My step-father needs a new heart, and mine is breaking. I just don't have the appropriate words, for anyone, in this matter. Just so scared for him, my mother, and all involved. He does not listen to the doctor which has complicated matters. He's afraid he will not survive the surgery and leave my mother destitute. My mother will need someone to financially take care of her b/c she will only have social security. I'm not ready for this. But, that's not why I don't want him to die, I want him and everyone to live a long and productive life. His two children are not financially responsible and often 'borrow' money and don't pay it back. Ditto for my sister. Although I do not have a close relationship with my mother and step-father, nor siblings, that distant relationship does not deter from the fact that I do love them.

I am so sorry to hear about your news, Mustang. But you are a strong woman, and will be able to handle what comes your way. When you are feeling over-whelmed, you will do just what you did today - come here and look for strength and support.

Close relationships, or not, family is such a pull on our hearts. Sometimes the pull breaks our heart, sometimes it heals or protects.

He was admitted to the hospital today. My parents don’t want us “kids” there until they’ve conferred with the physicians and test results. Thus, we’re all just on stand-by.

Waiting is so hard. Hopfully everything will turn out allright.

EW, thank you for asking, I appreciate knowing ya'll are here. Awaiting results from last Friday's CAT scan. Administered lasik to alleviate some of the congestion; liver test is normal, yet he is jaundice colored. Will perform ultrasound on stomach.

My prayers are with all of you Mustang.

Mustang,
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!

Thanks for the update. This waiting must be hard for all involved.

I would like to thank you for sharing your heart's blessings of compassion and love with us, Mustang. I offer prayers for you and the rest of the family.

Thanks gals. He was feeling good last night and had eaten 2 meals. All tests were normal for his condition. Yet, last night his blood pressure spiked and he did not feel like eating breakfast nor sitting up in bed.

We were hoping he'd come home today. Another CAT scan has been ordered and he will stay another night.

His heart physician switched practices, thus my step-dad is at a newer hospital with better facilities, of which I'm glad for.

Nice comment Anne. I wish the same for you Mustang.

Praying as well for your family...may Gods blessings fill your space.

Well, he was discharged yesterday and told 1. transplant not possible due to his age 2. his body would not support a transplant, and 3. he's his own worst enemy b/c he does not follow a diet nor pay attention to his physical limitations.

Parents asked me to stop by yesterday and all they did was put me down in front of 3 of their neighbors. He was drinking again. And the abuse of me and his health continue.

His own son did not visit with him while in the hospital. Both of his biological children are obese. Yet, he takes it all out on me.

If only he knew how many people were and are praying - but that does not matter to him.

I haven't read this entire thread so Mustang, I'll just respond to latest post:

Best to visit him when you know other family members may not be around? And keep visits short if it doesn't lead you and brother to more positive chats.

mustang, it kills me that you continue to be hurt by them while you continue to care so much. If I were you, I might limit visits as orchid suggested.

I'm sure he's angry now too because there doesn't seem to be much hope at this point, but that doesn't give him reason to lash out at you.

My step-dad was admitted to the hospital again yesterday, Sunday, @ 4:00 AM. Congested heart failure issues again.

This is all so stressful. He cannot sleep and has not slept in a week, with exception of 15 minute naps 2 or 3 times a day.

His cardiologist has said for 2 weeks that he will refer his test results (from last admittance aforementioned); yet, has not done so. The cardiologist promised again today. Nada, nothing. No one will tell him the test results!

Also, mom is blaming me for him not being able to sleep. I'm just so torn and worry for him.

The doctor prescibed a bad "cocktail" and now he is in the CCU on morphine. It was the correct medicine and dosage, yet mixed together with another was not. This is the 2nd time this same doctor has prescribed a bad cocktail knowing that these 2 medicines should not be mixed together.

I know my family is difficult, yet would ya'll please pray for him, family, and medical staff.

Thank you

You need to report this quack to your states Medical Board for his carelessness.

Yesterday they told my mother and step-sister that he had pneumonia. I stopped by last night and the nurse said "no" that he never had it. That it was the mixed medication. Its such a delicate balance for those with congested heart failure. Sometimes the meds can work against an individual.

He is out of CCU and moved to a recovery ward. Yet, still very weak and coming off the morphine and has not eaten a meal since Saturday. He is able to walk to the bathroom in his room, thats all he can manage for now.

Mustang, medications in the elderly are often worse than the original issue. I don't understand why they couldn't give him a sleeping pill like Ambien so he could rest. Sleep deprivation is the worse.

I know this is a tough situation for you becasue you care so much so I will certainly pray for all of you during this difficult time.

If he hasn't eatne they should be giving him IV nutrients.

Thank you Dotsie. One of the symptoms associated with CHF is sleep apnea. He is attached to an IV.

Mustang, could the doctor be trying a combination of medication that would work under the circumstances? Unfortunately, these do go by trial and error. I hope they find something that would help your stepfather. Prayers continue to be offered for you and yours.

Thank you for your prayers ladies.

Lola, he is taking the correct prescribed medication, yet it is such a delicate balance and I'm not certain which ones at which times. I have a habit of finding the nurse assigned to his care and getting simple facts to assure my mother, who does not know the difference between a heart monitor and thermometer! She is so frazzled.

Anne, I think that some young pulmonary doctor gave his assumption to suffice my mother in a rushed environment. Luckily, that doc was wrong.

So, there are some small miracles, we'll take what we can get.

Visited with him last night and he was a bit sprite. Walked about 30 feet today, and that was all he could handle. The doc has reduced his water intake. The salt intake has already been reduced and has affected his kidneys and will induce some type of sodium in his IV. He ate a few bites. Doc says it is a 2-edged sword. Sadly, I don't know if he'll come home.

Hospice stopped by yesterday and left, have not returned with information requested. I asked hospice last year the same questions and no answer.

Mom hurt my feelings b/c she says I show no emotion - well this is how I defend myself from the prior abuse. I do feel emotion, I just don't show it. I cannot express how scared I am.

I learned not to show emotion to my abusers, very monochrome (if you show emotion to an abuser they will take further advantage of another).

I'm being there as much as I can. I wish I could do something that would make him better.

What I can do is tell all individuals to take care of themselves physically and emotionally. To always get a second physician opionion and follow the prescribed methods for a long, healthy, productive, and as happy as possible life.

What right does God have to take someone from us?

What right do we have to take someone's life?

How can this be?

I was following another thread about this and am just seeing this one.

As you know mustang, there is nothing we can do to make others take care of themselves. They must want to do it themselves. Mom took care of herself and they misdiagnosed her and she died within seven months.

God gives and he takes away on His time. Does it help you to think that he's going to a better place where there is no sorrow or pain?

I don't mean to sound so frank, but dying is a part of living. Can you think of it as passing over to a better life?

Not sure if I'm helping, but that's my intention.

Sending love and prayers for you and your family.

Mustang the first ever words I remember from Catholic School are:

God giveth, and God taketh away.

No one but GOD has the right to take the life of another.
I believe in capital punishment yes, but truthfully
NO ONE but...
OUR HEAVENLY FATHER has that right to take anyones life away, no one!

It is always sad to lose someone we love, it can be devastating but it is not ours to question when any of us will be taken. We can pray however that our loved one goes easily into the light of GODS love, and that He eases our pain as well. Death is a part of life as sad as that seems to us all.

IMO death of a loved one, is the hardest thing we humans have to
face. The fact that we all go through it, doesn't seem to make it any easier. I'm sorry they emotionally abuse you. Maybe just
because you're there, they lash out at you. I know how heart-breaking that can be. Put your arms Maverick and let concern for step-dad and mom stay on the back burner for a little while. Prayers and blessings,

Groovy is doing ER training today and I'm worried because of
the H1N1; a hospital emergency room isn't exactly the best to
be hanging out right now! But I didn't say anything because
I know her heart is in the right place: i.e., trying to help
people in trouble!

thank you gals. he has lost his spirit and asked to be taken off all systems. however, 2 days ago he was given testosterone and co q10, small fan directed towards face to stimulate breathing, together these small changes have helped the tiniest and his kidneys are functioning a bit better. he is so weak he cannot lift his own hands and arms. he's not eaten any solids in days, with exception of a chocolate milkshake yesterday. we hope he can get better so that he can come home and allow hospice to take care of him while. he does not want to pass away in the hospital.

I pray his end of life is as you all hope it will be. Home hospice is a beautiful thing.

OK, he's being transported via plane tonight to Duke University for a left ventricular assist device (LVAD) which has a 50/50 chance. My mother and step-sister are driving up and I'm staying here with all the pets.

Anyone in the Durham area? If so, would you contact me? Please. I'm sending my mobile phone number to Lola and Dotsie. Maybe someone has resources to help my mother and step-sister through this difficult time. I'm checking into hotels. Thanks to all of you gals.

Mustang, wow, I can't beleive they're doing this. I so hope it's successful. Are you traveling alone? I can't think of anyone in the Durham area. Girls, anyone near there?

Hey all, step-dad taken to Duke late Friday night. When plane landed in Durham, the ambulance had a flat tire and he had to wait 45 minutes and his drip (dopamine???) stopped. He was taken to the hospital and stablized.

Lola, I think you called me Saturday! I was speaking with Debbie (double lung transplant survivor and Duke Transplant board member) and I lost my signal and both you and Debbie phoned at the same time! Sorry I missed you.

My step-dad had angioplasty (???) surgery early yesterday (Sunday). The test results have not been provided to family members, yet he is not responding and I fear brain damage b/c his heart stopped for 5 minutes. Uncle (his older brother) says he does not look like the man he was and sad that he had to see him that way.

I did not travel to Duke. My mom and step-sister are there. They slept in the hospital Saturday night and checked into hotel across the street Sunday. Don't think I'd be much help. I'm trying to stay busy and not fret. I imagine the time will come for me to do that which I'm designed to do in this situation.

Dotsie and Lola, thank you for calling. Delightful to hear your voice Dotsie! Thanks to all of you gals.

Yes, I did but, your cellphone went on voicemail which cut off the connection. I had read your earlier post and since I was attending a meeting at a Diocesan office at that time, I was hoping I could speak to you so I could contact the counterpart in Raleigh who could direct us to what would be best under the circumstances.

Glad you're keeping busy. Prayers continue and hope that you are looking after yourself as well.

Update from Mom @ 2:44 PM:

On full life support system.

Not awake nor cognizant.

No activity.

2 CAT scans.

No results yet to determine kidney, liver, or lung damage.

During the operation yesterday his heart stopped 2X, once for 5 minutes. On one occassion he was shocked, the other he was compressed (massaged?).

Team of doctors are assigned and working together.

All functions are controlled by machine (life support).

Not certain about brain waves.

An evaluation 72-hours from the procedure will determine next step.

I understand that historical data is the precendent of the 72-hour evaluation. That should a patient respond well in that time period, than chances of a good recovery. If not, than chances decline.

He is bloated due to the procedure and life support systems. Should he recover, then the bloating will recess.

I'm praying, I'm trying to be hopeful, but I just don't know.

It has now been about 24 hours.

Thanks gals. He is not responding to neurological examination. Will begin testing brain wave activity. Has a merca staph infection and receiving antibiotics; thus, all visits are limited and visitors must wear surgical gown, shoes, gloves and masks.

mustang, I'm praying for all of you. Remain strong regardless of today's events.

sorry for the constant updates, yet it helps me.

they were to administer the eeg and test for 24-hours either last night or this morning; however, it will be administered tonight (possibly?).

apparantly the medical staff are not only being positive, but also relaying the possibility of the negative (of which my mother does not want to know nor listen to).

apparantly the LVAD is a prerequisite for a heart transplant - of which he is a candidate at duke. we were not informed of that until today. don't know why we were not informed before he was flown to duke.

also, there is a limit to how long (and we don't know how long) in which he may continue to mechanically exchange carbon dioxide/oxygen (kidney issues) and hefron (spelling) through IV.

gosh, wish I had better explanations!

he's still not responding.

there is no brain activity and the life support systems will be removed today - this loss is just no words left

Mustang, I feel your heart breaking. This is such a sad time for so many of us Boomers losing our parents. I never thought it could hurt so much as an adult...but it doesn't matter how old you are. When you lose a loved one, it hurts damn bad.

It's tough for us boomers, who have gone through this, and who have this ahead of them. It's the pits.

Oh Mustang, my heart aches with you...I'm so sorry! Words seem so small and futile, but please just know that your Boomer sisters care so deeply and feel this agony with you...we carry you in our hearts and care.

Mustang, I am so, so sorry. Our prayers accompany you at this most difficult and sad time.

Adding my support for you and your family during the upcoming weeks. Be sure to make time for yourself. Feel the love coming towards you from all your boomers sisters. Deep breaths and exhale.

Hard it must be now, Mustang. If we could "walk" with you at this time..

thank you all, the memorial service is tonight, and a private funeral at a later date. gonna be a tough day.

((HUG)) I'm sorry...and I understand how you feel. Devestated.

With hugs of ((LOVE))

Joining the others to send my love and thoughts at this sad time.
Take care

I'm sorry Mustang for your loss.

Holding you in heart and prayer, Mustang.

Offering prayers for you and your family to get through what is often a difficult day. Try to stay focused on his life!

All I can do is pray Mustang, but rest assured I am and so is my prayer circle at church.

Ladies, thank you to all, you have been so kind and supportive, evidence that Angels do walk amongs us.

So glad to see you, and know the events of last week are behind you. One day at a time.

Thank you, Mom has not left the house in 2 days, tomorrow will get her out of the house.