard because your match might be far away. So it is hard sometimes to get that quality time together. I am not sure how this will work in a marriage setting. I definetly think that both persons must spend allot of time together. I have a friend who married a girl from Eharmony. Like most relationship there had to be allot of marriage counseling after they where married. It is easier I have also found out to lie to the other person or stretch the truth a little. This can also harm a marriage. I believe that the most important years of marriage are the first few. Most people who have marital problems can trace them back to things that where done in the first few years of marriage. This can come from unforgiveness, bitterness etc..... I say this to say that I am not sure how stable this apporach is to the long term committment of marriage. Oh yea match makeing online can be very expensive also. Not neccessarly from Eharmony but the fact that many times you have to travel a great distance to see your match so that can make for an expensive date. I do like the approach of learning about a person. I know that eharmony says they have had over 6000 marriages but I would like to know how many of those people are still married today. Anyways as for me it has been nice to make friends. I think that ultimately the most important thing is that I give my desires and relationship to God. Sometimes people may feel like they are trying to play God on Eharmony by talking to so many matches. As for me I take the approach that I am makeing friends and trusting God for His greatest will in my life."
-Shawn B., Arkansas

______________________________

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#62130 - 05/06/05 08:38 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
Smile,
What a neat story! I loved it. Blessings and luck 4 the future. [Razz]

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#62131 - 05/07/05 12:23 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Thank you all for your nice words.

Now I have to tell you the rest of the story. It's kind of long so I'm serializing it.
It all began with a Christmas play in 2002. I don't ever do theater at Christmas, but I had been seeking God's purpose for my life and when I was asked to direct one of my musicals as the church Christmas program, I prayed for a fabulous production, committed myself to God, and began rehearsal.
As Christmas approached, cast quit, sets broke, rehearsals were canceled. Everything went wrong. The Production became more and more difficult. I was in tears half the time and I really wanted to quit. But I had made that commitment to God so I just kept praying and making new plans half hoping God would make it impossible to continue.
As I became immersed in the play it occurred to me that the birth of Jesus was really a miracle of love and for no real reason, my prayer changed. I began to pray for a miracle love.
The two principals who were from the church music program had an out of town death in the family two weeks before opening. I had no one to fill their roles so I thought it was a sign to abandon the production and stay home.
But from nowhere two more singers showed up. They were not from the church and their past was a little checkered, but they were very talented and very committed so I gave them a chance. Through a couple of terrible snowstorms and a lot of chaos, we rehearsed. At last it was a perfect night and we were ready for opening.
I was on my way to opening night when my daughter called to say that the two new singers had called her saying they weren't going to be at the opening. She said the guy sounded stoned.
My son in law with whom I had a rather cool relationship at that time got on the phone. He said, "That blankety blank can't do this to you. I'm going over there and beat the SOB up." I hoped he wouldn't really do that, but somehow it was nice just to know he cared.
Though I couldn't understand why God was not rewarding me for all my hard work with a great production, I was resigned. The only thing I could do was break the news to the cast and put up signs for the audience.
A couple of blocks from the church, the cell phone rang again and it was my son in law. He said, "Don't cancel the show! Becky and will play Mary and Joseph."
I said, "But you don't know the lines."
He said, "We know the songs and we're learning the lines now."
I told him I would have to leave it up the cast.
He said, "We're on the way! We'll know the lines when we get there!"
I broke the news to the cast and they were distraught. But when I told them about my kids wanting to play Mary and Joseph, they insisted we go ahead with the production. A daughter of the singer playng Mary was to play the shepherd so we were still short one character when one of the actors out of town company showed up early. The man insisted he would play the shepherd so we quickly improvised a costume. My daughter and her husband arrived with my grandson who was playing a lamb. They knew the songs and the lines well enough to improvise. And though everyone's nerves were absolutely shot, the audience applauded like crazy and no one knew what chaos was going on backstage. It was the most wonderful Christmas production I have ever seen.

Afterward, the pastor called me on stage to take a bow with the cast. As I stood there in the spotlight with my family, I knew I was surrounded by a true miracle of love.

But that's only the beginning of the miracle. More later.
smile
P.S. This does lead back to the subject of Internet Relationships, I promise.

[ May 06, 2005, 05:43 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

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#62132 - 05/07/05 12:53 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
ariadne54 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/05
Posts: 233
Loc: WV
Dallasgal,
I agree with most of what you've said. I think even Eharmony is a hoax, however. The other thing...It's a big stretch from meeting people onlne in the personal sites to the issue of cyber sex. I wouldn't even think of such a thing, nor would I know what it was about if it were initiated. I suppose two people who are located far, far apart could indulge in something like that...Is that what you were referring to? It seems sad and foolhardy, doesn't it.
ARI

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#62133 - 05/07/05 02:57 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Maggie Offline
Member

Registered: 02/19/03
Posts: 765
Loc: Oregon
There's an article in Guideposts magazine about Eharmony. I thought it was a hoax too because my kid kept subscribing but after reading the article it doesn't seem like a hoax.
Maggie

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#62134 - 05/07/05 06:56 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Barbara Jones Offline
Member

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 4
Loc: Cullman, Alabama
Hi inquiring minds....

My book titled: INSTANT MESSAGE (IM) is about people who meet people online.

Based on true events, “ INSTANT MESSAGE” (IM) A love story made on-line, filled with Sex, Lies and Hatred. It's an eye opener that captures real life experiences among millions of faceless names who chat on the internet.

People with different backgrounds and various personalities exchange their false and true-selves with others. “INSTANT MESSAGE” (IM) will text YOU into the lives of those who chit-chat their way through cyberspace looking to text into the hearts of souls who search for love.

I always ask people who come to my book signings
is it easy to fall out of love as it is to fall into love with an internet lover?

Then I ask them....

So why marry your high school sweetheart when you can marry a complete stranger?

How safe is it?

My book is listed in AuthorHouse website Book store, amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million.

I interviewed hundreds of people from the chat rooms to do this book.

You just might know a few people who shared their story with me. Alot of them used their real names and screen handle.

One of you maybe in this book too!

I have to run. I hope to see some of you at my book signing when I come to your state.

Let me know what state you're from so I can let you know if and when I will visit.

Take care!

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#62135 - 05/08/05 07:08 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Barbara Jones Offline
Member

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 4
Loc: Cullman, Alabama
Hi Dotsie,

Good to hear from you! I've been running around like crazy. I'm glad I receive a notification to my email letting me know you sent me a message. I would have never known.

Email me at: instant_message_2005@yahoo.com just in case you want to contact me.

I will stop-by as often as I can. Maybe we can setup a night when we all can get together online and chat!

Please keep in touch !

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#62136 - 05/08/05 01:42 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
kiwijenn Offline
Member

Registered: 04/18/05
Posts: 26
Loc: Dundedin, New Zealand
Hi All! Ready for a good story? I have one..I met the man of my DREAMS on-line 4 years ago. I started with getting my intentions very clear...I knew what I wanted and what was negotiable. This was a powerful process. I refinded my ad very carefully and also researched where I would "place it". Short story, is I had very few "takers" as I was very specific, however I met a few nice men and one whom I fell in love with. We married 2.5 years ago and I have NEVER been so happy!! The biggest step is to become very clear with my intentions..and be realistic about what I really wanted....I have helped other women with this process also...

just wanted you to know there is another story....in Adventure and Abundance,
Jenn

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#62137 - 05/09/05 01:44 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Eagle Heart Offline
Member

Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
But that's only the beginning of the miracle. More later...This does lead back to the subject of Internet Relationships, I promise.

Smile, it's been two days already...I'm hungry for the "more later" part...

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#62138 - 05/09/05 02:38 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Jenn, this happened since moving to NZ? Tell us more.

Eagle, I'm also waiting for smile to tell us the rest. Maybe we should start guessing how all of this ties together if she doesn't get back here soon! [Big Grin]

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#62139 - 05/09/05 08:51 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
I'm too tired to tell the 'rest of the story' tonight. I say everyone guess how the miracle continues to online dating.
Hmmmm. That might be fun.
smile

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#62140 - 05/10/05 03:39 AM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
DallasGal Offline
Member

Registered: 04/14/05
Posts: 218
Loc: Dallas, Texas
quote:
Originally posted by ariadne54:
Dallasgal,
I agree with most of what you've said. I think even Eharmony is a hoax, however. The other thing...It's a big stretch from meeting people onlne in the personal sites to the issue of cyber sex. I wouldn't even think of such a thing, nor would I know what it was about if it were initiated. I suppose two people who are located far, far apart could indulge in something like that...Is that what you were referring to? It seems sad and foolhardy, doesn't it.
ARI

Ari,

It is sad and foolhardy, but everyday men and women living in the same city or thousands of miles away engage in internet foreplay as well as cybersex without thinking it unusual. (scary, huh?) Without being too crude - the foreplay involves things you may be familiar with (especially if you are on AOL) like getting instant messages asking for nude/sexy pictures, your "measurements", etc. Believe it or not, many women, alone and needing attention, actually find that type of approach flattering. I have file and file of stories on this and I was shocked and appalled at how women relayed that this type of attention was "better than nothing" and "better than getting hurt in real life". The problem with women engaging in the foreplay - sending and receiving provocative pictures, answering intimate questions, etc. is that it creates a sexual identity with the other person and false intimacy between two virtual (no pun intended) strangers.

Often, women and men - including married women and men - will have cyber sex, which is basically an online erotic letter exchanged between two people talking about a mutually experienced sexual encounter. Words create mental images, and many get even more involved with digital cameras and cyber cams capturing moments of "mutual" masturbation.

Most people would not do that, just like most people would not let themselves be picked up in a club for a one night stand - but many people do this type of thing, and guys, especially, gravitate towards this "free" sex environment and "just a click away" sexual attention atmosphere.

It is a really "yuck" world out there and morally, it is just getting more and more bankrupt.

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#62141 - 05/20/05 12:13 PM Re: Internet Relationships...do they work?
overthehillchick Offline
Member

Registered: 05/20/05
Posts: 31
Loc: Virginia, USA
I really need to get back on that book I was co-authoring with someone.

My co-author met her husband online and she's been happier than she's been her whole life. Even moved to Scotland to be with him (she was from the east coast of USA).

I, unfortunately, didn't have such good luck when meeting someone I had been talking to for a year or more. He wasn't quite what I expected in real life, but he was sweet never the less.

We still talk, but I was so grateful I did have that opportunity for us to meet. Otherwise, I'd still be wondering if we ever had a "thing." I know now that "thing" was just a friendship (on my part) and have gone on with my life.

Hope this helps!

Dorothy

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