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#51797 - 04/24/03 11:48 PM on being a maamaw
nillawafer Offline
Member

Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 158
Loc: new orleans
being a maamaw is a completely different feeling than being a mother. it is equally as tremendous a feeling, yet truly different. i have not yet found the word to describe it. "it" being the feeling it gives me. all i know is, it makes me actually feel younger, more alive, more loving, more giving, more vibrant, more vital in the scheme of things. it makes me want to dance more, sing more, hug my adult children more, meet my husband after work for coffee in a downtown shop more...... that's it... i now know the word!!! being a maamaw makes me MORE.

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#51798 - 04/25/03 05:17 PM Re: on being a maamaw
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
How heartwarming and what a great way to feel about the birth of a grand-baby. Glad that life continues to add MORE for you. Please keep sharing the baby stories!

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#51799 - 04/25/03 05:31 PM Re: on being a maamaw
Candice Johnson Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 416
Loc: Alexandria, VA
That baby is so lucky to have a grandma like you. It must be wonderful to watch another generation start.

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#51800 - 05/20/03 03:47 AM Re: on being a maamaw
Candice Johnson Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 416
Loc: Alexandria, VA
So it's been grandma nilla? Are you getting your fill before the move?

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#51801 - 05/20/03 05:30 PM Re: on being a maamaw
Seth Offline
Member

Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 16
Loc: Madison, WI
I agree that the grandmother thing is awesome, but I have also found a down side that makes me sad. Our daughter is so "particular" about styles etc., that anything that we buy our grandchild seems to get put away somewhere. Of all of the clothes that we bought, we have never seen him in any of them. I love to shop, and would love to get him things, and my husband would, too.

Fortunately our other daughter is now pregnant, and I believe she will be quite different. Tickled to have things for her baby. It is kind of a bummer, though, to feel sort of "rejected". [Frown]

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#51802 - 05/21/03 02:37 PM Re: on being a maamaw
lionspaaw Offline
Member

Registered: 11/28/02
Posts: 887
Loc: SW Florida
I sure do relate to your emotions of feeling "rejected" -- I'm not sure that's the correct word -- but I understand what you mean.

Being the mother of the SON in a relationship -- I loose out on most of the "grandma" kinda things that I'd love to be a part of. It's been a heart searching venture to learn how to accept this fact. You have to learn how to sit back and be the "outsider" -- get details like a neighbor would -- accept that you won't be as big a part of the grandbaby's life as you'd had hoped and just be grateful if you're a part of their life at all. Somedays I can deal with this -- and somedays ----- [Frown]

I know this is the natural course of things to be. I've known it since the day I gave birth to boys -- that someday I was going to have to let go and turn them over to someone else. But, I wasn't prepared for how much it aches inside !! Part of me wants to "barge" in and push myself on them so I can be a "bragging grandma" --and part of me wants to just turn and walk away and act like I'm not even a grandma at all. That way I can't get my feelings hurt -- that ostrich with his head in the sand might have a good idea after all [Smile]

I don't begrudge anyone on the daughters side of the family their closeness -- it's the way things should be -- and I feel a little guilty now that I, being the daughter, must have made my mother-in-law feel the same way as I do now. I just have to learn one more of lifes lessons [Smile]

Be very thankful that you have another child to give you a second chance at being the grandma you'd like to be. If I'm honest about it -- maybe that's what's bothering me more than anything -- the fact that this will probably be my only grandchild -- and I'm spending all the energy I should be spending loving her -- on letting her go.

sorry for the "poor me" -- just needed to see it in writing -- I learned along time ago that keeping things bottled up inside usually makes the situation much worse than it is -- now I can start letting it go ----

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#51803 - 05/21/03 05:18 PM Re: on being a maamaw
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Hmmm, this is something I think about quite often because I have 2 sons and 1 daughter, but the main reason I think about it is because my nother-in-law has 2 sons and no daughters. [Frown]

I have always tried to keep her invoved, included, etc. and encouraged my husband to see her. This was fairly easy when the kids were younger. She would attend all their activities, babysit, and often just hang-out.

All of this has changed since the kids are teens now. I know she is feeling a major void in her life because she hardly sees the kids anymore. She has told me this. I feel guilty, but I am sick of feeling guilty. [Mad] I ask the kids to call her, visit, have lunch, etc, but I can't make them.

Good for them, they have their own lives and are busy with friends, homework, games, etc. I seem to think they will come back around to the Nana days after high school and college in a different way. But who knows, she may not be around then. What to do?

As far as having sons and them communicating with their mothers...that's a whole different story! Urgggg. After years of my saying..."You really should call your mom!", I think he's gotten the message. He calls her and even tries to see her for lunch on a work day. That way she has him all to herself...which I know she loves!

I do think it is our right as a mom to stay in touch with our boys. Maybe having them over for an occasional meal would be nice. I would even be so bold as to offer to babysit.

Thinking about all of you as you work out this grandma thing. [Big Grin]

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#51804 - 05/22/03 12:50 AM Re: on being a maamaw
lionspaaw Offline
Member

Registered: 11/28/02
Posts: 887
Loc: SW Florida
[Big Grin] you obviously don't know my son [Big Grin]

if he lived here in my home with me I wouldn't see him but once a month [Smile] that's just my baby -- he's been on his own since he was 16 yrs old and been independent since he was born -- ohhhh believe me -- I guilt beat him every once and awhile [Smile] but I really don't want him to be anyway but who he is. I finally got him (hmmmmm lets think about this -- nooooo --- his LADY finally got him to remember holidays [Smile] ) so I guess I can't ask too much more than that --

That's not what my post was really about though --

this isn't THEIR problem -- there isn't anything to "work out" -- they are wonderful kids and they are wonderful parents and if I had to "turn over" my son and grandbaby to anyone in the world -- I couldn't have picked a better family to turn him over to and ---except for them moving away soon --I know I'm welcome to go over and visit my grandbaby anytime I want -- and I totally understand why they don't come over to see me (eventhough I would trade my poms for my grandbaby in a second) -- this is MY emotional battle -- alot of it steming from me still missing my other son terribly -- it's about ME learning to let go. I tend to do things 110% --and I have to learn how to accept that I can't be 110% part of their life -- I just don't know how to do that yet -- that's why I said that "rejection" isn't the right word (in my case) -- I just could relate to the EMOTION inside.

I would pack up and follow them in a heart beat --just to have a chance to be a part of their life -- to not have to be a "phone-call, pictures grandma" -- to try and be part of Thanksgiving and Christmas -- but my husband doesn't want to move from a town he's comfortable with -- leave a job he's making head way at finally -- leave my parents who are in their 80's -- to move somewhere and still know I'm not the "go to" grandma -- I'm the "other" grandma .

I was always with MY mom when my kids were young -- and as they grew up and grew away from Grandma and Grandpa -- like your kids are doing -- I still stayed close to my mom -- so it wasn't the boys that went to grandma's -- it was ME who went to grandma's [Smile] and I understand that completely. I understand ALL OF IT completely --

I just haven't gotten my heart to catch up with my head yet [Smile]

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#51805 - 05/23/03 07:34 AM Re: on being a maamaw
Candice Johnson Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 416
Loc: Alexandria, VA
I think you are handling this wonderfully. I actually wish more mother in laws were like you! Speaking from some personal experiences, you hit the nail on the head when you admitted that even if your son lived under your roof, you wouldn't see him. All to often I have seen the mother's of married sons blame their daughter in laws for a "change" in their son, when really that "change" was always there, they just now have someone on the outside to blame it on. I appluad you for taking responsibility for the feelings that you have about it.

I sincerely hope that you can become the type of grandma you want to be.

Just on a related note, when my grandmothers were both living, I do think I had one that was the other grandmother, just because one actually lived with us. It was not until they both passed that I realized no matter how much time I spent with them or what I did or didn't do with one or the other, I miss them both terribly and love them still. While my relationships with each of them was different, there are special things about them both that I will treasure always.

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#51806 - 05/22/03 11:06 PM Re: on being a maamaw
lionspaaw Offline
Member

Registered: 11/28/02
Posts: 887
Loc: SW Florida
((( Thanks Candice )))

I needed that [Smile]

I know all will work itself out -- it always does -- and like I said -- seeing it on paper -- reading it out loud -- keeps it from bottling up inside and becoming something its not [Smile]

THANKS LADIES for letting me vent [Big Grin]

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