You are doing NOTHING wrong..but perhaps you have more time..things are kind of going your way..or you just have some free time..and up pops the GUILT feeling or anxiety. Something must be wrong somewhere?? Your friend from work calls you and asks you to call her when you can... have you done something wrong?? Is something going wrong?

WHY do I feel guilty right now? I can´t think of a real reason??

Do you ever feel like this? Just wondering... maybe it´s the human condition? Part of having been into religion almost all of my life?? Or am I are just paranoid? I try laughing at myself..and I am old enough now that this DOES help but I HAD thought that I was over this..but here it comes again..WHY??

Any thoughts or similiar experiences? Anyone?!

I have that same guilt, though not as bad as it used to be. Most of my life has been spent taking care of somebody else, so now I struggle with feeling guilty if I'm doing something (even if it's doing nothing) for me. I see what's going on in the world and think I should be doing something to help, but I can't fix everything, and I have to keep telling myself that. I can do little things that may not make a big difference but do make a difference for somebody, and that's all I can do. Does that make sense?

humlan and yonuh, I definitely feel that sense of guilt that you both feel....or maybe it's a sense of dread...always worrying about everybody...I have developed such an aversion to the telephone...After my Mother died my Dad would call me 10 or more times every day...I was afraid not to answer his calls for fear that he had fallen or was in trouble of some kind...and this was not paranoia because after she died he was in 5 car accidents and lost his car keys 16 times...when we moved him to Assisted Living he would call me every hour on the hour all through the night...it was a living hell...at that point my husband discontinued our land line phone and we used our cell phones...because we knew there was staff to help him if he was in trouble....but to this day I hate the phone..and of course I feel guilty about it...my girlfriends complain that they have to email me or call my husband if they are desperate to reach me...but I can never find my cell phone..my kids say "Mom there is a method to your madness..you are hiding from bad news" but I spend all my time feeling guilty about that too...

It probably all reverts back to my Catholic upbringing...

Having had the same kind of Catholic upbringing as you did Nancy, I fully understand the guilt thing. Catholic teachings are that of guilt for this, and guilt for that or maybe it is just the way I translated their teachings. There is only one of us and it is difficult to take care of our familys, friends, and especially those taking full advantage of our kindness, and yes, guilt! Good for you dropping the land line. I now unplug my landline if not wanting to speak to anyone. NO matter who it is that might be calling there is nothing I can do anyway so later is as good and now to speak to them.

I am still not feeling myself and today I made the mistake of answering my phone and it was my son wanting to bring his new girlfriend and a male friend visiting him from Utah, over to my home Sunday for dinner. Just what I wanted (NOT!!!) company but I said okay anyway so now I have to shop so I can cook dinner. I love my son but I don't thnk he was being very considerate. Hopefully it will be a good time for everyone concerned, me as well...

I also have a Catholic upbringing..my head tells me that I am not doing anything wrong. I am NOT superwoman..in this case..I have had an operation and I have to take care of myself. I´ve been ill one way or another this past year because there has just been so much going on in my personal life. Sometimes our bodies just cry out for rest..and it´s OK!!! Now how does one make the heart believe this,too??

My partner does not suffer from all these guilt things..and sometimes I wish that I could be like him.

How do you fight these feelings so they don´t drive you crazy?? There must be SOMETHING?? Maybe gratefulness?? I don´t know They say that gratefulness helps alot..Grateful for the moment..and nothing more..nothing less..because that´s where you are..what do you think?

Chatty..how did your evening go? Usually those kind of situations can turn out ok in the end..you get some good company for awhile..or NOT! So..do tell how it turned out..if you want.

About the guilt..may be I have too much time to think right now?? Not being able to move around as usual.. you know, when you analyze too much...

And yes, Chatty..our kids sometimes don´t take us seriously. I guess they don´t SEE where we are at for the moment.My former husband had his bad stroke in August..and I have only had foot op..a routine thing..but I want some TLC too now and again. Time to continue in the fine whine forums, I guess

I shutdown my landline and cell sometimes in the evenings too. I work with kids all day and I need some peace and quiet of my own.. it´s kinda my quiet time..

I don't know that the Catholic upbringing has much to do with it. I was brought up in the Jewish faith and believe me they've really cornered the market on guilt. I think we just get so used to spending all our time doing for others and taking care of others and worrying about what others need and/or want that when we actually get 5 minutes to think about ourselves we automatically get the guilty feeling because we think we're supposed to be doing something else for someone else.

Catholic, Jewish, and Lutheran, too, believe me. My mother always told me that guilt was a good thing. LOL

I used to feel guilty and worried every time the phone rang. I think that went back to days when I was poor and missed some college loan payments.

Then for a long while I felt guilty and wary every time the boss called me to the office. I would over think everything, and I would be a mess once I reached the boss' office door.

I gave up guilt quite a while back. It stopped suiting my lifestyle. There is too much going on in my life to spend time feeling guilt.

I am WAY better about not letting guilt get to me, than I used to be. But every once in a while it still sneaks in.

I too have be come way better than to be bothered by guilt for many years now. But when my dogs both died so suddenly and mistakes were made, I found all that guilt I had left behind those many years plus 1000. I was convinced it was my fault in some way I'd lost my babies. The guilt was crippling me so I had to rethink everything and let it go. Of course it wasn't my fault, it wasn't anybodys fault, they were 13 year old dogs even thought they looked like puppies because they were so small. There were tell tale signs I didn't see. I don't think I wanted to see them.

Humlan I posted under re-defining life, Relationships about the dinner. It turned out better than I could have ever imagined. We gobbled up the Chinese/Thai food I ended up ordering and my surprise guest was none other than my grandson Jason home for a weeks furlough from the Marines. They got me good with that one. Thanks for asking...and you are right, it did turn out to be a great day.

There's a great book that I read many years back that was helpful. I believe the title was How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty.

I've come such a long way in the guilt department. I was raised Catholic so I knew all about guilt, but it's something I've worked hard to shed through the years.

Still haunted by it at times, but try to get to the root of why I feel guily to see if it's justified. It usually isn't.

Oh, and I know someone who will try to make others feel guilty and I am so on to that one. Anyone know people like that? They throw the "poor me" syndrome at you. We are all responsible for our own happiness.

I think excess guilt may be a woman's domain. When I retired I was eaten up with it. I felt guilt for not getting up at 6:30, not putting in an 8 hour day doing something, reading and relaxing during the day, shopping when the stores are uncrowded, etc, etc. The list went on forever. I used to literally tell myself out loud that I worked long and hard and deserved a rest. It tool awhile until I could believe myself. After years of problems (financial, family health, etc) I now find myself without any problems and with nothing to complain about, Unless I am careful I can REALLY feel guilty about life being easy and good at the moment, My hubby thinks this is the craziest thing he's ever heard - one reason it is nice you ladies are here as I am sure someone has had the same experience!

My mom was a good one for laying on the guilt trip. I eventually stopped playing into it; but she never stopped trying. Right now, there aren't any people in my life that are like that (thankfully!). It's exhausting to deal with even if you don't allow the guilt in. I felt I always had to be on my guard around my mom.

OMG!!! My EX is the poster boy for the POOR ME syndrome. It makes my skin crawl.

After Rosee and then Reeta passed on he walked around moaning and groaning and then whaling like a demented fool. All he could think about was how sad HE was and how HE'D miss them. Good grief, I was devastated too but not for me, I was devastated for them. Them getting sick, them dying, them because of their love of life and people and food. I have never cried for me, thats just sick... All this from a man who never even took them for a walk in 13 years, and couldn't bring himself to be there with them at the end... To each his own I guess...

Chatty..I am glad that the dinner thing turned out..well..SURPRISING and PERFECT!!! I mean they really GOT you there..which means that they know you and love you very very much, it seems. I had a good laugh over that one!

I was hoping that you didnt have that man around you anymore..do you? Just wondering..for your sake!

HUGS!

Greene..I laughed when I read about your hubby and his reaction about yor guilt feelings. My partner usually tells me gently that he doesn´t quite know what I am talking about when I start describing my quilt feelings. Maybe it´s a female thing..mostly. Eventho I know that my sons can feel guilt and find it hard to cope with it at times..

I guess that some of us are plagued and weakened by this guilty feeling thing at times in or lives..and that´s life for us..maybe we all have our "hang ups" at times??? It´s nice to be able to write about them here or talk to a friend and make it feel more normal for awhile. Put it into perspective? Whatever it is?

My close friend asked me if I wanted her to come along when I had my stitiches taken out from my foot. I was taken aback..why should I need her to come along for that? And I usually want to do hospital things on my own. BUT then I decided..why NOT?? I will have a more pleasant time and we will have some moments together. So we went together..and I began thinking about being more open and letting in people..into my life. Nothing earthshaking..but just being more open toward myself and others around me..I am at the beginning of these thoughts..I think they are important because many of us do feel ALONENESS now that we are older..the kids have their lives..our friends don´t have the energy to always meet..and neither do we for that matter. Hmmm...

Growing up I used to think if the mailman had a bad day, I was somehow responsible for it. I think this comes from years of having four sisters around and everyone pointing the finger at ME when something went wrong or was broken. Okay, okay, so I WAS the culprit, but after a while, not everything really WAS my fault. But I continued feeling the guilt.

I had an ex who tried to tell me I was a bad mom. Bahaw! What a crock. I was and still am an excellent mom and I don't mind telling it. So that was the end of my guilt trips and I have him to thank for it.

I started asking myself (when guilt would arrive) IS THAT TRUE? Usually, it wasn't. If it wasn't, I dropped it.

Just asked yourself...is that true?

I think guilt and a lack of self confidence may go hand in hand. I suffered a long time under a lack of self confidence. Now that I finally stand up for myself and believe in myself, I don't get those guilty feelings like I used to. I know what I have to do, and I know when I need to slow down. I'm simply doing the best I can. And if I don't give my best,...heck that's okay too.

JJ, I know you were never the one that stole those Orios. Jeez, what were your sisters thinking!

I was framed, I tell ya....framed!

Then why do you have chocolate crumbs all over your face????? Fess up when you mess up!

Now thats what I needed today, a good laugh. You ladies are awesome, you really are. I believe that old culprit GUILT has a way of sleezing itself into our psyche no matter how hard we try to ignore it. The way we handle it once it's there is the secret.
Guilt can in itself be a crippling emotion.

Humlan, you sound like me. I will quickly say no to an offer to come along and keep me company then, when I get there, I look around and realize I'm the only one there solo. But it is a hard balance for me. Letting people in is good, comforting, healthy and promotes friendships. Even though I know this I would often just rather do whatever it is alone. I don't know why this is. Maybe a psychological glitch or just the only child in me. I have to force myself to let people in, once I do I'm glad I did it.