How old were you when you first married?

I know many of us are remarried and some of us are still married to our first partner, or with our first S.O.

I was 22 when I first married and it was a forced marriage more or less. I was date raped and pregnant. I was married for exactly 8 months and then was counciled by my church and divorced from an abusive man, very abusive.. There were no date rape laws on the books in the day and it was horrifying for me. I was too young and terrified to say anything about what happened until the new law went into effect.

It damaged me terribly when I was young but with therapy, I recovered and found happiness. We can all recover. I have a good relationship with my son from that awful experience.

How old were you?

Dancer9

Thank you, Anne. It was simply horrific. I can't believe that there were no laws about what happened too. If you went out with a man and he raped you, there was no case!

I was afraid NOT to marry him and I had no support not to from my Catholic family. I had to work my way out of it as soon as I could. Thank God for dance and MGM who gave me a contract he didn't want me to decline because it was so lucrative. That contract got me away from him.


Thank you again

Dancer

Anne, I know so many single men working at the VA hospital and some of them are fine catches. Most of them are not full career vets and have lives that have been quality and good.

Now, how to ship the list to you!

Dancer

Good grief Dancer...I can't imagine what that must have been like for you...for you to eventually move on from all that takes a strong woman. You said you were pregnant...does your child know how he/she was conceived? Do you still have contact with his/her father? My goodness...I am horrified. Bless your heart.

I was 27, still too young. Last/final marriage....39. Just right if it were the first marriage for the both of us. Definitely some challenges ensued....but would not trade him for anyone elses!

Thank you, Dee. Yes, my son knows what happened. I did not see the father again and when I shared my son with him someone picked him up for me and brought him to me and the same to drop him off. There had to be someone to do that the whole time.

My son knows his father is abusive. He is successful and I'm so pleased that his life was not ruined by his father but it wasn't easy going for him with his father. He ran away from his home in his early teens, for example. He is not close to him at all now that he is an adult and married himself. He could not be different from his father in so many ways.

I ended up having to be honest with him to explain the happenings when he was young. He has a degree in psychology. I think this helped him understand what happened. I got lucky, very lucky, with him and with my second son whose father I am very close to and get along great with. I was very careful before having a second child because of what happened to me.

It took a LOT of therapy for me to be okay, I'll be honest about it. I had a lot of anger treatment and dealt with so many issues to get through it. I raised my children pretty much with the advise of a therapist because of the trauma that caused me.

I live in the same city as this man and I never can get justice for what he did. He even admitted doing it! He claims it was legal then and leaves it at that! I am close with members of his family who do not stay in contact with him because of his violent nature.

Again, I was lucky and yes, I guess I was strong. I was raised to be very strong. I had some good lessons taught to me young.

Thanks again,

Dancer

Dancer, you were one of the blessed ones who had a contract that allowed you to escape. Thank God! You must have much on the ball to walk away with a baby at such a young age. Three cheers for dancer!

It doesn't sound like your fmaily was your support system, so did you have supportive dancing friends? How did you manage a contract and a baby.

I'm grateful the laws have changed. Again, thanks to our generation!

dancer, are any of the men on Facebook or the dating sites so Anne could get a peek from a distance?

I was married at 21. I was so very young, but head over heels in love. I had no idea what the future held, but I never doubted that we would be together forever. I lucked out. Not that I beleive in luck so I guess I'm blessed in the marriage department.

I turned 17 on June 26th and was married the following April 1959 at age 18. Had my first child at age 21. I LOVED being married and was really good at it.

Young for both Dotsie and Chatty! Both successful too!

Dotsie, I had been on stage, on television, etc... since the age of 5 so yes, I had friends in the business and already had an agent. My parents wanted me to give the baby to his family and take the contract. They wanted me to forget what happened to me and my child and move on.

They were snobs, they are very wealthy and felt he was unworthy so far as a family for me to marry into. They did not know what happened to me at the time and so wanted me to marry and then divorce him or have the marriage annulled if possible to move on with my career.

They cut me off for a time to try to get me to leave my son. They refused to financially help me keep him. At one point my mother wanted her trustee to buy me a home and help me keep my son but the trustee overruled her thanks to my father and they did cut me off with regard to him.

They were trying to force me to take the contract and move to L.A. leaving my son behind never to look back.

I defied them and used my own money to hire an attorney and work it out so I could keep my son. There was no way I could have left my baby but they were like that: They saw no reason why I should "mix," with middle class people like they were and they didn't even know I was date raped at the time because if I had told there would have been violence. I was afraid of what my father would have done and was too kind to know he deserved anything my father dished out.

by the time all of it came out it was taken care of by myself and therapists and attorneys.

I was a hard worker and thank God, I was raised right because I did it all myself without ever doubting a thing I was doing. I didn't have the luck, I had the guts. The luck came from the wondeful son I had, he was and is a gift from God.

Dancer

I have never been married. The idea has never interested me. I know that is odd, but it is me.

The first time I was fully dedicated to a man, however, was at age 19. I would have turned the moon into the sun, if I could have, for a man that had absolutely no interest in doing the same for me.

It wasn't until I was in my late 40's that I met the man of my life. I'd marry him in a flash, but neither of us care anymore.

Well, I've never married either. I met my partner when I was 31. (I'm 50 now.) We've been together since.

My first marriage was at age 20. That lasted 14 years. We divorced. I remarried at age 39. The second marriage is fine. Like Chatty, I like being married. But I have seen unions, which totally destroyed life.

There are a lot of positives 'n negatives to both, IMO. I've seen
late marriage {meaning getting married later in life} totally
destroy a person. And I've seen it bring much joy. So I guess
it's anybody's guess. It's a gamble, either way. IMO!

I was too young at 26. I didn't even want the legal binding, but it was important to him.

Now, 197 years later with the same idiot, the piece of paper means nothing. Having the state's blessing is irrelevant.

meredith, I'm laughing at your comment. You're a hoot.

I have a friend who says people shouldn't be allowed to marry until they're 30 because you are finally beginning to figure yourself and others out at that age. It seems like the 20-somethings are catching on. While some still marry in their early 20s, many are waiting. I think it's smart. But every now and then, there's a couple who are meant to be together and I believe those marriages will last forever, no matter what age they tie the know - but I'm a pollyanna.

I married when I was 25 years. I think I was too young for marriage. But now I am thinking that I was wrong. Now, I am enjoying my life with my life partner.

AlexaVEga,
Welcome to BWS. I married at 20 years old. The marriage lasted
14 years. I'm now happily married and have been for a couple
decades. I'd bet many people fall in love way too young!

Hi AlexaVega,

Welcome to our forum, we're delighted you have visited and hope you will become a regular.

I married the first time at 21 and still in college. It was 1973 and the height of the free love era.

I think I knew it was a mistake at the time, but I wanted to live with that man, and I knew my parents would never allow it unless we were married. My father had once told me that if I EVER didn't come home at night, I didn't need to come home ever again.

So we decided to get married to make our parents happy.

The first inkling I had that it was a mistake was at the alter. The minister was going through the vows, and he said the phrase "til death do you part." I stood there and my brain was whirling. It went something like this: "'Til death. Damn, that's a long time... I don't think I can agree to that.

BUT there are 200 people behind me here in the church, who have given us presents, and who have come to the wedding. If I back out now, it will be so embarrassing.

Yeah. But TIL DEATH. All I really want to do is LIVE with him.


So on the spot I made a secret pact with myself that I would mentally modify the vows to "as long as it's good."

Ten years and two kids later, I was still good with it, but I found out he was cheating on me, and we went to counseling.

I told him that I could forgive him and we could stay married if he would agree to give up his lover and not cheat again. He told me he could not do that.

So there was no choice, but to divorce.

Five years later, on the verge of turning 36, I married again. That was the correct decision, and Steve and I have been happily married for 22 years now. He adopted my kids after their birth father died, and things are "all good" now.

I really think we are too young in our 20s to marry for life. BUT our hormones sure are raging at that time...

I married too young too, I just turned 18 and he was 21. We had 5 good years together before he passed away. We had one son by our union he was born 3 years into our marriage.

I remarried 2 1/2 years later, we were made for one another staying married for 14 years and having another son, my second husband passed away our 14th year together.

Here's the thing. Don't think age is a factor for these reasons.
My adoptive mom and dad married when she was 18 [they dated for 3 years] and he was 27. They celebrated their 60th Wedding Anniversary before dad went to be with the Lord. I had a friend
who didn't marry for the 1st time until she was age 63; it cost her, her life-savings and a terrible ending to an otherwise
beautiful existance. Marriage is a gamble, no matter how you look at it. Sometimes you're lucky. Sometimes you're not!

So many of the now generation are just living together without
getting married and I certainly understand it. I was raised by the older folks' with strict rules. But I can see how people
can be afraid of marriage.

I married the first time at age 17 just 5 months after graduating from high school. He was 22. I thought I was so mature and knew exactly what I was doing and no one could have talked me out of it, but I seriously had no clue. We were divorced 7 years later, and the truth is that he really wasn't a horrible, abusive person. As I actually became an adult, we were totally not right for each other and we both knew it. I remarried at age 28 and have been blessed to be married to this great guy for 31 years. We plan to grow old together and always enjoy our frequent moments of laughter! I always caution younger folks to really know who they are before they jump into such a serious commitment as marriage. The one positive from my first marriage was my son, who was born when I was 20, and the 3 beautiful grandchildren in my life. I don't blame my ex-husband for the marriage not working--he had really married a child.

I had just turned 21 and my hubby was 19 when we married. We celebrated 40 years this last December. It's definitely been a good ride so far.

Congratulations to you, Sandpiper! It is wonderful to hear of you success in your relationship.

Sandpiper,
I'm glad you're happy. WB is three years younger than I am but it works fine. Soulmates mesh regardless of age!!! LOL..

I agree about the soulmates meshing concept, Jabber. Steve is 4 years younger than I am.

But way back when I studied gerontology in college I learned that women in the US live - on average - 5 years longer than men. So our professor advised all the women in the class to marry younger men...

I got it wrong the first time around - my first husband died in his 40s - but I have been delighted with my current "young man" for over 22 years now...

You know when my hubby and I married we had to have his parents sign for him to marry me. In Illinois you had to be 21 and he was just 19. So I always tease him about his parents giving him to me.

I definitely believe in soul makes. I totally enjoy being with him when he's home.

One week from today, WB and I'll be married 30 years. Now somebody please tell me where those 30 years went? It was just yesterday, we exchange vows! Wouldn't that just flip your
bippie???

Sounds like you jabber, and sandpiper found true love and a real soulmate. I would still be with my 2nd. husband if he hadn't passed away. I miss hime everyday of my life... I hope you both have many more happy years with your husbands.

Sorry Chatty. Losing people we love is the worst thing we have to endure. Prayers and blessings...

Today's our 30th Anniversary. And I thank God He brought WB
into my life. WB inspires me to be the best person I can possibly be!

Happy anniversary, Jabber! Thirty years is a fantastic accomplishment. I hope you have a celebration planned.

Stayed home, enjoying every minute of it. The older I get, the more I appreciate peace and quite. WB is happy I didn't push the going out thing. He's a stay-at-home kind of guy. More so than I. Got takeout from the Subway Shop and are happy as can be.
Don't cook on Sundays anyhow. So that's nothing new. As I look
back over my life, I can see how the Good Lord blessed me with
such wonderful people! Wow! That alone can strengthen a faith!
Thanks for the well wishes!

We haven't been out yet either, but I am about to go do some grocery shopping. I really don't look forward to this task, but i do like to eat, and I know home-cooked foods are so much better for us...

We ate glorified leftovers: Steve had some leftover chicken fettuccini from a dinner we ate out last Monday and I turned it into a carbonara sort of thing: I made a small amount of white sauce since whatever had been on the pasta originally had sort of been absorbed into the noodles. Seasoned it with some cheese, then added a leftover chicken breast that I chopped up, frozen peas and about six strips of that pre-cooked bacon Oscar Mayer is now selling. Having it around seems decadent, but is also very convenient. and of course, the leftover noodles. Suddenly had a large bowl full of decadent deliciousness.

Now that I am full, it seems like as good a time as any to get groceries. Not to mention that I am totally out of some crucial stuff like laundry detergent, milk, juice, bread, etc...

Happy Anniversary, jabber. Anne, we try to go shopping after we eat; shopping when we're hungry can be a disaster!

I was 19 and DH was 25 when we married back in 1972. We're still going strong. We celebrated our 39th anniversary last month. I love that man of mine.

Kalola,
That's an interesting blog you have there. Love the poem about
your son and the paragraph about Jesus. Glad you're happily married and still in love.


yonuh and Anne,
I agree about shopping when you are not hungry. It seems to be
much easier. When I'm hungry, I buy everything in sight. LOL...

Anne
can I ask...the chicken...from a meal out..do you ask to take some uneaten portion home..I cant recall seeing anyone so that here...so is it common in U.S.?

Thanks for the Anniversary wishes you guys!

Mountain Ash, I know we are getting off topic here so I have moved my answer to "Going Green" since this is sort of a "recycling topic."

My post is here: Restaurant Doggie Bags