Chatty, it breaks my heart to know you cry from loneliness. Even the worst physical pain in the world cannot compare with the pain of loneliness and loneliness can lead to desperation.

Your phone job is really an acting job and acting seems to make people terribly lonely. Maybe because they are in the bubble of being someone else and can't touch anyone or be touched except as someone else.

I'm glad Katebcca started this topic. I think it is a very important one. Maybe we can all find a way to help each other.

You are never alone because God is always there. And we are too.
smile

I too am sorry to hear about this, Chatty.

If you PM me your addy, I'll send you a copy of my book because one of the chapters deals with finding purpose in life.

I was lost mentally. I owned my own business but a good friend told me he didn't feel running the DQ was my purpose in life. His main clue was the Stresstabs, Pepto Bismol and Maalox on my desk. He made me explore my mind to find out what it was I was meant to be doing.

So, every morning before the store opened I got down on my knees on that hard tile floor and began asking God what it was he wanted me to do in life. I didn't realize it but the wheels were already beginning to turn.

Later, if you would like me to, I'll post a guided imagery I took part in at a seminar that gave me my answer. I was shocked when it showed I was supposed to be to other women what I had needed myself at one time...a helping hand that understood what it was to be in a abusive marriage and teach them how to leave safely.

Just know that my heart goes out to all of you who are feeling this way. I love you ladies.

Chatty, you've been on my mind and heart all night and all morning. I was thinking about loneliness and the fear I think we all have of being alone "at the end" of our lives.

I think that BWS is God's gift to us Boomer Women right now, to somehow bridge that lonely gap in this part of our lives. We're here for each other in such diverse and healing ways, and it's important, perhaps even vital, for many of us to come here and be a dynamic part of the family that's growing and evolving here. For some of us, this is our refuge, our safe place, our gathering place to be social, scared, uplifting for one another, sad with each other, lonely WITH each other. We don't know how this will evolve over the years, or if we'll be allowed computers and Internet access in the nursing homes when that time comes, but for now, we DO have a place to come and be all that we are, and know that we're safe to be...whether that be lonely, sad, confused, frustrated, angry, or kicking our heels up with glee, and celebrating our wisdom and accomplishments...we're here for each other. That's a tremendous gift, WE are a tremendous gift to each other. Some of us need to be coming here as much as possible in order to swim in the healing waters we are pooling together here.

i have nothing to add to the advice but i sure would like to say that yous guys offer uplifting and inspiring stuff with concrete advice and action to take...reading this thread was better than any book i've read on the subject because so much of what has been posted is obviously from the heart of experience...
i've always thought "relate to me before you advise me" and you guys sure did...
wow!

those of you with lonliness in your lives, please let us know what you're doing/not doing to help yourself and how things are progressing...
dieters seem to get a lot out of keeping tabs on each other so maybe it would be good for everyone going through this to have a place to go to check in with everyone else going through it...

[ August 28, 2005, 01:24 PM: Message edited by: msdiana ]

I was estranged from my two sons for a period of time...stubborness on both our parts...for 2 years we were on the opposite ends of each other...I, too went through a hard time...(Dotsie, I sent you a story I wrote about it called "One Tiny Strand of Hope." It's pretty honest and I wanted to get her approval before I put it out there.

Anyway, my life seemed hopeless in every thread of my being and like there was no purpose for me. I had pains beyond human endurance and all I can tell you is that I hit an emotional bottom that I hope I never feel again.

What I found out from that experience is that you, and you alone, have to find a purpose for living. YOu have to find a meaning for your life...we cannot rely on others sometimes to be there for us, to want us in their lives or to find us important the way we find them. You, Kate, have to find importance in yourself...you have to take baby steps...just find one thing that gives life meaning...your painting for instance. Even if you don't feel like it, just put up a canvas...even if you stare at it blankly without a clue as to what you want to pain...paint your pain if you need to...let it out. You have got to let it all out so you can start to rebuild who you are.
When I came out of my almost fatal depression (God truly was with me and lifted me up as He will if you allow him), I reached out to my sons...eventhough I felt so wronged by what they did/felt, I had to try. They could still slam the door but I had to try...They did not slame the door and today our relationship is better and stronger than ever...I'm not going to presume this will happen in your case or that you do this...I don't know the situation as to why you are estranged from your son but you have to ask yourself if he's worth trying. And are you ready to have the door slammed again, possibly forever. It's one of the hardest thing as a Mother I think a Mother could ever go through, except losing a child in death. But, in a way it does feel like death because you do not see them, or interact with them...it is as if they are dead.
Kate, my heart embraces you and what you are going through. I truly, truly hope and pray that you will work you way to the end of the very long tunnel and find the light that I know is there. There's always a light...a door...a window...we just have to look for it. For your own sake, please, do not stop looking.
I, as are all the ladies in this wonderful forum, am here for you...Dotsie, I have been blessed by what you and the other women have done (this web site). Thank you so much for bring women like myself together so we can help one another. You are one of God's angels here on earth.

Thank you all for your encouragement. For some reason I'm not sure why this week has been a very tearful and depressing time. Its like all the hurt and unhappiness I have ever felt has all come knocking on my memory. I know I need a closer relationship with God. I think Eagle Heart in a PM said it best about the age thing. I have always felt that I had so much time to do everything and use to say "hey, I'll get to that eventually." Well since June and turning 65 my eventually is NOW! I don't feel or look my age (thank you God) but I am 65 and on the downside of life's mountain and I think I am just feeling afraid. Fear can be a terrible thing. I never thought about dying and breezed right threw Menopause with not so much as a hit flash, yet I now worry about what old age will bring. Oh well, don't mind me...I am wallowing in the thing I detest most, self pity. I will get over this when I get mad enough at myself. I have learned a great deal from PM's and ohers concerns. Thanks for all the wonderful advice, I do pay attention....

I love Chatty, That you are turning YOUR lonliness and feeling a bit overlooked or ignored into action! (becoming bws caretaker!).

I figure if each one of us in the world, looked around to see who we could reach out to - that the world would be a less lonely place for most of us!

YOU GO GIRL!

Great, big, sloppy hugs!

Danita

Chatty,
If there were more women like you in the world, this would be a much better place.

You are a dynamo.

We ALL love you to pieces. YOU ROCK!!
smile

I had a very interesting day today. My son called me all depressed. I still see him on a regular basis but am trying to get him to stand on his own two feet as I have bailed him out, helped him financially, emotionally etc. for years and don’t want to keep being an enabler. It is working out quite good. He has been to treatment centres three times in the past year and seems to be off the heavy drugs but now drinks too much. He has found a girlfriend and called me because he was upset and depressed, lonely because she wanted to go out with her friends. My son is 20 (a very immature 20) and she is 16 going on 17. He is upset that she does not want to spend every waking minute with him. In my trying to be supportive the advice I gave him is advice I need to give myself. At this time in his life, because of his past and because he needs to be kept
distracted, he is feeding off her and not getting a life himself. His girlfriend works, goes to school, takes dance lessons and goes out with her friends. A normal teenager. He does nothing but party at the moment.
Has no interests, got fired from his job and does not go to school. Unfortunatly because he has severe ADD and addiction issues he has very low self esteem. In my reaching out to him and trying to help him to realise that he should have more interests than just his girlfriend, I realised that most of what I do is work and go home. I need to develop other interests too. After telling him that he needs to have outside interests, get busy and stop relying on his girlfriend to make him happy I realise that's what I need to do. Instead of staying home moping around the house wondering whats wrong with me I have quite a lot to work to do myself. A great way to beat lonliness is to help someone else beat it.
Recently I have been reconnecting with friends from the past but what I think I’m trying to do is reconnect with who I was back then because I have lost sight of who I am.
We are all subject to loneliness at any age. It strikes when we’re not looking and when we are in the middle of the pain we think it will last forever. But, we hold the key. That said everyone needs support and this is a wonderful place to connect with like minded women who can offer support prayers and a shoulder to cry on. We are here for each other and what a wonderful blessing that is.
Eagle Heart, you don’t have to apologise for writing more in Chatty Lady's direction than directly to me. I am glad that you reached out to her as she needs support too. I am just glad that this topic came up for me as it has allowed us to reach out to others and be there for them.
Overthehillchick, your comments are well taken and appreciated. Sometimes instead of wallowing in our feelings of loneliness and disappear it is necessary to get totally involved in something that leaves us little time to get
lonely.
I have taken out the paints, I will do some painting tonight. And that is a wonder full suggestion Dee to paint no matter what, even if I have to paint the pain. Thanks.

Yes! She took out the paints. Way to go! Now, I'll be waiting to hear what you painted. Proud of you.